Farewell 2012!

In 2012, i learn to be thankful in whatever situation i am. Everything is just more that enough. Thank you Lord for the blessings in my life. Though things are just so hard, so unexpected, so heartbreaking, so painful, and hopeless sometimes, i am thankful that He always there for me, never fail to lift me up. Thank you Lord. 

Indeed, there were times when i just want to stop being at some places and stop meeting some people. The feeling was so strong but still something keeps me on walking on that road. I am so thankful that people around me, family and friends, never stopping reaching out their hands for me. Never stop  giving motivating words and cracking jokes to lighten up the environment. I am not able to pass the word thank you to each and everyone of you but i appreciate every single things you did. Thank you friends. They are the anonymous saints sent by God to me. 

In 2012, i may have hurt some hearts too, maybe a lot of them. I sorry for it. I may have been selfish at some points. I may have uttered some unpleasant words. I am sorry for everything. 

I just want to be thankful for everything in my life now. For every single thing i have, every single person around me and every single moment that happened. 

Thank you everyone. Thank you Lord :)

Blessed Christmas 2012

Merry Christmas everyone!

Okay, i had been spending most of my time strolling around KK town for the past few days. Like buying lots of stuffs for decors and some attires. You know shopping is just part of women's nature.

Just now, i went to Christmas Eve mass. Singing at the choirs makes me feel so excited and grateful having so many people around celebrating the mass together.

Tomorrow morning, we are going back to Toboh village. Hopefully the journey will be a safe one. According to plan that were made earlier, we will be attending Christmas mass there and then going to the next destination, Ranau, my cousin house.

Our Christmas open house will be on 29th December. Everyone is welcomed! Then we will be having a big family gathering on my mother's side on the New Year Eve. Hopefully everything will go well too. Those who will be engaged or married soon, we will try our best to attend the big day.

I'm going back to college in a week time. So dear heart, lets have lots of fun first!

Finally, have yourself a little merry Christmas wherever you are. God bless :D

Vacation!

I'm so in the mood for vacation right now! Anyone, please bring me along. 

Quotes

They said, time is a healer. Reading is a healer too. Through words, we gained wonderful insights. I love reading and my preferable ones will be on novels and simple quotes. It touches, inspires and blooms the inner part of me.

God sometimes uses trouble to open your eyes, to make you aware of His voice, to make you sensitive to your surroundings. It's a wake up call, a nudge in the right direction. Don't allow the enemy to implant bitter thoughts in your mind that will only make you steer away from the Lord; thoughts that will only make you question His motives. Pray for discernment and revelation in this confusing time. Trust and seek the Lover of your soul. 

Thanking the Lord once you've received what you wanted for so long is easy but thanking Him though pain and tears is challenging. However, it's during the painful process that you witness His loving comfort. It's through the sorrow that you experience His peaceful presence. It's in these times that you appreciate His closeness. Don't think of this season as God being distant or indifferent, He's 

right beside you waiting for you to call on Him... thank Him and believe He will make things better. Don't waste this time on negative thoughts or trying to figure things out on your own, start enjoying the intimacy He desires to share with you.   

Ten years from now the troubles you face today will seem like a blip on the radar of life. The Lord will make sure that what drowns you today will be what you walk on tomorrow. He uses the good and bad experiences to edify and strengthen you. Nothing in your life goes to waste it's all valuable clay in the potters hands. Don't lose faith things will get better. Trust in God's promises.

Source: Spiritually Single

Happy December

There were days when i don't even want to listen to some songs, when i don't want to walk on certain roads, when i don't want to see some people, when i don't want to talk about some matters in my life. But now, i feel so much freedom inside. Sometimes we just have to go through the process, soaked ourselves in tears and drawn away with the pain. It is a long process, but with a strong heart you will survive! You just have to face the pain, feel the sorrowful moment and slowly raise up. Because after everything it will be better, that broken soul will heal, becoming a new one, strong enough. Bear in mind not to lose your faith along the way.

Don't take the easy way out because it only gives a temporary happiness. The pain may surface again one day. Sometimes, it is not the outer part that matter. It is the inside, the soul, it does need some time away, some rest.

Don't settle when your heart is not ready enough. There is a BIG difference between 'mending someone who's broken and finding someone who makes you complete'.

Happy December people :D

Happy Birthday Grandma!

Today, 30.11.2012, marks the 67 years of my grandmother's age. 

I still remember during my childhood days, we used to spend our school holiday staying with her at the village. It was really great living on the countryside with magnificent view of the gigantic Mount Kinabalu. Staying with my grandmother there was really an eye opening for me to learn the wonderful lifestyles and cultures of people there. 

Back then, my grandma used to bring us to the paddy field situated on the hill. We will be there early in the morning until the sun almost set. That was when i learn the complete process of harvesting the paddy. 

When there were feasts held around the village, we will always grab the opportunity to be there and only be back late at night with my drunk grandma and the fire. I mean a real fire as it is more favoured than torchlight. That was when i learnt the taste of the tasty 'tapai'. 

