Not for a moment

And every step every breath you are there 
Every tear every cry every prayer 
In my hurt at my worst 
When my world falls down 
Not for a moment will You forsake me 
Even in the dark 
Even when it's hard 
You will never leave me 
After all 
Not for a moment will You forsake me

The day

There is a day when it gets just so tiring of repeating the same things over and over again. The day when it gets too much that it doesn't give out any feeling anymore. For the time being, let just treasure the best we could. Dear young hearts, you'll always the special ones. I don't want to just get through the day. But I would want us to make the best out of each moment. And I know, it is a cyclic feeling. They will come and go but the moments and memories will stay forever.

Those anticipated moments

When I was in my primary and secondary schools, I was in blue sports team. I guess, that was a kind of sign for the things that is happening now. Teaching year 4 Tun Hussein, who are in the blue sport team too, sparks an unforgettable experience that touches the deepest part of the soul.  

One of the most anticipated things in school is my pupils, or better pronounce as my former pupils. I just don't know why I always have this strong feeling inside towards them. Perhaps, those three months together engraved so much memories. I won't deny it that there were days when things were so bitter that I couldn't hold my tears any more, if I could, I would want to just get over with everything that moment, but my heart doesn't want to give them up. I remember some of the first moments together which was on the 'Sorry Party'. I am totally in awe of how they managed to get it done. That was the first time when I failed to hold on myself that I just burst out of the class when the lesson ended and didn't talk to any of them. I knew that was so immature sulking act ever. But things were directed in the other way around and it touched my heart a lot. They came out with a plan to throw a party for me. They even had the floor plan which was photocopied for all the class members. They collected money and bought boxes of KFC. They made a banner, arranged themselves in rows, asked me to stand outside of the class and waited for the surprises behind the door and all sorts of things to ensure the party will be a success. That day, I was speechless, feel awkward, and in total awe. And that was the day when I just feel that they are more than the special ones for me. I might not talk or close to all of them, but I am assure that we have that strong feeling inside. Every now and then, they always brighten the days especially in this toughest month and those coming ones. I guess all of us, the final semester trainees will have that feeling of being overloaded inside. But just a simple greeting and smile from the young ones, it breaks through everything. And I couldn't deny that I miss them all a little bit more each day.

For the 3 weeks left with them, I just want to treasure and cherish everything. They will always be the special ones in my heart for when I look back at our memories, my heart smiles. 

Hi!

It has been a while since I have been an active blogger. Perhaps, I have been hibernated from blogging for some time and it seems that I couldn't really get everything updated. Well, this will be quite a long post of how life has been so far. 

I will be starting my final semester in few days for my degree year. Oh dear, I didn't really realise how time flies so fast. On the first day of receiving the offer itself, I don't have that clear idea of how the 5 and the half years are going to turn into. But this is it. 5 years and it passed just like that. Perhaps, it may not turn into what my heart wishes the most, but it is what God has in store for me. For that is the one sole reason that keep me going up to now. At some points, I am fully amazed of how things work on and never thought that I am going to end to some positions in life. Some are just heartbreaking, yes it was. Some are just unbearable, but God makes it bearable for me. Looking into everything, I am in awe. So here it goes, the 5 and the half journey has almost come to an end. I hope nothing but to cherish ever moment. 

Student life has been great and yes I am going to miss it so much later. But there is always a little wish inside me of wanting to go through a Uni life as life in IPG now is almost like the normal school life, even we got the same holiday terms scheduled. Perhaps, one day I will go for it. Next year if everything goes according to plan, I will be teaching in my own school. How does it feel? Of course I'm fully excited! I don't know why some just have this misconception about teaching profession for the obvious bonus we got; high pay and long holiday. Yes, that is rewarding enough for a young adult who has just started his/her career. But I am sure that each soul called teacher always has that fulfilment seeing the pupils succeed in everything they do, not just being intellectually competence but develop positively in their personality, talents and other soft skills. To make every young ones to realise their potential and soar higher. I always have that feeling every time when I walk and wonder down the street, that how am I going to fit each and everyone of my pupil in this society, how much impacts could I give to them so that they know their roles in the community. As the impacts that I carry to them could save their whole life or put them into stake. But not all days are going good either, at some points I may find myself mourning inside for the failures caused to the little ones. That's is life. Up and down.

