The Journey

Promising to self to blog more this holiday but it was a fail. Maybe, I am not in that mood to write anything down. As holiday has almost come to an end, I decide to stay away from connecting with the Net. Spending more time on lively activities or just pondering my surrounding area. Getting to know, learn and understand how things work out,  how events carry the rippled effects and how people idealise their life. Weeks ago, few big rocks bumped into me, figuratively. At first, I thought that it was the end, but the story still need a continuation. Came another one which almost sunk me down and ripped the whole thing out. This time, I saw blank. I just felt like hiding under the blanket forever. But God triggers me. It was not the finishing line but the starting of another chapter.

As I age up, I realise that I am making so much assumptions, thinking and figuring on all the events in life. It is not just merely crowning one as a champion or a failure but it is a real, planned JOURNEY to be travelled. Regardless of all the things that happened, it gives me more opportunities to carry out new 'missions', commence conversations with those unknowns and experience the difference emotional states. True, that life can be 'suck' at time. There are people out there who will treat you the way you never expect, who will take you for granted, who want to show you that they hold the power to make you feel tiny. Still, there are many who own big hearts, who will give you opportunity to strive, who unconsciously share their stories to light you up and so on. Through everything, I learn that, no matter what the result is,  do acknowledge it because it is journey to be travelled, even when it goes to the downhill. I promise you that there is always light of hope at the end of the dark tunnel if you never give up hope. The reasons might not be unveil soon, but perhaps years later. 

Maybe, the road that I am going to travel later is a hilly one, and that is one of the reasons why I had been put into that situation. The experience gained from that journey, I will embrace it in my heart forever. 

'Have Faith'

One of my nurtured habits since I was a little girl is keeping a record, or maybe it is better pronounce as a 'diary' kind of things. From the previous post I had written years back, I started to keep the 'diary' when  I was in primary 5, which I guess most girls did too. When I entered SMESH, those habits became less day by day, means not a kind of everyday routine any more. But one thing I love to do is making cards for birthdays or friendship days or anything that similar to it. I guess I made a lot of them and received a lot too! I did also become so loyal writer of those received text messages! Everything is well kept until now. When I entered IPG, I am not really into those stuffs anymore, perhaps maybe because getting too much connected with everyone through Facebook and Twitter. Blog is the only place where some memories are recorded down and that is one of the reasons why I am still active with blogging, not just to pour the emotions out but also as a form of so called 'digital diary'. Yet, I always tell myself that 'thou shall not share everything with the world, there are some things that should be kept inside until the right time comes or perhaps just specifically known by some close souls'. The theme in writing varies through the years. Some might be on memories, plain posts, greetings, wishes, or perhaps the unstable emotions portrays on certain life events! 

Reading back everything always shower me with good memories. Just like listening to old songs which always makes the heart warms with smiles and laughters! It makes me to see how the life is transiting, so fast at times! Some days in the past, I never thought that I may end on some positions on this time of life. A little girl who sat at the back of the class who never had any idea that she will be wearing a pair of spectacles someday. A little girl who used to run freely down the road with childhood friends who never had any idea that someday she will be confining herself with more wonderful and amazing friends! A little girl who was paying attention to the teacher in front who never had any idea that someday she will be the one who is standing in front. Indeed, life is just so great!

Yet, doesn't mean that everything looks great depict that I never gone to any bitter situation. I have been there, many times, and I believe that everyone has their meltdown points too. But most importantly, we survive from it. Even though some things will just never be understood why it happened on the very first place because they are just not meant to be understood at all. Perhaps, unconsciously, the impacts of those non-understood kind of situation is for the souls around us, and God is using us to complete the circumstances. There were days when everything was just so wrong. Yet, I come to believe that there are experiences that God wants me to have to prepare me for the future that He holds for me. 