Before sleep, my grandmother will tell us some stories while we were lying down on the mattress ~ yes my grandma don't favour a bed even until now. I still remember one of it was on dying and becoming ghost who will go around and hunt bad people and bring them into the grave ~ the story was something like that. Listening to it did make me to secretly tearing under the blanket, not because of the scary ghost but because of the fact of life of losing people around when death approached them.

It is funny when my grandma unfold some marked moments of us when we were still little ones. Each of us has our own story, i mean the siblings. Every time the telling goes we will laugh a lot. Mine was on that day when i locked myself in the house while my grandma was doing work outside. She was panic knowing about it as there was no one else in the house and i was so little to grasp the concept of unlocking the door. So she asked one of the villagers to climb over the window to go inside the house. Luckily, the door unlocked. 

Now, my grandma is no longer staying in the village as all of her children are working in town. Because of the worrying condition and few time admittance to the hospital, her children decided to bring her here, in town. She is staying in our previous house which is near to one of my aunts' house and seems to enjoy the stay even though sometimes her face portrays the longing-ness of the village environment. But yes, we still pay a visit there at least once a year and i can't wait to be there again for this year, hopefully, Christmas mass :)

There were just so many countless stories of my grandmother life. So many memories cherished and i am looking forward to look for more with her. Even though, she did scold us sometimes but deep down in her heart she is a soft and lovely grandmother, a great one indeed. 

She is the only grandparent i have now, literally. Both grandparents on my father side had passed away few years ago. Yes, i still have my grandfather on my mother side but now he is living with a 'new' family. I am not really sure how the story goes, but it might surely leave great impacts to my grandmother's heart. Despite of everything, she is able to solely raise her seven children. She is a strong and determine woman! My grandma is an active woman and capable of doing lots of things such as sewing, knitting, cooking, gardening, and even fishing!

On this lovely day, i would love to wish her happy birthday and thank you for everything grandma. So sorry for our undesirable behaviour. May God  shower you with abundant blessings, happiness, and good health. 

Lots of love, may :)

The babysitter

I'm spending some of my holidays on babysitting the newborn baby to the big family. Adorable little Arthur. Little Arthur was safely born on the 8th of November with healthy condition and weighed 3.7 kg.

I have been staying with my aunt and the baby at their house since last week. My uncle is away for outstation work. There is not so much work to be done actually here as i do still have time to take my afternoon nap, entertaining myself with movies or having a story time with my aunt after all the works are done. Usually, i will wake up around 6 am and do all the cooking (rice, anty's breakfast, hot water for the baby and mother bathing). Then, will do some house chores to keep the house neat and clean. Around 8 am i will do the 'bathing' for the baby. At first, this was the most difficult tasks to do. It is not easy to give a baby bath for a newborn especially those who are still in days-old age. On the first few tries, the baby was crying non-stop-able which made me panic and rushing to get the bathing done as soon as possible. But after some advices given along the way, i am able to do it gracefully and lil arthur seems to enjoy the bath time! After the bath time, i will wash the clothes and dry it up. When everything is finished i will take my bath and my morning breakfast or sometimes my brunch. At 11am i will cook my aunt's meal, 'sup lihing'. Yes, i did learn how to cook it and now i am able to prepare a delicious soup! Yayy! While my aunt is taking her meal, it is my time to look after the baby and entertain him. When my aunt is done, i will do the cleaning and take a rest until 4 pm. Then do the cooking again. It is the same cycle of tasks just like the morning part except for the dried clothes, need to take and fold it. Around 7 pm, everything should be done. Then, it is time for my bath and dinner if i am hungry enough to eat. Around 8 pm i will be watching television or sitting/lying comfortably on the bed. Sometimes when my aunt seems to be tired i will help her to look after lil arthur because it is not easy for her to go around as she is still in the 'pantang' mode. That is my life as a babysitter and i'm enjoying every moment of it.

I've learnt lots from it and gaining lots of wonderful tips from my aunt on how to be a good wife and loving mother. Maybe because she is my Godmother and that is why we have this close connection and able to share on almost everthing. We did share lots of stories and even about the 'past love story'! Omo! ~ emo session with my aunt! But still it was funny to talk about it. She did also mention on how to find a potential husband and even suggesting some names from my friend lists after looking through my photo albums with some question tagged along the way. So funny! As if i am going to be married soon but that will be long way to go aunty.

All in all, it is really great spending my days here. Lots of new priceless knowledge learnt and valuable experiences gained! As if im attending a course on taking care a newborn and it is a free one! It is also a great oppurtunity for me to enhance my house-wife-to-be skill!

So today will be my second week to babysit and it makes my love towards baby grows stronger than ever! Hopefully everything goes well :)

Viber with Allyn

We had just spent more than an hour viber-ing each other. Oh my, i really miss the story time we used to have. Recalling back all the sweet memories in high school as well as updating each other on things that are going on in our life. We laughed so loud just like the old times! Dear Rossa Allyn, do take a good care of yourself there. Miss you so much! Will viber you again some other days!

21.11.12

someone you Miss but can't tell the name to the world. #someone#close#friend#him
p.s. my first mobile blog post.

OMO !

Okay, this is so funny! I had just rummaged all my old stuffs which i had kept since high school days. 

