Those anticipated moments

When I was in my primary and secondary schools, I was in blue sports team. I guess, that was a kind of sign for the things that is happening now. Teaching year 4 Tun Hussein, who are in the blue sport team too, sparks an unforgettable experience that touches the deepest part of the soul.  

One of the most anticipated things in school is my pupils, or better pronounce as my former pupils. I just don't know why I always have this strong feeling inside towards them. Perhaps, those three months together engraved so much memories. I won't deny it that there were days when things were so bitter that I couldn't hold my tears any more, if I could, I would want to just get over with everything that moment, but my heart doesn't want to give them up. I remember some of the first moments together which was on the 'Sorry Party'. I am totally in awe of how they managed to get it done. That was the first time when I failed to hold on myself that I just burst out of the class when the lesson ended and didn't talk to any of them. I knew that was so immature sulking act ever. But things were directed in the other way around and it touched my heart a lot. They came out with a plan to throw a party for me. They even had the floor plan which was photocopied for all the class members. They collected money and bought boxes of KFC. They made a banner, arranged themselves in rows, asked me to stand outside of the class and waited for the surprises behind the door and all sorts of things to ensure the party will be a success. That day, I was speechless, feel awkward, and in total awe. And that was the day when I just feel that they are more than the special ones for me. I might not talk or close to all of them, but I am assure that we have that strong feeling inside. Every now and then, they always brighten the days especially in this toughest month and those coming ones. I guess all of us, the final semester trainees will have that feeling of being overloaded inside. But just a simple greeting and smile from the young ones, it breaks through everything. And I couldn't deny that I miss them all a little bit more each day.

For the 3 weeks left with them, I just want to treasure and cherish everything. They will always be the special ones in my heart for when I look back at our memories, my heart smiles. 

A world to run

I know that title is a bit ambitious, or should I said it too much? A lady like me to run a world? Impossible? But let make it possible! As everyone has the chance to make differences, why don't start a little thing which in turn could spread a great rippled effect around, and even to the world! okay, I shall stop that philosophical doses!

Almost two weeks off for holiday and it feels awesome! So much things happened and so much stories need to be written out. Perhaps, I shall work as a typewriter this holiday, should I? Okay, get things direct to the point. I know it is still not yet the end of year, but still let gets some things summarised;

2013: Two semesters done: 5th and 6th. Rooster. Class Retreat. Teaching Practice 1. Exam. Mid-Sem breaks. Miri Dancing. BCF Dancing. Teaching Practice 2. The Journey 2.0 Camp. BTN Course. Singapore Trip. Musical Night. Annual Dinner.  Exam. HOLIDAY. KL-Malacca Trip! 

Oh, I feel like I had won the World Championship Award! Did I? Yes, in my own midsummer dream! But yes, that feeling of being satisfied is totally there. At least, there are so much moments treasured in between despite of all the hectic schedules, mixed-up-down-feelings. Opps, sorry for marking myself as the 'most busiest person in the world', don't worry everyone deserves the title too. And I am still young, I shall embrace the joy of being young adult and channelling all the energy into the positive entertaining vibes around!

Plan for holiday: most of the time spending time with my families and act like a boss, but no bossing around! Cause this might be the last-relaxing holiday I have as years to come I might be drowning myself to other things, venturing to more challenging life getaway or perhaps grooming newly found hobbies! Still, I do need to be more productive this holiday, not just for the sake that next year will be the final but for the long haul! 

Dear May, get up, you got a world to run for! ;)

Miles Apart

I never thought that my days in SMESH will be filled with wonderful memories which is a lifetime lasting. Not just about the memories, but the people I met, knew and connect with! Being together, as a group, or perhaps like a 'gang' has no intention to create any gang-up culture. Yet, the friendship among the 11 of us is unconsciously built but intended by Him. He has reasons for putting each of us on the line, regardless of the time of meeting. And yes, so much cherish-able memories created in those years until this moment.