Through years, one big lesson that I have come to realise is to learn to have faith, even on the slightest things or when there seems just no way out to be found. Yes, there are days when I have forgotten why I have to stand here, why some things just don't happen the way I plan and why it is me. By reaching out for others, it always makes me ease. Reaching out not just in the form of saying things directly or being comforted on shoulder, but by just reading some words written or stepping out of the door and seeing the life of others. To learn to have faith is a process itself, some days we might fail to do it but never lose hope. Yes, saying 'have faith' to others is a kind of clinches because the phrase is not deeply live. To have faith come from one's experiences, it is a long process and the self needs to define it on their owns. 

Faith.

I’ll never fully understand how God works. But I know that I can trust Him, & I can trust in His plan even when all my plans have fallen apart (Jeremiah 29:11-14).

Fireproof

"Never leave your partner, especially in a fire."

Blessed Good Friday

Months ago, one of my friends said to me why i always 'Thank God' in everything, like every blog post i have written that word. At first, i was not aware of it, but i come to realise it each day. Yes, because the situations that i went through before have taught me to thank God in every state of life, no matter how positive and negative things were. I believe that God must have been preparing me in different situations before, to occupy myself with certain qualities, to enrich myself with various eye opening experiences before i could step on this life position. I believe that with everything that is given to me has something to do with the things around and the people i meet in this stage of life. I believe the same thing happened to everyone too. If not now, you are almost there. 

Happy Good Friday :)

Life: A growing process

Some people may inspire you through their speech, some through their words, talents, musics, personality, and the lists go on. In other words, each of us are connected to each other in many ways. Somewhere along the path, someone whom you never thought of will be one of the biggest 'blessings' in your life.

I am glad that i met many people with diversely unique personality along the way. The different form of 'blessings' that i received from them helps me to grow physically, emotionally, mentally and most importantly, spiritually. There is no such a 'perfect' figure of a human being. We are all still growing in many aspects of our life. The things in our life: family, friendships, education, career, enjoyments, relationship & etc. are the different form of mediums for us to grow. The people around the social circle are those anonymous Saints sent. But the foundation of everything, through the growing process is the FAITH that we are holding on to. 

Still, don't just GROW but LEARN too.

Happy Sunday :)

14th February 2013

Happy Valentine Day!

Quotes

They said, time is a healer. Reading is a healer too. Through words, we gained wonderful insights. I love reading and my preferable ones will be on novels and simple quotes. It touches, inspires and blooms the inner part of me.

God sometimes uses trouble to open your eyes, to make you aware of His voice, to make you sensitive to your surroundings. It's a wake up call, a nudge in the right direction. Don't allow the enemy to implant bitter thoughts in your mind that will only make you steer away from the Lord; thoughts that will only make you question His motives. Pray for discernment and revelation in this confusing time. Trust and seek the Lover of your soul. 

Thanking the Lord once you've received what you wanted for so long is easy but thanking Him though pain and tears is challenging. However, it's during the painful process that you witness His loving comfort. It's through the sorrow that you experience His peaceful presence. It's in these times that you appreciate His closeness. Don't think of this season as God being distant or indifferent, He's 

right beside you waiting for you to call on Him... thank Him and believe He will make things better. Don't waste this time on negative thoughts or trying to figure things out on your own, start enjoying the intimacy He desires to share with you.   

Ten years from now the troubles you face today will seem like a blip on the radar of life. The Lord will make sure that what drowns you today will be what you walk on tomorrow. He uses the good and bad experiences to edify and strengthen you. Nothing in your life goes to waste it's all valuable clay in the potters hands. Don't lose faith things will get better. Trust in God's promises.

Source: Spiritually Single

A reflection

It is not easy to cover up for others, especially those who caused so much pain to your soul. Not easy at all. 

Sometimes, people are talking about you at the back and it is not easy to still held up your head and pretend like nothing happened. Sometimes, people purposely push you towards the edge and it is not easy at all to stand still even though you know that at any minute, you will fall. Sometimes, people are planning something bad towards you, knowing about it and pretend like nothing is just like having your brain and purposely not digesting the fact. Sometimes people took away your things and never returned it back and it is not easy at all to comfort your heart and tell just to let it go. Sometimes people get credits for your work and it is not easy at all to just keep it down when you have to do the extra work without publishing how much destructive it had caused to yourself. It is just not easy at all to just walk away without pushing a charge to those who hurt and tear yourself down. And it is not easy at all to walk away without blaming others for causing you so much pain. even though that pain is meant for something good or for a purpose. Sometimes things are just so hard, so difficult and all you need to do is just to hold on, keep it silently down inside your heart. 