Holiday has been so full though there were times when I found myself doing nothing. But being surrounded by the homey environment, it makes the heart feels good. Good is enough. Yet, there are times when I just feel insecure here. I don't know why but I just don't feel safe at time especially on the raising unwanted cases recently. Need to keep myself alert all the times. I have been going out a lot too, hanging around with friends and of course playing around with cousins, and the highlight; I cut my hair short and this time I just don't regret it at all, but not sure later. Well yes, I really have to cut it short for the weather here is just intolerable. At a point I thought I was sick for sweating so much though the fan is fully functioning, but I was wrong for my aunts told the same thing too. Okay, I am just a normal one. 

Perhaps, I won't be able to record every little things going on in life for the time being. Life next semester will be very busy. I have decided to go for things that I never try before and challenge myself to where I am able to soar. If I fail, it is still good because I know the process itself is rewarding. At least I try. And if there are days when I just feel so drain inside I will challenge myself to at least smile knowing that life is good. I will fully embrace the experience and the learning process and give my best in everything. So challenge accepted, lets do this! ;)

Lastly, I hope that I won't be forgetting the on basic things even if life is drowning me away. Dear people, lets remind each other. Smile and enjoy the ride!

I'll trust in You

There are things that are just kept between some souls. Some that just break the hearts for countless times. Some that just flash unpleasant scents. Some that hit into the deepest edge of the soul. But they are part of the things that made to who I am today. My heart chooses to acknowledge it presence because I know that when I was there, I was smiling. Some things are just meant to be in that way. So let it be. At some points, it gets me discourage a little yet I know that life is to move on, He knows the best and I trust everything in Him :')

Coming home, soon!

So, it has been a while and really a while! Well, I'm officially 'running' towards the end line of my 7th semester, one more to nail and I'm absolutely done with it! Yeah, I'm finishing everything, on time which is totally freaking awesome, but it gets me little emotional day by day. Even moving out of my 5 years room, it gets my heart teary inside. But after all, we are staying in a new hostel block which is 3x times bigger than the old one, furnished with pairs of beds, closets and desks, attached with bathroom and most importantly, we get to sleep like a princess with cold breeze, air conditioner! Okay, that was not the main point I would like to emphasize, it is just that everything is getting me so emotional inside! But yeah, just LET it go!

The 7th semester has been great as always, which sometimes I found my self up there smiling for no reason because life is just so so so great! and other time soaking myself with ocean of tiredness, frustrations and sorrow. But that is one of the best thing in life as a final year student I guess! Having those inconsistent mix feelings, a once in a lifetime experience! Like staying up late and try not to look like a zombie in the next day, though it fails! Sometimes, just let the heart see where the experience will bring it, and if you have the heart for something just go for it! Just be bold with things, get drenched out and after that, reward yourself with something good, like food! The main compliment I always award myself which in turn I gain some kilos!

 

Anyway, I'm coming back home soon, and for something big! *wink* may everything be well, and please do! Aims for the holiday before nailing down my final semester: going for a road trip with the loveliest, 'fooling' around with my little cousins, getting a new haircut and a MUST one, diet! Hope it gives me enough energy to get this through!

TEACHING JOURNAL - WEEK 12

As future educator, it is important for me to develop my proficiency in many aspects, such as knowledge about my major subject, various language skills as well as the life skills and to widen my experiences through the exposures in the journey as a teacher trainee. By going through the 3 phases of teaching practice, it helps me to widen my perspectives in viewing the ‘real teaching world’.

In this third teaching practice in SK Green Road, I had encountered various types of real situations in teaching world which some I never expect at all. I admit that there were days where things were just so challenging and I did feel like giving up. However, through every hurdle I managed to see the positive sides of things that were happening with the guidance given by the people around me. I believe that teaching is not easy yet I come to see that life as a teacher is a blessed one. A teacher has the power to carry some impacts especially to the young souls as well as to touch the life of others along the way.