Then i found a white envelope entitled 'all the novels'. O dear, i was really a so-loyal-malay-novel-writer back then. I had written few versions of stories where some of the characters are really familiar to my real life. They featured some of the people in my life which makes me to keep these collections for my own reading only! But nothing to worry, they are created based on my imagination and fully original ! It was really funny! Omo ! How could i be so creative and dramatic back then !

Another thing was that i found bunch of books where all the messages, received calls, missed calls and even the dialled ones were written down or maybe the better term is 'recorded down'. Omo ! That was extremely funny ! Everything was recorded, like every single detail. I just can't imagine how i had been so hardworking back then to write everything down. It was all from 2006 - may 2009. So those who had contacted me back then should know that i had all your names written down. Actually i was not even aware what is the purpose of that, but maybe because my 'inbox' was not able to keep all the messages so i had decided to write it down. Now, i am able to recall back some of the people whom i used to be so closed too. But it was really nice, a good feeling indeed to read them back. It is like reminiscing all the sweet and sour memories.

Everything that was written was like a chapter of memories. There were some messages about us trying to sort out things during the taking of PMR & SPM results. Then after that result taking, we texted each other about who got what with some congratulating wishes tagged along. That was really awesome! Then, some texts were about working things out on meeting each other for outings. Some were on heart-to-heart stories. Some were good morning and night wishes !

It also made me to recall back one of the panic moments back to the end of December 2008. I was on the way back from the carolling which ended around 12am and it was really scared to stay alone in a car with the unknown driver, travelling along the almost lonely road. So i texted and called few of my friends. Can't believe i was crying that time and cva was on the phone to comfort me along the way. Yes, i was really really scared ! Luckily nothing bad happened and i arrived home safely with some scolded-worrying advices from some friends. I still kept all the messages ! I am really thankful for those hearts who pray and comfort me. It was one of the most unforgettable moments.

I think sending wishes through messaging was really favoured back then. Birthday, New Year, Christmas, Eid Day and even Exam wishes were never forgotten. Reading back everything also makes me to recall how we used to appreciate the 1 cent texting which was from 12am-6am which was for celcom users only. So we were very active messaging everyone at these hours during the holiday of course as handphone was not permitted in the school. 

Now, i have retired from all the writing stuffs unless the importance ones. But i still have this habit of keeping messages in my phone and the oldest text was from Iga (10:54pm, 12 April 2009) followed by some of the chosen ones, especially those that are motivating as well as wishes for birthday and celebrations. I know that it was really 'traditional' me back then. I love to keep all the records. Maybe it is nothing for some, but me it helps me to remember moments. I even have two boxes of gifts, cards and those associated to memories.  Yeah, we won't live forever, but somewhere along the lines of breathing, those things will help you to remember moments!

P.S. And also now, i know whose hearts i had crush on back then and the other way around! OMO!

A reflection

It is not easy to cover up for others, especially those who caused so much pain to your soul. Not easy at all. 

Sometimes, people are talking about you at the back and it is not easy to still held up your head and pretend like nothing happened. Sometimes, people purposely push you towards the edge and it is not easy at all to stand still even though you know that at any minute, you will fall. Sometimes, people are planning something bad towards you, knowing about it and pretend like nothing is just like having your brain and purposely not digesting the fact. Sometimes people took away your things and never returned it back and it is not easy at all to comfort your heart and tell just to let it go. Sometimes people get credits for your work and it is not easy at all to just keep it down when you have to do the extra work without publishing how much destructive it had caused to yourself. It is just not easy at all to just walk away without pushing a charge to those who hurt and tear yourself down. And it is not easy at all to walk away without blaming others for causing you so much pain. even though that pain is meant for something good or for a purpose. Sometimes things are just so hard, so difficult and all you need to do is just to hold on, keep it silently down inside your heart. 

But at some points, without realizing it, we survived the battle!

It is just NOT in my nature to openly blame others, or hold any grudge or finger points others for the mistakes they caused. It is just not so me to use any remark to label others' actions. I rather held the white flag, not because to show the sign of weakness but that is what i believe the most. I don't like fighting, arguing or blaming. Yes, many things happened throughout this year. Most of the time i choose to keep things low. But somehow, after all, i just feel so burden-less inside. 

Thank you God for taking away the 'pain'. Lord, i pray for you to heal the broken relationship, the broken hearts and the broken souls. May all of us start freshly in Your grace and love. Amen :)

This just as a reflection with no intention to create any hard feeling between any soul.

Humble

I went back from church last night and had this so powerful feeling inside. I feel like thanking all the people around me. Somehow and somewhere everyone plays significant parts in making who i am today. They are the anonymous saints sent to me everyday. Happiness, sorrowful, joyful, frustrated and whatever feelings that were impacted to me helps to build my thoughts, values and faith. In between everything, i learn the power of humility in life. 

'The greatest miracles are the unspectacular ones; the greatest saints, probably, are the anonymous ones. "Should you ask me: what is the first thing in religion?" wrote St. Augustine, "I would reply: the first, second and third thing therein is humility." What about love? Isn't that first? Without humility love is not possible: there may be some activity of the ego disguised as love, but there is no love. Humility is the altar for which God receives sacrifices, said someone else. We thank God this day for all the anonymous saints of all time.' 