But at some points, without realizing it, we survived the battle!

It is just NOT in my nature to openly blame others, or hold any grudge or finger points others for the mistakes they caused. It is just not so me to use any remark to label others' actions. I rather held the white flag, not because to show the sign of weakness but that is what i believe the most. I don't like fighting, arguing or blaming. Yes, many things happened throughout this year. Most of the time i choose to keep things low. But somehow, after all, i just feel so burden-less inside. 

Thank you God for taking away the 'pain'. Lord, i pray for you to heal the broken relationship, the broken hearts and the broken souls. May all of us start freshly in Your grace and love. Amen :)

This just as a reflection with no intention to create any hard feeling between any soul.

Humble

I went back from church last night and had this so powerful feeling inside. I feel like thanking all the people around me. Somehow and somewhere everyone plays significant parts in making who i am today. They are the anonymous saints sent to me everyday. Happiness, sorrowful, joyful, frustrated and whatever feelings that were impacted to me helps to build my thoughts, values and faith. In between everything, i learn the power of humility in life. 

'The greatest miracles are the unspectacular ones; the greatest saints, probably, are the anonymous ones. "Should you ask me: what is the first thing in religion?" wrote St. Augustine, "I would reply: the first, second and third thing therein is humility." What about love? Isn't that first? Without humility love is not possible: there may be some activity of the ego disguised as love, but there is no love. Humility is the altar for which God receives sacrifices, said someone else. We thank God this day for all the anonymous saints of all time.' 

Thank you everyone for being a good friend. Peace be with you. God bless.

Happy All Souls Day

May all souls rest in peace.

A Prayer

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. 

(Lamentations 3:25-29, The Message).

~ Spiritually Single ~

My hope, faith and love

Hello there !

How is life? mine? quite hectic, sleepless night, tiring day. But despite of those battles, i am still blessed. Looking back at everything, all was wonderfully planned! Thank you Lord. Yes, these few days had been really a struggle for me. But I survived. Between this business lies some empty ports for me to take at least a short rest. It's weekend ! Yeaayy !

I had written lots of random posts lately and my attitudes were quite shakeable that i had come to some points in my life where i caught myself becoming more demanded that before. It was so different of me. But i guess it is part of the growing process. Trying to balance my attitudes, thoughts and acts. Distinguishing some things in my life. There might be some immature thoughts and childish acts poured around but it have no intention to offence any party. 

Talking about the future, I had my wish lists for it. I had been wishing it since i was in school. Yet, some of the wishes was just a dream, unfulfilled one. It is vanishing away. I had my plan but God has a BIGGER plan for me. Day to day, i realise that i have a special call in this life. It is to touch the heart of the new generation. Becoming a future teacher ~ that is part of the blessings in my life. Along the way, i have to leave some things, some people and some chances. 

Maybe, i don't have the opportunity to study abroad, to experience how it feels to stay in a place with four seasons, and to sit a bus that are full of unknown people. But i know God has a GREAT plan for me. There are reasons why i have  to step on some grounds, to bump into some people, to sit on some chairs, to sleep on certain bed and to walk on certain paths. There are reasons for it. I am not skilled to understand it now. But I believe, it is a wonderful one. 

Life is just so mysterious. I don't know what are the things waiting for me ahead, the people whom i will meet and that someone who will put a ring on my finger. What ever the surprises lie ahead, good or bad, I will always have my hope, faith and love in God.

Youths

I have had a great time with my youth friends last holiday. It was like almost everyday i met them. their jokes always make me feel want to laugh. out of all, the faith that we share together makes our friendship stays stronger, that is one of the blessings in my life.

picture taken during caroling time at my house, thank you for coming everyone!

these are pictures taken on Christmas day. taking picture together after Christmas's mass has been a tradition every year. and since more people own DSLR, more pictures are taken and more memories are made !

picture with sheryl. she has been a good friend of mine until now. Miss ya!

i wouldn't be able to keep in touch with them everyday, but i always spend some times to update myself with the youth's activities there. yeah, i miss to spend time with them all. hopefully, they are doing fine there.

see you'll soon friends!