 4th - 7th Nov 2007 marks the first trip we made through together (excluding Jenny and Nancy). It has been 6 years since then. I miss those moment! Honesty, I have no idea that I am going to meet such wonderful company which are more than friends, they are like sisters! I miss those days spent together, telling dramatic stories, laughing, shedding tears, eating, singing, dancing, portraying some so-called-teens-crimes and the lists go endlessly. I couldn't write everything descriptively because it will take forever. High school days, they always remain me of good old times, memories created that are imperishable. 

Though we are now stepping on different ground, get rarely in contact or meet, but still the bond is strong, so strong! And sometimes, I thought that we could read each others' minds that at the point of breaking, some of them will show up at that exact moment. God must have created us in such away that even we are miles away, we are inseparable and unbreakable. It is not just about being understanding or accepting each other flaws but more than that. Most of the time, it is putting up with each other, the good and the bad, the right and the wrong, the best and the worst. Yet, just because we look perfect together doesn't mean we never experienced conflicts, we did and so many of them. But the blessings that come together with the friendship are strong enough to win against the all odds.

Though we are miles apart, but we are close at heart. On one fine day, we shall get together and drunken ourselves with the best friendship's toasts ever!

Kiroro : Mirai E

hora ashimoto wo mitegoran 

kore ga anata no ayumu michi 

hora mae wo mitegoran 

are ga anata no mirai

haha ga kureta 

takusan no yasashisa 

ai wo idaite ayume to kurikaeshita 

ano toki wa mada osanakute 

imi nado shiranai 

sonna watashi no te wo nigiri 

issho ni ayundekita

yume wa itsumo 

sora takaku aru kara 

todokanakute kowai ne 

dakedo oitsuzukeru no

jibun no sutoori dakara koso 

akirametakunai 

fuan ni naru to te wo nigiri 

issho ni ayundekita

sono yasashisa wo toki ni wa iyagari 

hanareta haha e sunao ni narezu 

hora ashimoto wo mitegoran 

kore ga anata no ayumu michi 

hora mae wo mitegoran 

are ga anata no mirai

mirai e mukatte 

yukkuri to aruite yukoo

slowly towards the future let’s walk

The song that always brings the memories back to Moral class with Sensei, 2004. It has almost been 10 years, yet everything is still fresh in mind.

'Have Faith'

One of my nurtured habits since I was a little girl is keeping a record, or maybe it is better pronounce as a 'diary' kind of things. From the previous post I had written years back, I started to keep the 'diary' when  I was in primary 5, which I guess most girls did too. When I entered SMESH, those habits became less day by day, means not a kind of everyday routine any more. But one thing I love to do is making cards for birthdays or friendship days or anything that similar to it. I guess I made a lot of them and received a lot too! I did also become so loyal writer of those received text messages! Everything is well kept until now. When I entered IPG, I am not really into those stuffs anymore, perhaps maybe because getting too much connected with everyone through Facebook and Twitter. Blog is the only place where some memories are recorded down and that is one of the reasons why I am still active with blogging, not just to pour the emotions out but also as a form of so called 'digital diary'. Yet, I always tell myself that 'thou shall not share everything with the world, there are some things that should be kept inside until the right time comes or perhaps just specifically known by some close souls'. The theme in writing varies through the years. Some might be on memories, plain posts, greetings, wishes, or perhaps the unstable emotions portrays on certain life events! 

Reading back everything always shower me with good memories. Just like listening to old songs which always makes the heart warms with smiles and laughters! It makes me to see how the life is transiting, so fast at times! Some days in the past, I never thought that I may end on some positions on this time of life. A little girl who sat at the back of the class who never had any idea that she will be wearing a pair of spectacles someday. A little girl who used to run freely down the road with childhood friends who never had any idea that someday she will be confining herself with more wonderful and amazing friends! A little girl who was paying attention to the teacher in front who never had any idea that someday she will be the one who is standing in front. Indeed, life is just so great!

