Turning point; graduation & work

It had been months away from the first day I have officially teaching and graduated! Leaving me with three weeks of settling the last phase for this year of schooling. It has been a great turning point for me.

Graduation. From the bottom of my heart, I really wish to go for another one. Because things really didn't fall to it place that day. It was too crowded, too rushing. But no worry, it was an experience. Perhaps, going for another one in few years to come!

At the very beginning, I was supposed to be posted to a school in an island but due to some reasons I have been assigned to a new school. And I love everything about the school! It takes me 3-4 hours drive to reach the school. For family, I wouldn't mind to spend 7-8 hours on the road unless there are extra works to be done on weekends. The pupils, colleagues, staffs and even parents have been very supportive and happening! Though I have 31 periods per week plus some sides administrative works, still it didn't burn me out. Perhaps, some times. But I take it as a training and challenge to get me through the rest of my years in teaching. Sometimes, I just love spending the weekends here, away from the city and crowds!

This is just a year of introduction. A year to enrich myself with new skills, build networks and keep on adapting. Gonna step on more stones on the coming years!

Hello!

It has been a while or better pronounce it a long kind of while being away from this site. Life is moving to the right direction as what it has been planned at the very beginning. Finished college, graduated and now proudly announcing that I am finally a working young adult! But still the rolling didn't go anywhere. The path is still full of ups and downs. Sometimes, as always, life is phasing to fast! At the blinks of eyes, I am here!

Here. Standing on this ground. Looking at thousands pairs of eyes which are filled with unspeakable dreams and hopes for what coming next. Yes, at some points, that feeling of frustrating and tiring always comes for visits, staying for days or more.

But fate is for real. There are thousands of unveiled reasons why it has to be here.

For at the very beginning, my thought was charmed to the fact that one who is moulded since young to run will easily learn to swim when he is thrown to the sea. Sadly, it was a wrong turn. Struggles, hard work, perseverance.

But amazingly, after all, it is good to listen when some of the young souls never fail to make you believe that you are there for reason. Reasons.

'Kalau Cikgu tidak jadi Cikgu, tidak lah Cikgu jumpa kami. Nasib Cikgu jadi Cikgu'

For now, good is enough. :')

The day

There is a day when it gets just so tiring of repeating the same things over and over again. The day when it gets too much that it doesn't give out any feeling anymore. For the time being, let just treasure the best we could. Dear young hearts, you'll always the special ones. I don't want to just get through the day. But I would want us to make the best out of each moment. And I know, it is a cyclic feeling. They will come and go but the moments and memories will stay forever.

Those anticipated moments

When I was in my primary and secondary schools, I was in blue sports team. I guess, that was a kind of sign for the things that is happening now. Teaching year 4 Tun Hussein, who are in the blue sport team too, sparks an unforgettable experience that touches the deepest part of the soul.  

One of the most anticipated things in school is my pupils, or better pronounce as my former pupils. I just don't know why I always have this strong feeling inside towards them. Perhaps, those three months together engraved so much memories. I won't deny it that there were days when things were so bitter that I couldn't hold my tears any more, if I could, I would want to just get over with everything that moment, but my heart doesn't want to give them up. I remember some of the first moments together which was on the 'Sorry Party'. I am totally in awe of how they managed to get it done. That was the first time when I failed to hold on myself that I just burst out of the class when the lesson ended and didn't talk to any of them. I knew that was so immature sulking act ever. But things were directed in the other way around and it touched my heart a lot. They came out with a plan to throw a party for me. They even had the floor plan which was photocopied for all the class members. They collected money and bought boxes of KFC. They made a banner, arranged themselves in rows, asked me to stand outside of the class and waited for the surprises behind the door and all sorts of things to ensure the party will be a success. That day, I was speechless, feel awkward, and in total awe. And that was the day when I just feel that they are more than the special ones for me. I might not talk or close to all of them, but I am assure that we have that strong feeling inside. Every now and then, they always brighten the days especially in this toughest month and those coming ones. I guess all of us, the final semester trainees will have that feeling of being overloaded inside. But just a simple greeting and smile from the young ones, it breaks through everything. And I couldn't deny that I miss them all a little bit more each day.

