The Journey

Promising to self to blog more this holiday but it was a fail. Maybe, I am not in that mood to write anything down. As holiday has almost come to an end, I decide to stay away from connecting with the Net. Spending more time on lively activities or just pondering my surrounding area. Getting to know, learn and understand how things work out,  how events carry the rippled effects and how people idealise their life. Weeks ago, few big rocks bumped into me, figuratively. At first, I thought that it was the end, but the story still need a continuation. Came another one which almost sunk me down and ripped the whole thing out. This time, I saw blank. I just felt like hiding under the blanket forever. But God triggers me. It was not the finishing line but the starting of another chapter.

As I age up, I realise that I am making so much assumptions, thinking and figuring on all the events in life. It is not just merely crowning one as a champion or a failure but it is a real, planned JOURNEY to be travelled. Regardless of all the things that happened, it gives me more opportunities to carry out new 'missions', commence conversations with those unknowns and experience the difference emotional states. True, that life can be 'suck' at time. There are people out there who will treat you the way you never expect, who will take you for granted, who want to show you that they hold the power to make you feel tiny. Still, there are many who own big hearts, who will give you opportunity to strive, who unconsciously share their stories to light you up and so on. Through everything, I learn that, no matter what the result is,  do acknowledge it because it is journey to be travelled, even when it goes to the downhill. I promise you that there is always light of hope at the end of the dark tunnel if you never give up hope. The reasons might not be unveil soon, but perhaps years later. 

Maybe, the road that I am going to travel later is a hilly one, and that is one of the reasons why I had been put into that situation. The experience gained from that journey, I will embrace it in my heart forever. 

What if...

Each soul must have ponder the same phrase, each day, each moment in life. I have been thinking the same too. Sometimes, I have so much positive vibes inside that I always describe life as GREAT! And I'm wandering if that word really precisely pointing on all the things that are happening, or am I just being positive with everything, pretending that life is really just great, or it is just a comforting word to tell everyone that I am happy enough with everything. The transition of life has been so fast at some times, and flows slowly at times. In between I found myself contemplating for so many times with big 'What if' accompanying each thought. There are just so much things that is unsure, unpredictable and incomprehensible. That one small thing happened could bring so much effects to the things around. Some just break my heart a lot. I thought that with all the exposures and experiences gained could make me strong enough to stand everything. But I was wrong. It is not just about achieving things, but to learn and realise the lesson tagged in each moment. 

For each fall back, I believe that it is a golden moment for me to reflect back everything. I couldn't just move  forward without analysing the surrounding. It is not just about being contented but to feel blessed for whatever states of life that overtake us, knowing that He is in control and letting Him works things out. To detach some feelings, pains and wounds are not easy, but it is a worth experience to shape, strengthen and heal the mind, heart and soul. Even if the road is just unsure, I will keep on walking and putting everything wholeheartedly in His hands.

LIFE: 'Subjective'

For all the things that happened or are happening, I have grown so much and I believe everyone does too.

Through the days, months and years, I come to learn that LIFE is SUBJECTIVE. That everyone has their own definitions and versions of it. We might discover the same things and facts in life but the degree of what kind of judgement we put into it are vaguely big, HUGE! 

And the clinche-ly quote always goes 'Don't judge, don't judge, and don't judge!' but the real fact is that people judge all the time, ALL THE TIME! 

For me that is okay! and I would be happy enough knowing that everyone is judging even though sometime it hurts. Why so? Because we couldn't run from not judging others. Why do we learn all and memorize all the Mathematics formula once upon a time: it is no other reason than to make your brain keep on calculating, thinking, analyzing, making the wise decision and be more critical! Which in short: use your brain productively! Just because we learn all the formulas, that doesn't mean that we need to encounter them literally on daily basis, but the implicit skills learnt through the process are the ones should be highlighted. 

I am not practising favouritism of proving everyone how useful the subject is just because I am a number lover. The underlying things that I would like to surface is the reason why people keep on judging and it is okay to do so. 