As human, it is normal to have all the negative feelings and to experience the meltdown points. Most importantly is not to give up easily in every obstacle encountered. To be a future educator, I need to learn to be a ‘multitask person’ as teacher job is not just to teach but stretch beyond that: a manager, a recorder, a facilitator, a mediator, a coach and the list goes on. Thus, it is very essential for me to always be mentally, emotionally and physically prepared for all the things that I will be experiencing in this journey as future educator.

As I am still at the inexperience level, I admit that it was quite hard for me to cope with things around especially in managing the class and ensuring that ‘real and meaningful learning’ is taking place. I feel that it is important for teacher to develop a positive teacher-student relationship in order to create more motivating and fun learning environment. When a teacher manages to be like one, the same positive vibe will be reflected among the pupils too; that they may treat each other well too.

I have learnt that making mistake is part of the learning process. There were days when I feel that the activities conducted were quite boring, not that interactive and too far beyond the pupils’ level of proficiency. Yet, from that I learn so many things which help me to conduct more suitable and appropriate teaching and learning activities in the class.

I come to realize that the most important thing is the real intention to teach. It is not just for the sake of imparting knowledge or completing the job as a teacher but also to develop the personality sides of the pupils. A teacher is to teach and inspire young souls to become a competence individual in every aspect and also to be a ‘wise man’ in making decision in the future.

I am thankful to have wonderful mentor and lecturer who always guide me through this phase of practicum. Indeed, both of them are very experienced, supportive and dedicated! The staffs and teachers are also very cooperative and willing to lend helps at any time. The relationships fostered through the stories shared on their teaching experience inspire me in so many ways. I salute their dedication and commitment in the teaching field. They are indeed great role models. Not to forget my awesome practicum mates and course mates (PISMP TESL January 2011) for the brilliant teaching ideas shared and random jokes cracked which make each day full of happiness despite of all the workloads.

In this phase of practicum I am taking two classes; Year 4 Tun Hussein (English class) and Year 4 Tun Abdullah (PSV class). Honestly, there were days when things get so challenging; experiencing the unstable emotions, questioning the capability as a teacher, and everything that comes together in between. Yet, the moments shared with the pupils always make everything worth and it means a lot to me. Those little souls teach me how to view things differently, to be happy without reason, to be spirit-filled and energetic all the time and to appreciate every single little thing in life. Being with them for three months is only a small part of time spent in their life, but I hope the moments shared, the happiness sparked, the tears shed, and the lesson learnt will carry impacts that will last for a lifetime. I hope nothing but for each and every one of them to be great individuals someday!

Again, thank you so much to SK Green Road for this opportunity to be part of the ‘Greenians’ community. The time spent, the lesson learnt, and the memories made will be treasured in my heart forever! It is true that though the challenges were so great at times, one could discover the joy in teaching if his or her heart to teach is at the right purpose. With all my heart, I believe that this journey as Future Educator is a worth one and the ‘call’ to be a teacher is part of the blessings in my life!

YEAR 4 TUN HUSSEIN, SK GREEN ROAD KUCHING 2014

Will be missing each and everyone of you :'(

1 Month left

1 month left and that's it. The same routine will begin soon in few hours. So much mix feeling inside. Trying to comfort my heart between all those thoughts. Holiday had been great but it seems that time is flying so fast this time or isn't that what is happening all these time. Despite of that, I am glad to have a little break in between. So, here it is. Four weeks left. This will be the last teaching phase for me before stepping into the real world of teaching. And this is also the longest time spent with the pupils, 12 weeks, which somehow brings so much mix feelings inside. For the time left, I wish nothing but for us to learn and discover things together as well as to have some good, meaningful and lasting memories. 

Best wishes go to all of my seniors for their posting and juniors for their first day of first phase of teaching practice tomorrow! 

a MUST

I miss those time when I just have to lie down comfortably with nothing to worry, when I just have to sit and let my mind articulates the words written on every page of my favourite novel, when I just let my eyes wonder around and enjoy every scenery around, when I just have to breath in and out. It is not that I am not going to have those moments like forever, but it is just not now. Sometimes, I was rushing on things, my mind can't just stop admiring those piles of loads, dashing here and there, indulging into so much works that in between I lost myself. But that is how reality goes. This is just a phase in life, maybe on the next phase I might get drawn into everything. Yeah, I should comfort my thought that life is a sweet rose and I have to enjoy everything in between. Yet, I should not do so if it is not really so. That sometimes it is okay to see everything is breaking and none is making sense. But to be grateful and appreciative in the midst of chaos, though that may sound totally challenging and impossible to do, is a MUST. Dear heart, let us survive this. One day, we'll be the unbreakable one.