For the 3 weeks left with them, I just want to treasure and cherish everything. They will always be the special ones in my heart for when I look back at our memories, my heart smiles. 

Hi!

It has been a while since I have been an active blogger. Perhaps, I have been hibernated from blogging for some time and it seems that I couldn't really get everything updated. Well, this will be quite a long post of how life has been so far. 

I will be starting my final semester in few days for my degree year. Oh dear, I didn't really realise how time flies so fast. On the first day of receiving the offer itself, I don't have that clear idea of how the 5 and the half years are going to turn into. But this is it. 5 years and it passed just like that. Perhaps, it may not turn into what my heart wishes the most, but it is what God has in store for me. For that is the one sole reason that keep me going up to now. At some points, I am fully amazed of how things work on and never thought that I am going to end to some positions in life. Some are just heartbreaking, yes it was. Some are just unbearable, but God makes it bearable for me. Looking into everything, I am in awe. So here it goes, the 5 and the half journey has almost come to an end. I hope nothing but to cherish ever moment. 

Student life has been great and yes I am going to miss it so much later. But there is always a little wish inside me of wanting to go through a Uni life as life in IPG now is almost like the normal school life, even we got the same holiday terms scheduled. Perhaps, one day I will go for it. Next year if everything goes according to plan, I will be teaching in my own school. How does it feel? Of course I'm fully excited! I don't know why some just have this misconception about teaching profession for the obvious bonus we got; high pay and long holiday. Yes, that is rewarding enough for a young adult who has just started his/her career. But I am sure that each soul called teacher always has that fulfilment seeing the pupils succeed in everything they do, not just being intellectually competence but develop positively in their personality, talents and other soft skills. To make every young ones to realise their potential and soar higher. I always have that feeling every time when I walk and wonder down the street, that how am I going to fit each and everyone of my pupil in this society, how much impacts could I give to them so that they know their roles in the community. As the impacts that I carry to them could save their whole life or put them into stake. But not all days are going good either, at some points I may find myself mourning inside for the failures caused to the little ones. That's is life. Up and down.

Holiday has been so full though there were times when I found myself doing nothing. But being surrounded by the homey environment, it makes the heart feels good. Good is enough. Yet, there are times when I just feel insecure here. I don't know why but I just don't feel safe at time especially on the raising unwanted cases recently. Need to keep myself alert all the times. I have been going out a lot too, hanging around with friends and of course playing around with cousins, and the highlight; I cut my hair short and this time I just don't regret it at all, but not sure later. Well yes, I really have to cut it short for the weather here is just intolerable. At a point I thought I was sick for sweating so much though the fan is fully functioning, but I was wrong for my aunts told the same thing too. Okay, I am just a normal one. 

Perhaps, I won't be able to record every little things going on in life for the time being. Life next semester will be very busy. I have decided to go for things that I never try before and challenge myself to where I am able to soar. If I fail, it is still good because I know the process itself is rewarding. At least I try. And if there are days when I just feel so drain inside I will challenge myself to at least smile knowing that life is good. I will fully embrace the experience and the learning process and give my best in everything. So challenge accepted, lets do this! ;)

Lastly, I hope that I won't be forgetting the on basic things even if life is drowning me away. Dear people, lets remind each other. Smile and enjoy the ride!

YEAR 4 TUN HUSSEIN, SK GREEN ROAD KUCHING 2014

Will be missing each and everyone of you :'(

1 Month left

1 month left and that's it. The same routine will begin soon in few hours. So much mix feeling inside. Trying to comfort my heart between all those thoughts. Holiday had been great but it seems that time is flying so fast this time or isn't that what is happening all these time. Despite of that, I am glad to have a little break in between. So, here it is. Four weeks left. This will be the last teaching phase for me before stepping into the real world of teaching. And this is also the longest time spent with the pupils, 12 weeks, which somehow brings so much mix feelings inside. For the time left, I wish nothing but for us to learn and discover things together as well as to have some good, meaningful and lasting memories. 

