All Souls Day

I had encountered so many problems in my life and thankfully i managed to get it through, but the battles have not end yet. there are so many more waiting ahead. after a deep thought, i realise that the things that i fear the most in this life is when i fall and lose my hope for everything. i know everyone had been to that point of life. and it takes lots of courage to rise again. actually, it's good that we had been there and learnt something as it provides space for us to reflect back everything. but the thing is that how if after the fall, we lose the courage to stand up again and no more hope seen again.

Part of the things that can wipe away my hope is when i lose someone in my life, lose in a way that we won't had any chance to meet again; i am really scared to lose people around me, but it can't be denied that everyone will have to leave some day. and those who stay, have to continue walking and try to seize everything that come along the way.

I had been to the hardest part of my life, where I spent one whole night sitting beside the hospital bed with a person who was sick and the next day, she left us.

I remember that time, my parents had picked me up from the hostel, and straight away went to the hospital and i saw her lying weakly on the bed. then, my mother asked me to stay and take care of her for the night, my father even gave his phone to me in case anything emergency happened. at first, i was a bit unsatisfied because i wanted to rest and tomorrow was my confirmation day, but i saw my parents look more tired and worried, so i decided to stay.

I was half-asleep through the night, and i saw her moving uncomfortably, i know that she was fighting with the pain inside but i really don't know what to do to ease the pain, i was so sorry for her. that time, i was a little bit upset with the nurses and service provided there. i remember how harsh the nurses had treated her because the needle fell out. i wished that i had done something to comfort her and i thought that there will still be tomorrow for us but on the next day, she passed away.

That was the day, for the first time i saw my father broke into tears, seeing his mother had left him forever. yes, that person is my late grandmother.

I remember that during my childhood, i rarely spent my days with her. We only met once a year, or once in two years. and sometimes it almost three years i didnt see her, that why i was not that close to her. and maybe that was the reason why i got the chance to spent her last few hours of life together. she had been sick for years, and i know how hard my father and his siblings try to get her the best medicine to cure her sickness. i dont know why i didnt try my best to make her happy, or at least comfort her, when she was really in pain, i was really guilty when i think about it again.

Every time i share this story, i can't stop my tears from flowing. even though the bond between us was not that close enough, she is still one of the greatest person i ever meet.

Today is All Souls Day. I pray that her soul will be at peace always. let us pray for all souls too that they may rest in peace. Amen.