Thank you everyone for being a good friend. Peace be with you. God bless.

Happy All Souls Day

May all souls rest in peace.

Random Sayings

She wished all her memories were of the good times but the bad times kept coming back to haunt her.

There were happy days, when she would walk around in a daydream with nothing but a smile on her face, catching herself giggling as she walked down the street when a joke of theirs would suddenly pop into her head. Then she would fall into days of deep dark depression; then finally build up the strength to be positive and to snap out of it for few days.

It was a tiring process and most of the time she couldn't be bothered battling with her mind.

Friends and family came and went; sometimes helping her with the tears, other time making her laugh . But even in her laughter there was something missing.

It was time to stop hiding in the dark and to hold your head up high and come face to face with the truth.

'You don't have to put on a brave face all the time, you know'

Whatever lay ahead, she knew she would open her heart and follow where it led. 

In the meantime, she would just live.

'P.S. I Love You' by Cecelia Ahern 

Thankful

God’s love remains steadfast and sure. That’s a love we can trust. In times like these, hold on to His promise.

"Be thankful in all circumstances"

Now, i am fully recovered! Kamsahamida ! Need to concentrate for examination. Focus! Maybe i'm too excited for the upcoming holidays. In two weeks time, at time like this, i will be leisurely sleeping on my own bed in my home sweet home . yaaayy !

Once again, Kamsahamida!

Unnecessary ‘Sacrifice'

Different people will have different interpretations of certain issues, words written or the actions portrayed. No matter what the sayings go, I know where I stand. I know my life better. Just don’t dramatise any unnecessary ‘sacrifice’ because it won’t entertain my heart at all.

Updates

I have just recovered from a terrible-headache-diarrhoea sickness which for the first time ever, i skipped a class ! i really can't afford to even stand for minutes. I was forcing myself to walk in and out of the toilet. Even during the dance practice i felt like collapsing on the floor. It was damn-ly tiring and headache-ing. I wish i could just faint anywhere. The worse things were the food was tasteless, i had a sore throat and I just don't feel like going to clinic.

Luckily the sickness does not last forever. Thanks roomate for the panadol and cool fever! not to forget my friends around for your concerns, Kamsahamida! I am gaining my energy back, all the food become tasty again, no more spending so much time in the toilet and i am able to dance gracefully on the stage :D

Can't wait for the show! Two more days. I hope everything will go smoothly and please be healthy dear may! 

Reminiscing the memory of musical night in 2009. We were the newbies back then. Yayy ! Such a wonderful memory to join the dancing troupe in IPBL :D

Here i am now, counting days for..

musical night 2012

exam to end ~ jiayoouuu !

&

flight to go back home! I miss I miss I miss my home !

I have long lists for things to do and places to go for my holidays this time.

FUNNY thing happened today ~ I was sitting comfortably on my chair this evening and suddenly i felt my hand was thinner than before, like i was touching a thin skin and i can feel the BONE part ! and suddenly i just had this automatic movement to cafeteria. I rushed to the counter, ordered my food and had it eaten as soon as possible ~ i feel that i am becoming thinner than before. Is it because of the sickness or did i loss my memory on eating my dinner. O dear, i want to lose weight but feel scare if in no time i become like a skeleton walking around ! ~ okay i know this is not funny at all.

But really, i need to congratulate myself for taking my dinner today. yaayy! 

Till then.

12.10.12

It is a nice date today ~ 12.10.12

There are some points in my life where i have nothing more to ask. Everything is more than enough. All i want to do is to thank God. Day by day, i learn to understand every single thing that happened. People who come and go. Things that happen, things that come to me. They leave some wonderful memories in my heart, should be cherished forever. I learn to understand that there are just some things that is not mean for me. Life is a long journey and might end unexpectedly. When we die, we are not going to bring the money we have or the position we hold or the status we stand on or the beloved people around us. It is going to be between you alone and God. Though it is seem to be an individual battle, it doesn't mean we should be selfish. It is the heart that counts and the love you share with others. It is how we accept each other regardless of the physical appearance, wealth, education level or rank. It is how we value the differences that exist in every humankind. Even though we have the faith but it is nothing if it is not demonstrated in actions. Sometimes it is not about being good or bad, it is to do the right thing.

I want to and I will

These days have been so good to me. I have had a good, happy and great day. Well yes because all the assignments and tasks were submitted. The marks are in, only left with the exam part which will start this end of month. But still, i haven't started with my revision. I am still leisurely enjoying my free time. Following activities around. But it is alright, i need some fresh air. Need to socialise with people around after weeks cramping my brain with all the assignment stuffs. 

Tomorrow, we are going to have a netball tournament. How i wish that everyone could join. Because honestly, i play for enjoyment not for the sake of winning only. If winning is the point of participating the sport, then we should start with the training earlier like months ago. It just for fun. But it's okay, all the best for us tomorrow. Do cheer for us yaa. Musical night is coming in less that 2 weeks where the show will be on 21 October, at night. Can't wait for the night to come ~ lets dance together :D The dinner was great and the RunNat was awesome! Both moments are cherished in my heart ! Looking forward for these events next year.