Best wishes go to all of my seniors for their posting and juniors for their first day of first phase of teaching practice tomorrow! 

3 weeks: 2nd phase of practicum

Three weeks of second phase of practicum had just ended. This time, I feel that time is flying faster than the first phase and yes I am enjoying every single moment of it. Even though with the lack of sleeping hours and too much head-cracked times trying to plan and design the lesson, but it always warm my heart seeing the joy come those young souls. I may be still at the inexperience level of teaching but I am learning to build myself as well as to find the pleasure in teaching. This time the challenges and environment are so much different than the previous one. To tackle the heart of 38 souls at a time is not easy at all. Literally, teaching seem to be easy viewing it from the point of the audience's eyes or perhaps recalling the memories back to school days. Seeing how a teacher delivers a lesson in front with talking and instructing the pupils to complete the tasks is a kind of ABC thing. But the truth, you will never imagine how difficult it is. In fact, I believe that every profession has their own struggles and walking down the path of teaching making me to see the reality of it much more deeper. Some days, it could be frustrated. Not just because of questioning the capability in teaching but also seeing the unbearable impacts glued on some hearts of learning the wrong things or perhaps just can't digest any single word uttered. Yet some days, I just can't take it not to laugh seeing the honesty portrayed, high level of energy demonstrated and playful words said by those young souls. 

Children; regardless of where they are from, they are just being them, unique and adorable in their own special ways. 

Two weeks off from practicum, I should spend some times to look for more interesting and captivating teaching ideas. For now, have your breaks pupils and see you all after the holidays, take care!

Challenge accepted!

To teach and to inspire are not easy. It needs to be learnt and I am in the process of learning them. Had my first day of practicum phase 2 today at SK Satria Jaya. Will be taking Year 2 Zamrud English KSSR class, 38 mixed ability pupils. The situation is different from my previous practicum. But whatever it is, challenge accepted! 

All the best everyone.

Happy Anniversary!

13 July 2009, I met 13 unfamiliar faces and a lady who is my roomate since then! We attended our first lecture together as the smallest group in the IPG, 15 trainees. The group was completed with the coming of the two ladies on the 10th of August. Today, it has been 4 years of us walking down the path together. Used to be the smallest group for years and the most multi-ethnics group in the whole college. Though we are small in number but I am proud to have such wonderful, full of talents and great course mates. Each of us, being hand-selectively, has our own niches in different fields and the what make us Awesome! I am so thankful to have such great lecturers who constantly inspiring and encouraging us to soar high; to discover and maximise our potentials and that is what we are going to aim for in the career we are to be someday. Not just to learn and teach but to inspire the heart of the young generations. Dear TESL mates, I am glad to have each of you and thank you for being part of the 'Time of my Life'. 

Happy Anniversary to all PISMP January 2011 teacher trainees all around Malaysia!

Hi !

Hi, it has been a while! 

I guess I have been too much travelling these few weeks! Going here and there, just like a tour all around Sarawak, but a free one! And yes, I have been to almost all the main cities in Sarawak! It is not just about dancing, travelling or sitting in the bus for hours but those highlighted moments spent with the wonderful company who hyper-actively cracking jokes all the way, meeting new people and creating memories! Those things are the ones that making this journey worth.

And as usual, I had been pampering my stomach with foods! Trying to soak all the sweet and sour delicacies of Sarawak. So for the coming days/weeks/months, I need to put on a strict & healthy diet!

Practicum 2 is coming soon too! It is kind of nerve-racking but I guess it will be an exciting one! I wonder how would my pupils be this time. Whatever it is, let have fun learning together! But yes, I need to prepare myself mentally, emotionally and physically too for everything that lies ahead. Practicum 1 has been a great exploration for me and this 2nd phase will be the time for tying up and  putting things in actions. Let see how it goes later!

Have a Blessed Fasting Month to all my Muslim friends and Happy Practicum 2 to all PISMP Jan 2011 teacher trainees all around Malaysia!