Yet, doesn't mean that everything looks great depict that I never gone to any bitter situation. I have been there, many times, and I believe that everyone has their meltdown points too. But most importantly, we survive from it. Even though some things will just never be understood why it happened on the very first place because they are just not meant to be understood at all. Perhaps, unconsciously, the impacts of those non-understood kind of situation is for the souls around us, and God is using us to complete the circumstances. There were days when everything was just so wrong. Yet, I come to believe that there are experiences that God wants me to have to prepare me for the future that He holds for me. 

Through years, one big lesson that I have come to realise is to learn to have faith, even on the slightest things or when there seems just no way out to be found. Yes, there are days when I have forgotten why I have to stand here, why some things just don't happen the way I plan and why it is me. By reaching out for others, it always makes me ease. Reaching out not just in the form of saying things directly or being comforted on shoulder, but by just reading some words written or stepping out of the door and seeing the life of others. To learn to have faith is a process itself, some days we might fail to do it but never lose hope. Yes, saying 'have faith' to others is a kind of clinches because the phrase is not deeply live. To have faith come from one's experiences, it is a long process and the self needs to define it on their owns. 

I miss them a lot :')

pagiku cerahku,matahari bersinar
kugendong tas merah ku di pundak
slamat pagi smua ku natikan dirimu
didepan kls mu menantikan kami

guruku tersayang guruku tercinta
tanpamu apa jadiny aku
tak bisa baca tulis mengerti banyak hal
guruku terima kasih ku

nyatanya diriku kadang buat mu marah
namun segala maaf kau berikan

slamat pagi smua ku natikan dirimu
didepan kelas mu menantikan kami

guruku tersayang guruku tercinta
tanpamu apa jadiny aku
tak bisa baca tulis mengerti banyak hal
guruku terima kasih ku

nyata diriku kadang buat mu marah
namun sgala maaf kau berikan

guruku tersayang guruku tercinta
tanpamu apa jadiny aku
tak bisa baca tulis mengerti banyak hal
guruku terima kasih ku

Listening to this song and thinking that there will be no more saying 'Good morning boys and girls' tomorrow saddened me a lot. On the last day, i purposely did not want any of my pupils to cry because with all my heart i could not stand it too if it really happens. I will be in tear too. I tried my best to handle that feeling, to hide the sadness of separation behind those smiles. At one point, i just feel so emotional inside when everyone was looking at me while i was giving my 'last' advices. Of course, it is not that we are not going to meet again like forever. But somehow, between those four weeks of practicum it has formed some kind of strong emotional attachment between me and them. Plus, they are the first group of pupils i am teaching and that what makes them so special to me. There were days when i can't stand their behaviours and i scolded as well as shouted to them. With all my heart, i was so guilty after that. But that is part of the learning process for me. I should handle by emotion carefully. Despite of all the challenges, the ups and downs, the laughs burst, the awkwardness sparked, the happiness shared, i do miss them a lot. I hope they will grow not only in their knowledge but also in their personality and life as whole.

4C & 5A, SK Tabuan, you will be miss :')

Graduation Day

I have had my graduation day for two times already. The first one was on my kindergarten day! And the second one was on my final year in SMESH! 

It was such a great feeling wearing the graduation robe with friends around who had been with you through the sweet and sour of five years studying. Browsing through the pictures makes me to miss the good old days, don't you too pals? 

In God's will, i will be having my third graduation in two years time. May God bless my journey and all my friends too. All the best to everyone!

Viber with Allyn

We had just spent more than an hour viber-ing each other. Oh my, i really miss the story time we used to have. Recalling back all the sweet memories in high school as well as updating each other on things that are going on in our life. We laughed so loud just like the old times! Dear Rossa Allyn, do take a good care of yourself there. Miss you so much! Will viber you again some other days!

OMO !

Okay, this is so funny! I had just rummaged all my old stuffs which i had kept since high school days. 

Then i found a white envelope entitled 'all the novels'. O dear, i was really a so-loyal-malay-novel-writer back then. I had written few versions of stories where some of the characters are really familiar to my real life. They featured some of the people in my life which makes me to keep these collections for my own reading only! But nothing to worry, they are created based on my imagination and fully original ! It was really funny! Omo ! How could i be so creative and dramatic back then !