A Sharing

Last night was a refreshing moment for me with Him,

we had this bible sharing at st bede chapel,

i thank everyone for the amazing sharing,

i learn so much from it,

listening to others make me to gain some 'insight',

most of all, i know that they were uttering the 'words of God'

i remember that once i was not someone who likes to give a sharing

but i learnt it with my friends in secondary day,

it started with a simple story which went down to the deepest part of our feelings

it was the best moment to let go everything.

as i moved on, i learnt to open up with people around me.

and now, i feel comfortable to share my faith in my circle of friends

especially my brothers and sisters in st bede chapel

yes, i do feel shy to share

but i don't know why, i just feel like sharing something

"I learnt that in whatever position we are right now, there is a reason for it.. my lecturer said that, God has His own purpose of making who we are right now.. even if you are single or in a relationship with someone, there is a reason for sure and there is something that we have to accomplish between these 'space and time'.. time travels in one direction, always move forward and never to the past or stop, hence make full use of every single moment in our life, chance may only comes for once, never let it go, enjoy all the things that you supposed to have in your life's stage now, cause when the stage pass you will never ever get the chance to be there again..out of all, learn to lift up everything to our God, He knows the best for us.. trust in Him, have faith in Him.. He makes all thing possible.. everything that we pray for will be answered in time"

Right now, i just want to thank Lord for everything in my life.

Everything is a blessing.

Thank you Lord for calling me,

Thank you for never leaving me alone.

MYD 2011

We are going to St Catherine Inanam church this evening to send over the SYD youth cross. It had been 2 weeks since the first day the cross stepped into Good Sherperd Church Menggatal. Hopefully everything will go well.

Personally, this cross bring significant meaning to myself. It does not only bring changes from the outside part of me, but also the inner side of me.

Physically, it helps to build another friendship circle in my life. It is still crystal clear in my mind how i greet the first youth from GSCM. She is florina. Until now, she has been a very good friend of mine. The best thing is that i get the chance to mingle out with the other youths and follow all their activities. Though, my house is a bit far from the church but i am so thankful that my family will always send to church. For going back transport, any of the youth will send me home. I know that it keeps on worrying my parents, especially my mother, for going home late at night, i feel guilty but always pray that God will wipe over their worry. I still remember that i ever reached my home around 2 am. I was so worried that time, luckily nothing bad happened.

Before this, there in no words like 'serving' or 'church youth' in my life dictionary until i met them all. Yes, now i know the feeling of being the servant of God, someone who serves not only for the church but also the community outside of the church. I really enjoyed all the activities in church; camp, carolling, choir, fellowship and many more. I am so thankful to have great company of friends there.

From the inner side of me, this youth cross brings something unspoken explanation. The this that i had experience is hard to be describe by words. I know that everyone has their own definition of this cross. For me, it is a remainder for myself. To nourish my faith, to be strong, to walk on God's path constantly. The things that make me grateful so much is that God always has His way to call me back to him. I believe that everyone has their own personal experience in this youth cross journey. Even if the answer is still 'no' or blur from your side, but you are getting there. For the ones who follow this cross journey for the first time, sooner or later you will understand the reason behind it.

All in all, everything started with the coming of the youth cross which was 4 years ago and i am thankful to God who had created those days.

God bless.

Thank you Lord for giving me that smile that has become the colour of happiness to my life.

All Souls Day

I had encountered so many problems in my life and thankfully i managed to get it through, but the battles have not end yet. there are so many more waiting ahead. after a deep thought, i realise that the things that i fear the most in this life is when i fall and lose my hope for everything. i know everyone had been to that point of life. and it takes lots of courage to rise again. actually, it's good that we had been there and learnt something as it provides space for us to reflect back everything. but the thing is that how if after the fall, we lose the courage to stand up again and no more hope seen again.