Can't wait for the trips in few months time, pray for everything to go well! *wink*

I miss them a lot :')

pagiku cerahku,matahari bersinar
kugendong tas merah ku di pundak
slamat pagi smua ku natikan dirimu
didepan kls mu menantikan kami

guruku tersayang guruku tercinta
tanpamu apa jadiny aku
tak bisa baca tulis mengerti banyak hal
guruku terima kasih ku

nyatanya diriku kadang buat mu marah
namun segala maaf kau berikan

slamat pagi smua ku natikan dirimu
didepan kelas mu menantikan kami

guruku tersayang guruku tercinta
tanpamu apa jadiny aku
tak bisa baca tulis mengerti banyak hal
guruku terima kasih ku

nyata diriku kadang buat mu marah
namun sgala maaf kau berikan

guruku tersayang guruku tercinta
tanpamu apa jadiny aku
tak bisa baca tulis mengerti banyak hal
guruku terima kasih ku

Listening to this song and thinking that there will be no more saying 'Good morning boys and girls' tomorrow saddened me a lot. On the last day, i purposely did not want any of my pupils to cry because with all my heart i could not stand it too if it really happens. I will be in tear too. I tried my best to handle that feeling, to hide the sadness of separation behind those smiles. At one point, i just feel so emotional inside when everyone was looking at me while i was giving my 'last' advices. Of course, it is not that we are not going to meet again like forever. But somehow, between those four weeks of practicum it has formed some kind of strong emotional attachment between me and them. Plus, they are the first group of pupils i am teaching and that what makes them so special to me. There were days when i can't stand their behaviours and i scolded as well as shouted to them. With all my heart, i was so guilty after that. But that is part of the learning process for me. I should handle by emotion carefully. Despite of all the challenges, the ups and downs, the laughs burst, the awkwardness sparked, the happiness shared, i do miss them a lot. I hope they will grow not only in their knowledge but also in their personality and life as whole.

4C & 5A, SK Tabuan, you will be miss :')

'I won't give up'

Having my practicum now is like a dream turns into reality. Years ago, i saw some seniors went out for practicum and i wandered when would my turn be. And today, it is real, i am teaching my own pupils. And yes, they were still so many things for me to learn and to improve as well as to adapt with this life changing transition. Months ago, we were having our lectures on all the theories in learning but right on this moment, we are out there, applying all the theories into practical. It is really like a 'Dream Come True' feeling. 

After two weeks of practicum, i have seen some of the 'ugly true' in teaching. There were days when i was just so demotivated with things, questioning my ownself, my own ability as teacher. It was just a blurry sight that i think i had almost lost hope. I was wandering if my pupils did learn at least a thing in my class or they were just wasting 30 minutes of their lifetime sitting in my class. But after talking to some friends, it widen my perspectives to view things. It is still at the earlier stage. Lots of mistakes done but it is okay. That is part of the learning process. I can't expect myself to deliver a 'perfect' lesson either as i don't have that much experience. And again, there is no such 'perfect' things where all the pupils will get what is being taught. In fact, life-long learning: there is no stop of learning even if i am into the profession too someday. I have learnt too, that it is okay for the lesson to be the most simplest one at least pupils learnt something and the fun element is there as English is something really foreign to them. To inject the 'love' towards the language might consume a longer time. 

Sometimes, we are focussing more on future investment, saving too much things or money for the future that we forget that life is happening right at this moment. We should invest something for this moment too because when it passed there is no other way for turn back time. With that thought in mind, i have always get myself to be excited and positive everytime i enter the class. Get some exciting activity for the pupils as well as injecting the positive environment for learning. It is okay either for me to spend some money and time to make all the teaching aids, to plan my lesson activity to suit with the pupils or to buy some extra materials. Because i believe with those investments, it will not only give something for the pupils to learn but will make their knowledge one step further for their future benefits. Sometimes, i might be complaining on things but it was just to let go the feeling and to ease the worry. I know after the 'fall' i will rise again and i will always. 