Today, we had this talk with our lecturer about our overall performance in study. I can feel that most lecturers are just not that happy with us. We are the first batch of TESL and the one who is spotted by the MQA in 2014. I know we should do better, not just individually but as a group. But I know we could, we want to do better and we will do excellently. Being teacher is not as easy as one thinks off. Yes, the pay is high and we get long holidays, but guaranteed job is 'NO' on next year onwards. We do need to go through some kind of interview before posting. Teaching in class is just not to make the pupils learn but we also need to take care of the classroom management, different learning style, surrounding area, tools we used in class and everything, not including the filing & records, exam, discipline problems, GERKO, and so on. Yes, every profession has it advantages and disadvantages too. But what makes teacher profession so special is that, a teacher could mould one's future whether to inspire them or to put them down. Most of us stand on our path today is because of our teachers back then. Even sometimes, children believe their teacher more than their parents. Yes, teacher holds much powers that one could think off. That is why we really need to build our proficient, not just for the sake of teaching but to inspire one, to touch the heart of the new generations.

Anyway, we have two more years to go after this semester. Yes, more focus is needed. But at the same time even though study in my priority now, i will not forget all the beautiful things that come along the way. I don't want to stuck myself with all the notes in room. I want to join other activities too. Going for a trip, dancing, participating in any competition, playing sports, outing, laughing, reading novel, playing games, spending times with family and friends, jogging or at least go for a nice evening walk. Seize every moments.

Yes, I want to and i will :)

A Prayer

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. 

(Lamentations 3:25-29, The Message).

~ Spiritually Single ~

'Where Rainbows End' [Book Review]

Cecelia Ahern is one of my favourite author. The first novel written by her that i read was 'PS I Love You'. Since then i fall in love with her writing. Simple language yet could captivate my heart and leave some wonderful insights for me to ponder along the way. Hence, I bought the second novel by her, 'Where Rainbows End'.

This book is about love and friendship. Everything was written in a form of letters, emails, instant messages and postcards. I like how each word is twisted around. This book portrays the friendships between Alex and Rossie. Through years, there is a spark of love circling their friendship. And for the ending part, you might want to read it by yourself.

This book makes me wander if two best friend could fall in love with each other. I never have any boy who is so closed to me where we can act like really like a 'crazy friends'. But i do have some whom i am comfortable talking with about anything. Is it 'that' what we call best friend? I am not sure either. Haha. But if i am to fall with one i will be singing the 'Lucky' song by Jason M.

P. S. Okay enough with the rambles, need to get ready. I have a dinner to attend tonight.

Tomorrow will be participating in RunNat. need to save some energy to run tomorrow. It is a run and pray activity, anyway wish us all the best.

A girl, A woman, A lady

Know me by heart, not just merely on my appearance.

Pelangi Senja

Listening to this song makes me want to visit the Mabul Island again. My friend told me that the video clip for this song was shot at the Mabul Island, Semporna. I am not a fan of island visit before until i stepped to Mabul Island for the first time last June. The view was incredible and i just love everything about it. The fantastic scenery, warm breeze, sandy ground and breath-taking air. But just be ware that you might need lots of sunblock or else you will be sunburned which could last like one month if it is not treated immediately with the after-sun cream! I wish to go there again and next time should go for the water activities. Tell you what, Semporna should be in your must-visit-lists. If you have the chance to go to Semporna, do stop by the islands. It might be quite expensive but it is worth.

I want to go there again. Yes, one day !

Last but not least, say hello to October !

It's month of Rosary.

I miss it!

I read my old FB status and it reminds me about the old days ~ how i miss it !

I realise that it was until the earlier 2011 year that i had been actively in contact with my friends and after that i didn't know what happened. Seems like a line had stopped there. Maybe it was my fault that i was not that so active to be in touch with everyone. Or is it because everyone is growing, and the distance grow apart too. Frankly, I never want that friendship circle to break. Even though everything has changed but i believe our friendship promise is tightly held. 

Everyone is widely spread around the world. Committed to study and building up future. It feels like just yesterday i was sitting in a class and learning all the mathematics formula, reading literature and writing essay with everyone. The next day could be one of the biggest days in our life ~ graduation, first day of working, enjoying our salary and getting married with someone special. The life transition is faster than i thought. Everyone is catching up with their own life. It is like entering a new stage of life. Before we were to deal with school, friends, homework and so on. Now, more to graduating, having a stable career & financial and looking for life lover. Looks like some has found their partners and gotten into serious relationship. So, don't forget to save one invitation card for me.Whatever is it, i wish that everyone is doing great with their life.

Dear Smeshians 0408 ~ i miss you all, sorry for not being in contact always, lets meet again in the future.

Small Feast

At last, everything finishes just in time. I'm still breathing, safe and sound as usual. Let's not talk about all the hectic days. Let's move forward, and see all the beautiful things ahead. 