Feel like a poet

Time seems to flow so fast in this practicum season. Days could be like repetitive chores. Sometimes it goes so well that my heart is full of joy. But there are times when I just feel like hiding under the pillow forever. The mental struggles get tough every day. Trying my best to cope in all the situations, stop where I should, hold on if I have to. 

Reminding myself that this is a crucial stage, not to give my heart up at all though the bullets just seem not to stop showering down. It is the final sprint for most of us but that does not mean that the finishing line is the only sole target. But in between, treasure the moments with those people who are running with you and those audiences who are cheering for you. It is amazing how little situation in life, depict the real scenario in life. Running does not exist physically during the sport day but emotionally and mentally in life's sprint. I hope everyone is doing great in all the things they are pursuing into. 

At time, when the heart feels like giving up and losing hope, remind the soul to take one step back and rest a little. Build the energy and courage to step forward again. Life is not a running track but a beautiful path to be enjoyed and savoured, that in each little step there are moments to be remembered,  there are memories that are to be treasured for a lifetime.

*The day when I feel like a poet and decide to look life in a figurative side. 

Two Hearts

1/3 of the final phase!

Finally, I have made it to 1 month, which left 2/3 journey. 

Yes, there were days when things get so challenging, not just on the unending workloads every night but attending all the words poured in the classroom. It is a great challenge to listen to all the pupils' requests at one time. I wish I could just attend one person or few souls at a time, but no, I have 38-40 pair of eyes to look after in the class, not to mention things outside of the classroom. Though it is just like one hour per day, but still it is not an ABC task. Yet, looking on the positive sides of everything, it always motivates my heart to see their spontaneous and pure acts. It wipes away all the tiredness and moans inside. For the two months journey left, I hope that I could leave something that is not just meaningful for their learning but also lasting for their souls. 

It really amazed me to see how those teachers stand firmly at the teaching line for so many years. Their souls must be the 'unbreakable' ones after all those times and I hope I could be like one someday.

"Teaching is a service to God. We may not save lives, but we save a generation."

DWAYG Season 1

Finally, the first season of Appa Odiga has ended. Tons of memories made between the father and the child. 55 episode all together. This show does not only highlight the journey travelled together but also the relationship between the dads and children that grow along the way. The playful and cheerful nature of the children always entertain the heart. At some points, there are honest inner voices portray by them which shed some tears. I hope the next season will carry the same positive vibes as what the first season had reflected. Appa Odiga daebak! ;)

My Prayer

"Father, I said till
Death do us part
I want to mean it
With all of my heart
Help me to love you
More than I love him
Then I know I can
Love him more
Than anyone else

And bring him in
Your presence today
Make him what
You want him to be

This is my prayer Amen"

The Art of Therapeutic

I had never realised that the therapy session could be a powerful medium of expression. For the last two days, we had been experiencing different types of therapy and even soaked into tears. The first session conducted was the Art Therapy. I did not intend to draw and colour things up to highlight some  of the events in my life. However, it was done unconsciously. There are lots of underlying messages behind the drawing even on the slight details. Though the interpretations could be a subjective one, but they are all closely related to my life. For the next four therapies, they were centred around different themes but related to each other: self, family and friends. They were not just conducted for us to understand the whole process, as the skills are useful in the teaching world, but also give us opportunity to express our inner feelings and emotions. It touches down to our souls.  

The sessions held also triggered us to do something that we seldom do especially in expressing love towards the people close to us. For sure, love could be express in different ways. But sometimes, it needs a kind of affirmation. It is easy to say 'I love you' to the person we love or our friends, but it will be awkward to say so with our parents especially when it is never practised at all in the family itself. I took the opportunity to do so, and it was kind of funny that my mother started to ask lots of questions, to ensure that I am okay or not. Don't worry mum, your daughter is super fine! ;)

19 January

As I don't have any exact topic to focus on, lets just hope '19 January' gets enough vibe to capture the readers' heart ;)

Long list of tasks to be completed for the final, but the enthusiasm level is inconsistent in nature! Okay, I've just realised that I've been a loyal essay writer these days and even submitted some to others. OMO. So for this time, just a brief shout out: I'm having my final teaching practice in one week time! Three months all together. Two supportive and encouraging lecturers plus two mentors from the school will observe me for this phase. One of the lecturers will be supervising my Action Research progress. I hope the consultancy process will be a smooth one and  promise to embrace the learning process! Tons of opportunities for learning are lying on the ground too, I shall take a brave step to at least go for one of them.  