Part of the things that can wipe away my hope is when i lose someone in my life, lose in a way that we won't had any chance to meet again; i am really scared to lose people around me, but it can't be denied that everyone will have to leave some day. and those who stay, have to continue walking and try to seize everything that come along the way.

I had been to the hardest part of my life, where I spent one whole night sitting beside the hospital bed with a person who was sick and the next day, she left us.

I remember that time, my parents had picked me up from the hostel, and straight away went to the hospital and i saw her lying weakly on the bed. then, my mother asked me to stay and take care of her for the night, my father even gave his phone to me in case anything emergency happened. at first, i was a bit unsatisfied because i wanted to rest and tomorrow was my confirmation day, but i saw my parents look more tired and worried, so i decided to stay.

I was half-asleep through the night, and i saw her moving uncomfortably, i know that she was fighting with the pain inside but i really don't know what to do to ease the pain, i was so sorry for her. that time, i was a little bit upset with the nurses and service provided there. i remember how harsh the nurses had treated her because the needle fell out. i wished that i had done something to comfort her and i thought that there will still be tomorrow for us but on the next day, she passed away.

That was the day, for the first time i saw my father broke into tears, seeing his mother had left him forever. yes, that person is my late grandmother.

I remember that during my childhood, i rarely spent my days with her. We only met once a year, or once in two years. and sometimes it almost three years i didnt see her, that why i was not that close to her. and maybe that was the reason why i got the chance to spent her last few hours of life together. she had been sick for years, and i know how hard my father and his siblings try to get her the best medicine to cure her sickness. i dont know why i didnt try my best to make her happy, or at least comfort her, when she was really in pain, i was really guilty when i think about it again.

Every time i share this story, i can't stop my tears from flowing. even though the bond between us was not that close enough, she is still one of the greatest person i ever meet.

Today is All Souls Day. I pray that her soul will be at peace always. let us pray for all souls too that they may rest in peace. Amen.

ICC Camp 2011

I had been to ICC and it was great awakening! I enjoyed all the activities that we did there like group sharing, praise and worship, taize prayer, animation, creative report, movie watching, games and so on. there were 13 of us from IPBL who had participated this 3 days and 2 nights camp.

Through the camp, we were exposed to these four elements of gospel values ~ hope, faith, love and freedom. these sentimental values give great deal of impacts to our life. i learnt about freedom the most. everyone is free to lead what kind of life they want to live. even at the moment we started our day, we have to choose! we have the power to choose what kind of day we want to go through ~ happy, sad, motivated ~ everything is up to us. but still, we should always bear in our mind that there is a limit for everything. we should know how to draw the line between do's and don's in our life. though we are free to choose, still there is a boundary that we should not overlook. yeah, that is freedom!

Apart from that, sis Lisa (the program's coordinator) also told us that there are 'white wolf' and 'black wolf' in every man. so, it is up to us which wolf we would want to feed more. but remember that, don't over-feed the 'black wolf' or else it would 'overtake' you and i am sure that you guys know what's the consequences.

Overall, i really enjoy this camp. hopefully, i can join something like this again in the future. to my amazing friends - elsie, libe, jus, usun, cecil, lesley, dolo, allan, mathew, yanson, easther, erwin, thank you for making my days so much fun. not to forget the organizers team and participants of Inter Campus Camp 2011, you'll will be missed.

you.and.them.are.BLESSINGS.in.my.life

I have chosen these words -you.and.them.are.BLESSINGS.in.my.life- as the title for my blog for some reasons.

The first one is because i believe that everything that comes to my life, good or bad, is a blessing. Yeah, its true that at some points in my life i do feel unsatisfied with the things around me. I complained and blamed people. But after complaining and said those things out, then only i feel a bit relieve. At times, i choose to keep my dissatisfaction inside or just ignore it. After all the bad and moody days go away, then only i realise something. The pain that i had gone through was the one that makes myself stronger each day. It teaches me something about life. I have learnt that there is a reason for everything and it will be only revealed at the end, which is on the right moment.