There are some coming activities to end my year in IPBL.We will be having our annual dinner this 5th of October with 'Down to the Memory Lane' theme. But i can't even remember those things that make me to become who i am today when i first stepped into IPBL because they are just so many of it. Blessings :). Another thing is that i am going to dance for Musical night this year too. It is going to be my fourth time joining this event. This year i will be dancing some of the ethnics dance - Iban, Bidayuh, Ulu and Sabahan. The most exciting part is that i am going to wear the Iban costume, which is the first time in my life ! yaayyy ! We will be entering the netball tournament too, hope so. Last but not least, exam will be the concluding event before the year end holiday. Wish us all the best.

To celebrate my freedom, I had a small feast for myself last night. yeee !

For all the blessings, good or bad, thank you Father.

'It Matters Whom You Marry'

My friends share this link in the FB and i feel, it does and REALLY matter of whom you marry. Here are some words that i found inspiring if one is to pursue a love relationship, in Christian views:

Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn't know and love your Lord.

Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.

Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.

True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones.

Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.

Just a little thoughts. Dear women out there ~ the right one will come at the right time, choose wisely and don't forget to pray it. God knows the best.

Girls are like apples

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Someone told me years ago to 'StarDB4U♥+1'. Even though i fall for once, but now I'm standing with it again, until everything is settle down, until my ♥ is ready enough.

SYD 3

I know it had been more than one month, but still the memory of SYD 3 is crystal clear in my mind ! I love all the activities organised and people i met. Can't believe that i am able to participate this once in a 4 years event. 

SYD 3 was held in Tambunan at the Holy Cross Toboh Church. It was a 6 days 5 nights camp. Our contingent, Menggatal, was chosen to stay with foster family. The village that we stayed is not that far from the church itself. Just 20 - 30 minutes walk and we walked everyday go and back except the last day. Yes, at first it was really tiring to walk especially at night. No light street at all. But actually out of all the activities, this walking part was the best. It is part of the journey in SYD 3. 

To sum up, let the pictures talk.

Menggatal contingent with our yell ~ tarikkkkkkk !

us ~ assigned to be the choirs for the second day mass at the church :) 

Picture at the Groto

Picture with our foster family. Simple living yet full of blessing. God blesses mama & family :)

Another wonderful thing about SYD is that it is a place for gathering. I got to meet lot of my friends who are

gibo & ray, my secondary school friends

green shirt, Cindy, my part time friend at Sabah Air

white shirt, Tiara, who is from the same village with me and she shares some significant memory with me.

IPBL-ians ~ libe, elsie & eva

the 2nd place winner of Sabah Beauty pageant 2012 

my second cousin, claire, my mother and his father are the first cousins 

last but not least, the syd singer, who is eva's sister

the pictures i love the most is here;

me and sheryl !

Anyway, SYD 3 was really awesome! It leave some significant impacts to myself. Thank you GSCM youths, thank you to the organizers, thank you to all youths, thank you to all families and thank you Father.

Looking forward for SYD 4 2016 ~ tawau maree!

My hope, faith and love

Hello there !

How is life? mine? quite hectic, sleepless night, tiring day. But despite of those battles, i am still blessed. Looking back at everything, all was wonderfully planned! Thank you Lord. Yes, these few days had been really a struggle for me. But I survived. Between this business lies some empty ports for me to take at least a short rest. It's weekend ! Yeaayy !

I had written lots of random posts lately and my attitudes were quite shakeable that i had come to some points in my life where i caught myself becoming more demanded that before. It was so different of me. But i guess it is part of the growing process. Trying to balance my attitudes, thoughts and acts. Distinguishing some things in my life. There might be some immature thoughts and childish acts poured around but it have no intention to offence any party. 

Talking about the future, I had my wish lists for it. I had been wishing it since i was in school. Yet, some of the wishes was just a dream, unfulfilled one. It is vanishing away. I had my plan but God has a BIGGER plan for me. Day to day, i realise that i have a special call in this life. It is to touch the heart of the new generation. Becoming a future teacher ~ that is part of the blessings in my life. Along the way, i have to leave some things, some people and some chances. 

Maybe, i don't have the opportunity to study abroad, to experience how it feels to stay in a place with four seasons, and to sit a bus that are full of unknown people. But i know God has a GREAT plan for me. There are reasons why i have  to step on some grounds, to bump into some people, to sit on some chairs, to sleep on certain bed and to walk on certain paths. There are reasons for it. I am not skilled to understand it now. But I believe, it is a wonderful one. 

Life is just so mysterious. I don't know what are the things waiting for me ahead, the people whom i will meet and that someone who will put a ring on my finger. What ever the surprises lie ahead, good or bad, I will always have my hope, faith and love in God.

Tired.

I just woke up and i feel extremely exhausted ~ physically, emotionally and mentally. These few days had been really hectic. Don't know how i managed to survive with everything. I feel that i had been consuming too much coffee and nescafe for the last few days, it was like 2 or at least one packet each day. Too bad for my health. I am really in need for a 'fresh air'.

Dear Lord, be with me. 

Paris

I am going to buy a nice 'flat' in Paris. Yes I am. But the 'flat' that i am referring to actually is the 'pair of women's shoes with very low heels' (Oxford Dictionary). I was quite surprised when people thought that it was the apartment. I never thought of that unless i am to be married with some Parisian man. Who knows? Hehe. Anyway, I have always and wanted to go to Paris. I want to have a picture taken in front of the Eiffel Tower. Perhaps, someday.