Another thing was that i found bunch of books where all the messages, received calls, missed calls and even the dialled ones were written down or maybe the better term is 'recorded down'. Omo ! That was extremely funny ! Everything was recorded, like every single detail. I just can't imagine how i had been so hardworking back then to write everything down. It was all from 2006 - may 2009. So those who had contacted me back then should know that i had all your names written down. Actually i was not even aware what is the purpose of that, but maybe because my 'inbox' was not able to keep all the messages so i had decided to write it down. Now, i am able to recall back some of the people whom i used to be so closed too. But it was really nice, a good feeling indeed to read them back. It is like reminiscing all the sweet and sour memories.

Everything that was written was like a chapter of memories. There were some messages about us trying to sort out things during the taking of PMR & SPM results. Then after that result taking, we texted each other about who got what with some congratulating wishes tagged along. That was really awesome! Then, some texts were about working things out on meeting each other for outings. Some were on heart-to-heart stories. Some were good morning and night wishes !

It also made me to recall back one of the panic moments back to the end of December 2008. I was on the way back from the carolling which ended around 12am and it was really scared to stay alone in a car with the unknown driver, travelling along the almost lonely road. So i texted and called few of my friends. Can't believe i was crying that time and cva was on the phone to comfort me along the way. Yes, i was really really scared ! Luckily nothing bad happened and i arrived home safely with some scolded-worrying advices from some friends. I still kept all the messages ! I am really thankful for those hearts who pray and comfort me. It was one of the most unforgettable moments.

I think sending wishes through messaging was really favoured back then. Birthday, New Year, Christmas, Eid Day and even Exam wishes were never forgotten. Reading back everything also makes me to recall how we used to appreciate the 1 cent texting which was from 12am-6am which was for celcom users only. So we were very active messaging everyone at these hours during the holiday of course as handphone was not permitted in the school. 

Now, i have retired from all the writing stuffs unless the importance ones. But i still have this habit of keeping messages in my phone and the oldest text was from Iga (10:54pm, 12 April 2009) followed by some of the chosen ones, especially those that are motivating as well as wishes for birthday and celebrations. I know that it was really 'traditional' me back then. I love to keep all the records. Maybe it is nothing for some, but me it helps me to remember moments. I even have two boxes of gifts, cards and those associated to memories.  Yeah, we won't live forever, but somewhere along the lines of breathing, those things will help you to remember moments!

P.S. And also now, i know whose hearts i had crush on back then and the other way around! OMO!

I miss it!

I read my old FB status and it reminds me about the old days ~ how i miss it !

I realise that it was until the earlier 2011 year that i had been actively in contact with my friends and after that i didn't know what happened. Seems like a line had stopped there. Maybe it was my fault that i was not that so active to be in touch with everyone. Or is it because everyone is growing, and the distance grow apart too. Frankly, I never want that friendship circle to break. Even though everything has changed but i believe our friendship promise is tightly held. 

Everyone is widely spread around the world. Committed to study and building up future. It feels like just yesterday i was sitting in a class and learning all the mathematics formula, reading literature and writing essay with everyone. The next day could be one of the biggest days in our life ~ graduation, first day of working, enjoying our salary and getting married with someone special. The life transition is faster than i thought. Everyone is catching up with their own life. It is like entering a new stage of life. Before we were to deal with school, friends, homework and so on. Now, more to graduating, having a stable career & financial and looking for life lover. Looks like some has found their partners and gotten into serious relationship. So, don't forget to save one invitation card for me.Whatever is it, i wish that everyone is doing great with their life.

Dear Smeshians 0408 ~ i miss you all, sorry for not being in contact always, lets meet again in the future.

Down the memory lane

After having several times talking through skype and YM with my friends, I started to think back my days in SMESH. I miss having all my friends around.

Memories of KUDRAT

Theatre Competition 2011

Miri, Sarawak