I still remember the moments where i had lost my spectacles during our drama competition in Sibu last year, that moments had taught me something about being grateful in life. I can't really remember how i lost it. The only thing that i knew that time was blaming myself for being so careless. So, i had to see with my blurry sight for few weeks. I wanted to buy new spectacles, but i was worried that it would cost me a lot of money, cause the price of the spectacles which i lost was around rm200, and that was almost half of my allowance. I don't want to burden my parents asking for money anymore. So i just kept quite and bear with the situation. In class, i almost lost my interest in learning literature cause i can't see the written words on the board. Then, after few weeks, i went to Saberkas with my classmates, and that day i didn't know why i really feel like stepping into the spectacles' shop. Right at that moment, i called my mom and honestly admit to her about my lost spectacles. Surprisingly, she just asked me to buy new one. So i went to the spectacles shop and saw a pair spectacles which was exactly the same with the design and colour of my former spectacles, and it only cost around rm60, almost 3 times cheaper than the former one. That was great!

Most importantly, at the end, the 'moment-of-having-no-spectacles' makes me realise that i am so blessed that i still can see through my eyes even though it is blur cause there are people out there who can't even see a single thing on this earth. We should be grateful for all the things in our life. It is not wrong to complain, just say out all your worry, cause God will be listening all the times. Everything will take place at the right time. good and bad things are surely followed by a blessed moment one day.

I strongly believe that you.and.them.are.BLESSINGS.in.my.life:)

'Facing the Giants'

As usual, every Thursday night, we will be having activity at the chapel. The activity for this week was movie night and we had watched this movie - 'Facing the giants'. It is such a wonderful and full of motivation kind of movie. It brought some refreshment to myself. Lessons that i have learnt from this movie are:

everyone fails at some points

stay humble but confident

face your fear

whatever comes to you life, leave it all to GOD

Sometimes it is not the problem that is chasing us but it is a challenge that we have to overcome and can only be solved in the present of God in our heart.

St Bede Community

I feel blessed to be part of the St Bede community in our college. I know it is not a coincidence nor a LUCK to be accepted in this college, but it is part of God's beautiful plan for me in my life. Sometimes, I feel so hard to live my life. I just can't stop myself from complaining all the difficulties that I have to go through. Without knowing, all the obstacles are part of the challenges that I need to stay strong in His love. I have learnt that every little thing that happened, good or bad, is a blessing in my life.

It is a blessing that we are the only teacher training college who owns two chapels in Malaysia. St Gabriel chapel is for the TCF and St Bede is for the Catholic students. It is quite questionable that why there are two chapels? why the Christians are separated? I am not expert to explain the answer, but the history story of our college could be one of the answers. However, we are blessed that every end of the month, we have this gathering (Praise and Worship) for all the Christian students in this IPG whereby each chapel will take turns to organise the combined fellowship.

St Bede chapel, IPBL

They are part of the blessing in my life :)

This month, the gathering was organised by St Bede which was on 24th Feb. It feels so good to praise and worship as ONE in God's name. I learned a lot from it. Through the sharing from Mr Michel, I realise that we should learn to listen more and not to talk all the time. God wants us to listen to Him. Like the story of Maria and Marta.

Last night also we have combined meeting with the IPTAR TCF and our college TCF which is the first time and it was really awesome. Once again we come to praise and worship God as one! I really love the sharing delivered by Madam Ruth. One important remainder ; the time is running out, be prepared people!

IPTAR and IPBL combined gathering !

I can't explain the exact feeling of mine now, but I am truly overwhelmed by His grace. I know that through these activities, He is telling me something. He has sent so many people to talk to me. Thank you Lord for everything. Honestly saying, sometimes I forget about the little blessing that I have received when I am too much directing myself to the world's needs. I forget to pray. I forget Him. But some how, I am grateful that He still there, tries to approach me in so many ways that I had never imagined before.

Lets pray that all of us will stand firmly in His glory and always mind the things that matter the most in our life. Remember that, one day all of us is going HOME, our real HOME. Lets pray that our faith will stay strong until the day of His second coming.