Mixture of thoughts

Here comes the most packed week for us! Not with activities but tons of assignments. I wonder if teachers-to-be are the only humans who have the most assignments on earth. I am not here to complain. But just to leave a note that i might not be available for couple of days or a week maybe. Hopefully everything will be just alright, run smoothly without too much stress air along the way or stressed people. But don't worry, we are going to make this! Hwaiting to all my tesl siblings and mates.

Remember, i posted something about how we were being quite disrespect with some lecturers weeks ago. It happened again today. Yet, no one is to be blame. I can't read his heart, but his expression showed what he exactly felt. Please don't do it any more. Have some hearts. They deserve respects though they might not speak they way we understand or spoon-feed us with comprehensible inputs. I regard us all as young adults, who know to look for knowledge by ourselves not to solely depend on the lecturers itself. Even though we score high marks, own a beautiful face, have lots of money but without good hearts and attitudes, all are nothing at all. 

At times, i can sense some 'unhappiness' air around. It makes me want to be home. Even though i am so used to be far away from home, but if i were asked the thing i  wanted the most right now, it will be home.

Most of the times, my thought is not burdened by the assignments or my study part but it is mostly on my life. As if something is unsure about the path even though i am doing well. As if something is missing. Dear God, give me strength to face whatever is it that lies ahead. 

Judgmental

Everyone has the right to pour out their thoughts. For me, there is no right or wrong things in this world. It is what you believe the most that influence your judgements on certain things in life. You might think it wrong but for some people it is right thing to do. Overall, it depends on our own stance. What we believe the most, what serve as the basis of everything in our life. We are free to express our thoughts, free to act like what we want to. Still, in everything there is a price to be paid. Certain people might not feel uncomfortable with us. There are some who will condemn our actions. Things happen that way whether to teach us or to help us to balance our own thought. If it is good for us, take it. If not, then just ignore it. Don't be too judgemental. Don't complain too much. If you are to complain then say it in a way that won't hurt others. Even though we were taught to be a critical thinker, think wisely, do things in the way that you believe the most, remember there are prices tagged in each word that come out from our mouth.

I did not talk that much for most of the time. Not because i disagree. Not because i agree too. And not because i am trying to be the good character in every story. But the quietness in me was spent for me to adjust my own thought. I never condemn others' sayings. It is up to them what they want to say but please don't 'bark' things out. 

In most of the time, it depends on us how to perceive things. Bear in mind, that people do not have the same thinking. Yes, it might be the same thought but the belief might be varies at different degree.

Camps in a row

SYD & BIG camps done ! Tomorrow will be another camping, which might be the last one for this semester. It is a UB camp, KRS and i am super duper excited for it ! can't wait for all the adventurous activities ! Out of everything, i really enjoy camping. I have always love camping since ages !

P.S. Have you ever dreamt of going for a date with someone ? I did and it was really really a great feeling!

Thankful. Grateful. Blissful.

'Up to one moment in my life, all i want to do is only to THANK GOD for everything'

Despite of all the downs, everything turns out so well. i have nothing more to ask. i have never expected that my last semester result is going to be like that. yes, i still don't understand how i managed to make it. but with God's grace, He makes all things right, He plans everything perfectly. I just want to thank for it. another thing that makes me feel so blessed was the time spent together with my family the night before i went for SYD. It had been such a long time we had never gathered as 'one' family, i might say it had been like 7 years. It was a truly great night for us, the jokes and laughs, i will miss a lot of it. i hope that we could have more time spent together in days to come. the SYD camp was a part of the blessings. even though, my SYD spirit almost dried up, there is voice inside me that keeps telling me to go for it. YES! it was a really wonderful, full of new brand insights and uplifting moments. for everything, i just want to say THANK YOU LORD.

When i reflect everything back, it was quite a tough journey. through the ups and downs, i learn to find myself, i learn to define my stance. i learn to surrender everything, even the slightest one, to God. for everything in my life, i want Him to be the centre of it. 

To some people in my life, i never have the hatred feeling against you all. never want to dislike either. but i was just a bit hurt with some little matters and with that i choose to stay away from some individuals. i never blame anyone for it and never want to. i just want a space for my life, to adjust everything. to put everything in place and to settle it in a proper way. i forgive you and forgive myself too. let just start a new chapter, walk on a new path with new people. i believe God has a beautiful plan for each and everyone of us. it is a plan to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future :)

I might have hurt some hearts along the way. i am so sorry, i never mean to do it, but it is for good, for us.

'I am unable to give my heart or make any promise because my HEART belongs to God and my PROMISE is written on my vow which only to be given and recited on THAT day with GOD as the centre of everything'

For all the BLESSINGS in my life, thank you Lord.

Rindu si Puppy !

I miss our Puppy :')

Final SBE ~ Sk. Inanam Laut

My SBE starts today, and again there am i the only one doing SBE in the school. But it is alright. I am blessed that the schools is welcoming just like the previous ones. Yet, I should have come earlier this morning. It is quite embarrassing when i stepped to the front gate and everyone was ready for the morning assembly. But what to do, just act cool like nothing happened.