Dear pupils, 'I won't give up'.

Happy Practicum !

Nothing beats than seeing the pure joy from the young souls.

I am having my first practicum in SK Tabuan Kuching from 1st of April to 26th April 2013. Will be taking two English classes, 5A & 4C, five periods in each class. Both with almost 40 pupils per class. Wish me all the best!

Hello boys and girls, I am Miss May! Nice to meet you all!

2013 IPBL

Finally, my third year as Degree student has come and i can smell the air pressure around. I haven't even entered the class, the lecturers had started looking for me. Don't worry, i am in progress of looking for moves and will be burning some oils tonight to look through the script. Indeed, this is a gold opportunity for me being in that position to learn more in other perspectives of life. But still, i do need some helping hands to work on it. Dear TESL siblings, let us work together for this production and for overall activities along this semester and onwards. 

Two more years to go. May God bless this journey as future teacher and inspiring educator :)

PS. It will be a miracle if we meet, but we did not. I guess, it is save for the future.

I want to and I will

These days have been so good to me. I have had a good, happy and great day. Well yes because all the assignments and tasks were submitted. The marks are in, only left with the exam part which will start this end of month. But still, i haven't started with my revision. I am still leisurely enjoying my free time. Following activities around. But it is alright, i need some fresh air. Need to socialise with people around after weeks cramping my brain with all the assignment stuffs. 

Tomorrow, we are going to have a netball tournament. How i wish that everyone could join. Because honestly, i play for enjoyment not for the sake of winning only. If winning is the point of participating the sport, then we should start with the training earlier like months ago. It just for fun. But it's okay, all the best for us tomorrow. Do cheer for us yaa. Musical night is coming in less that 2 weeks where the show will be on 21 October, at night. Can't wait for the night to come ~ lets dance together :D The dinner was great and the RunNat was awesome! Both moments are cherished in my heart ! Looking forward for these events next year.

Today, we had this talk with our lecturer about our overall performance in study. I can feel that most lecturers are just not that happy with us. We are the first batch of TESL and the one who is spotted by the MQA in 2014. I know we should do better, not just individually but as a group. But I know we could, we want to do better and we will do excellently. Being teacher is not as easy as one thinks off. Yes, the pay is high and we get long holidays, but guaranteed job is 'NO' on next year onwards. We do need to go through some kind of interview before posting. Teaching in class is just not to make the pupils learn but we also need to take care of the classroom management, different learning style, surrounding area, tools we used in class and everything, not including the filing & records, exam, discipline problems, GERKO, and so on. Yes, every profession has it advantages and disadvantages too. But what makes teacher profession so special is that, a teacher could mould one's future whether to inspire them or to put them down. Most of us stand on our path today is because of our teachers back then. Even sometimes, children believe their teacher more than their parents. Yes, teacher holds much powers that one could think off. That is why we really need to build our proficient, not just for the sake of teaching but to inspire one, to touch the heart of the new generations.

Anyway, we have two more years to go after this semester. Yes, more focus is needed. But at the same time even though study in my priority now, i will not forget all the beautiful things that come along the way. I don't want to stuck myself with all the notes in room. I want to join other activities too. Going for a trip, dancing, participating in any competition, playing sports, outing, laughing, reading novel, playing games, spending times with family and friends, jogging or at least go for a nice evening walk. Seize every moments.

Yes, I want to and i will :)

A Glimpse

Today, we had attended a choral speaking competition for Kuching division. It was a whole day programme. At first, i don't really fell like going but something tells me that it worth. Yes, a lot because i caught a glimpse on how my future going to be. I saw many different personalities not only from the teachers sides but also the pupils. Teachers are not only responsible to make sure their teams win but also to comfort their pupils' hearts if they did not win. Suddenly, i feel that being a teacher is not that easy than it seems to be. But, I believe i will be able to make it. less than 3 years, I will be one of them, teacher, educator and INSPIRER !

Indeed, becoming a teacher is a 'special' call and part of the blessing in my life.