Currently, I'm so into a Korean variety show, Appa Odiga, but still I am a loyal fan to Running Man! Maybe I have this strong chemistry of seeing those kids, innocent, pure and adorable! Will write some reviews on that show soon. By the way, my favourite is Yoon Hoo and his father, Min Soo! If I am to write why, then it will take an essay, thus I shall stop then on that part.

Starting the year with one big mission: trying my best to get a healthier lifestyle. Drink at least 2 litre of water each day. Jog at least 3 times a week. Sleep at least 6 hours per night. Less sugar, no Maggie (new resolution!), fruity and vege diet. Be more productive. Okay, too many on the list, but if one really wants something it is not wrong to put efforts on it, working at his/her own pace. Let see where the efforts will bring me!

I'm thinking of getting my hair cut to shoulder length, as I don't have any version of that hair in my college life. Who knows, it will be an eye candy vibe to everyone, just like Ji Hyo. Plus, it will save more time on getting ready for the class. I need to get my heart decisive to have a go on it!

Be strong, be bold

2013, it is a year when I started to do lots of reflections on my own, and with others. Talked with friends how the life transits, how the future gonna be, how a new circle of network is formed, how certain occurrence affects the way we perceive things, how memories from the past burst out laughters or shed  tears. Met new people and made friends. Stepped on foreign land and learn the cultures there. Know how the life transits in other places. Get into nerve-wreaking situations. Almost drawn myself. Thought of giving up when failures knock me down. Challenge myself to do things that I never try. Sat beside strangers and commenced random conversation. Made up tough decisions. Found the mate of my soul. Survived the miles.  And in everything, contemplating on lots of things.

One thing that might highlight the year is the reflection on human relationship. It is not a core subject learnt, but a major taught by Life. Sometimes, relationship gets so complicated. I couldn't understand it either even until now. Rejection and acceptance. Everyone has their on way of perceiving things, that what one said may be interpreted differently by others. To mouth out something is not to proclaim how 'right' one is and I didn't wish for everyone to follow my lead too. Any relationship, there are always challenges that come through it. It depends on each individual how to walk through it. And this major, it will take me a lifetime to understand it as I will meet more people and blend into new circumstances ahead.

Sometimes I'm wandering, what is it really to live a life? To be educated, to be famous, to get the top of everything, to travel everywhere, to make more friends, to sit and observe others, to establish in career, to start a family, to challenge self,  to eat, to attend events and the lists go on. Is it really necessary for one to be fully accepted by everyone, to change self just to fit in with others. Is it right to agree upon everything we hear, see and  read. Something that I couldn't understand either. It thirsts my soul to constantly seeking for the answer by seeing others, going places, witness events.

2014, I will learn to be bold; not afraid of taking risk and making decision. Learning that not everyone will put up hand for you and that is okay. Knowing that some hearts may get annoy just because you do things differently. Understanding that there might be unexpected things bloomed no matter how wise the decision made. Keeping self low, no matter where the grounds will be. Ready to always learn from others, because there are times that you will feel rejections and have to put on that sour face. And that is okay to portray such emotion as that is normal in human nature. Bearing in mind that there will always others who will judge the way you bring yourself and just let them be, because I hold no power to stop them, but to control the way I react and look into it positively. Though to be positive is just so difficult when everything seems to pull you down. But that is part of the learning process.

I guess this year will be lots of mental struggle, not just on the workloads but the relationship with others, the situations faced and the circumstances around. No matter what, dear heart be strong, be bold.