After meeting with the GB, I was informed that the school will start the Raya holiday on Thursday which means i only have 3 days to do my SBE. And on the third day, there is no P&P because they have programme. Within the times left, with all my strength, i rushed and will rush myself here and there ! Hope to get all the required information. Wish me luck for my second day tomorrow.

Update

Finally, the holiday season has arrived. Though it is not a long and that-free holiday, but still it is time for home ! So, i went back yesterday morning. Reached home around 12 noon with tiredness and sleepiness. Seem like this week has been quite a sleepless night for us as we were to submit few tasks. Yesterday, i did also have a wonderful night meeting my fellow high school friends. They were still awesome like always, still with the smesh-like jokes ! everything reminds me of my secondary days ~ yaayy ! It was really a great night, thank you for those who were able to make it. Looking forward for another gathering with more of us :)

This morning, I woke up early to send mimi to the bus station. She was going home and i just hope she reached home safely  which she did ! yaayy ! Then, I went to the church for mass. After mass I met my youth friends. They were welcoming as always. Feel so happy meeting them. As far as i could remember, my SYD spirit had almost dried out. Yet, after meeting them, it goes up ! Thank you Lord ! I am going for SYD 3 next week. I hope i will be preparing my inner self within these few days. Around 2pm, we had our choir practice for one of the masses during the SYD later. Singing in the choirs makes my soul refreshed inside ! Once again, thank you Lord for this blessing !

I did also meet someone today. I just hope she is doing fine and may God bless her with good health and happy days. Take care aunty :)

Tomorrow will be having my SBE at SK Inanam Laut. This time, even though i might be alone, I will give my best ! yeee ! :)

So far, life is full of blessings. Loving Father, thank you :)

Spiritually Single

He is guiding you to greener pastures and steering you away from danger. He only wants the best for you...trust Him.

Don't worry it's just a matter of time. God has perfect timing, never early, never late.

"There is a special time for everything."

Don't rush into a relationship that deep down inside you know has no future. Wait on the Lord.
"Rest in the Lord and be willing to wait for Him." 

Happy Friendship Day !

I remember that during high school we used to wish each other 'Happy Friendship Day' on this day every year. We even sent each other small friendship cards to show our appreciation and to be kept as a remembrance. But today, this kind of tradition is not widely 'practice' any more. Maybe because we are far away from each other. Or maybe because it is the era of Facebook where a written card is not that usable any more. I am not sure what is the real reason anyway.

It is true that everyday is a friendship day but by having a special day for friends, it gives us time to think about all the moments spent with our friends, no matter how far they are and how long we have known them. Just like our born day. It is a one of the special days in our life. I can't count how many friends i have but i value each and everyone of them !

Dedicated to all my friends ~ kindergarten, primary, secondary, youth, IPBL and everyone whom i have meet throughout the journey ~ Happy Friendship Day dear friends! Wherever you are, do take care and have a blessed life journey :D

Demotivating

I don't know why i just feel so demotivating with everything in my life now. There are lots of things to be done but i am not in the mood to progress. As if something is missing somewhere but i don't know what is it. I have been so leisurely enjoying my days with outings. It was great! But somewhere there are still some missing pieces in my life. Huhh ! It is not like i am not being ungrateful. At some points, i was having a thought of how would my life be 1 year from now, 3 years or 10 years ? It is a kind of life where i will be graduating after my final year, posted to some random schools in rural area, meeting my future husband, get married, having children, ensuring them to get proper education and spending the rest of my life educating other children too. Looking everything as a whole, it is kind of predictable story.

Hmm .. 

Yet, i am not sure either if that is the exact kind of life i will lead someday. But at least, i want to do something adventurous and yet memorable to be kept. I have bunch of lists of places to go and activities to be done. Like going for a 'one man' travelling to some foreign country, greeting strangers and seating in a bus with bunch of unknown people.

Anyway, i will be back in less than two weeks. Sadly, i just don't have that excitement to go back home. Don't know why. Though my holidays are fully occupied with activities where one of them is the most awaited one. Maybe i have this little imbalanced-mood-state inside. I feel like going for shopping , or a proper words to describe ~ window shopping. You know, some girls love to go for it as it gives us some fresh-sight. I know that i don't have that much money to own everything but i just love to  have beautiful things around. 

Picture taken at Lundu last Saturday ~ it was a great breath-taking road trip !

Thank you Lord :D

I am so thankful with everything in my life now ~

wonderful people ~ family, friends and everyone around me
sufficient daily needs ~ shelter, foods, clothes
life's opportunities ~ study, socialize

for each..
new day, breath, and the lists go on.

I feel so blessed. Everything is just more than enough.
If there is anything i want to ask ~ the thing that I only want is for God to bless all the people in the world especially those who need it the most. I do want to pray for strength to face each coming day :)

Thank you Lord.

I got a tattoo for real

This time i am not kidding. I got a tattoo.

Anyway, it is just an airbrush tattoo which last for a week. It costs me rm10 but at least it gave me something to brag on for my weekend !