New term with new terms

Attending lectures for just few sessions in these few days bombed me with lots of new terms. Last time, we use to just do thing with the structure given, looking for information, trying to rephrasing in the most simplest manner, and presenting those idea for everyone to digest. But in this new term, you gotta use the mind productively. Deep thinking, deep research. Loading more input for your world, eyes, experiences. Taking into consideration of so many viewpoints, making justifications to which extend to agree and disagree. Weighing things out, digesting and absorbing all the abstract assumptions. Learning that there is no right or wrong ones, just how logic or creative you are in putting things together. Honestly, it was a kind of 'shock' to the mind. 

Though it feels like burdening the thought with so much new terms, but still I'm falling in deep love for the subjects. Very interesting, eye opening, insightful and of course inspiring for the heart and soul. After all those years, I am here, interpreting and analysing words NOT numbers. Dealing with language was one of the hardest things that my mind had once experienced, but now I am slowly adapting to it. Which make sense of the the notion that was exposed today: we couldn't be focussing on building up the strengths only, but also to look into what is deficient and find ways to improve it. Trying to strike balance in everything. Not intend to be a perfect one, but to learn, grow, develop as much as we could in every aspect. That could be one of the strong justifications of why I am walking down the path. 

With this new term, I hope I could get myself blend with the new terms too! 

2014 updates!

Hi!

So here I am again, doodling and rambling on things. I am back to IPG and you gotta believe it that this is my  final year! Finally, after all the sweats and inks poured, I am here standing as a final year student! 

Again, I haven't been writing so much about the holiday, the must tell Christmas story, the New Year celebration and of course the resolutions! As everyone ages up, the way they look, perceive and idealise on things change from time to time. That once, wishing everyone on a festive day through text message is a norm, but in the era of Facebook, tagging will spread the wish much more easier. The same go to other things. The way of how we carry things out will be different from year to year, and it is okay to be that. Won't it be good for everyone to change for the better version of themselves? In short, I just want this year to be a productive one, giving the best in everything that I am venturing into, and discover as much as I can even if the road is paved in such that it brings the heart pounding feeling of riding on the coaster. 

I have change the URL of my blog, which is now officially become - frecyllamay.blogspot.com., the title to 'Blessings in my Life' and the most obvious is my header photo. 10 pictures of my edited-own-self that depict the life I am in, though they are not able to precisely describe every single detail about me, but it gives you some idea on who I am. Again, my smiles, those symbolise the virtual greetings for you from me! Every change is to get the site more into personal look of me. This year, I promise to blog more!

Talking about this semester, we only have two subjects and 3 months of standing in front of 30-40 pairs of eyes moments. One of the subjects will be on Action Research, major paper. Honestly, I am curious and scared at the same time of imagining how would the sail be. I hope I could get the right direction of which way to head. Only two subjects? Yup, I have ample of time to have fun, being lazy and a loyal sleepy head! Still, I will force myself to be a productive soul. 

In 3 weeks time will be my third teaching practice, 3 months! This time, I hope that I could elicit and deliver as much as I could. Even though still standing at the inexperience level, but I will try my best to build great rapport with the kids as well as providing opportunities for them discover their own potentials and at the same time trigger their self-learning and self-discovering sides. I know that sounds so much of ambitious, heavy and what the what? Pointing this out is not just merely constructed sentence or disseminating some kind of educational philosophies. But something that come from inside, to realise that the joy of teaching do not come from the grade you get from the mentors, or the praises of how well you did in front of the class but the small little matters that come from the pupils. The joy that they experience from learning, the happiness portray when they are able to do something, the smiles of getting their efforts praised and so on. For this phase, I will give myself as much chance to learn and discover the 'pearl' of teaching too.

In 2014, I get to read and know that most of us want something new, something better and something great for our life. More happiness, lively life, great health, success, wealth and the lists go on. In my own age group, some have started to settle down with career. I love knowing about their stories of working life and actually couldn't wait from my turn too! I believe that everyone has special part and role in building the nation. No matter which profession you are, you could make a difference, carry impact and get people inspired!

Again, before the speech ends, I am not in favour for the road to be easy or sweet all the times. Let it be a challenging one, for I know that He is always in control of things, through the uncertainty and unpredictable journey. It is not just to feel thankful and blessed for the good times but to have faith that during the tough time, He wants us there for purposes and reasons. 

Lastly, I hope and wish everyone to have another great year!