At some points, we might not realise that actually people do judge but the judgement made met with the expectation that we goal for, and in turn it becomes a compliment for us, a reasonable justification. 

But when it is the negative outcomes, the war starts! All in all, it always depends on an individual how he deals with the situations. Because everything that comes out is a great lesson if we look into it positively. At some points, we have to dare to stand no matter what are against us. Learn to step out from the comfort zone, trust your own opinions and be brave enough to walk on the road not taken. 

For all the things that happened along the way, which some make my faith shakeable, I am still feel grateful because it leads to where I am now, the ultimate blessed state and it is a testimony of how great God's love is.

P/S In case people are judging you next time, let them do it. As life is SUBJECTIVE, you define your own stance! ;)

A world to run

I know that title is a bit ambitious, or should I said it too much? A lady like me to run a world? Impossible? But let make it possible! As everyone has the chance to make differences, why don't start a little thing which in turn could spread a great rippled effect around, and even to the world! okay, I shall stop that philosophical doses!

Almost two weeks off for holiday and it feels awesome! So much things happened and so much stories need to be written out. Perhaps, I shall work as a typewriter this holiday, should I? Okay, get things direct to the point. I know it is still not yet the end of year, but still let gets some things summarised;

2013: Two semesters done: 5th and 6th. Rooster. Class Retreat. Teaching Practice 1. Exam. Mid-Sem breaks. Miri Dancing. BCF Dancing. Teaching Practice 2. The Journey 2.0 Camp. BTN Course. Singapore Trip. Musical Night. Annual Dinner.  Exam. HOLIDAY. KL-Malacca Trip! 

Oh, I feel like I had won the World Championship Award! Did I? Yes, in my own midsummer dream! But yes, that feeling of being satisfied is totally there. At least, there are so much moments treasured in between despite of all the hectic schedules, mixed-up-down-feelings. Opps, sorry for marking myself as the 'most busiest person in the world', don't worry everyone deserves the title too. And I am still young, I shall embrace the joy of being young adult and channelling all the energy into the positive entertaining vibes around!

Plan for holiday: most of the time spending time with my families and act like a boss, but no bossing around! Cause this might be the last-relaxing holiday I have as years to come I might be drowning myself to other things, venturing to more challenging life getaway or perhaps grooming newly found hobbies! Still, I do need to be more productive this holiday, not just for the sake that next year will be the final but for the long haul! 

Dear May, get up, you got a world to run for! ;)

Be AWESOME!

'A Letter from Heaven'

Dear God, grant peace in their souls. RIP. 

Miles Apart

I never thought that my days in SMESH will be filled with wonderful memories which is a lifetime lasting. Not just about the memories, but the people I met, knew and connect with! Being together, as a group, or perhaps like a 'gang' has no intention to create any gang-up culture. Yet, the friendship among the 11 of us is unconsciously built but intended by Him. He has reasons for putting each of us on the line, regardless of the time of meeting. And yes, so much cherish-able memories created in those years until this moment.

 4th - 7th Nov 2007 marks the first trip we made through together (excluding Jenny and Nancy). It has been 6 years since then. I miss those moment! Honesty, I have no idea that I am going to meet such wonderful company which are more than friends, they are like sisters! I miss those days spent together, telling dramatic stories, laughing, shedding tears, eating, singing, dancing, portraying some so-called-teens-crimes and the lists go endlessly. I couldn't write everything descriptively because it will take forever. High school days, they always remain me of good old times, memories created that are imperishable. 

Though we are now stepping on different ground, get rarely in contact or meet, but still the bond is strong, so strong! And sometimes, I thought that we could read each others' minds that at the point of breaking, some of them will show up at that exact moment. God must have created us in such away that even we are miles away, we are inseparable and unbreakable. It is not just about being understanding or accepting each other flaws but more than that. Most of the time, it is putting up with each other, the good and the bad, the right and the wrong, the best and the worst. Yet, just because we look perfect together doesn't mean we never experienced conflicts, we did and so many of them. But the blessings that come together with the friendship are strong enough to win against the all odds.

Though we are miles apart, but we are close at heart. On one fine day, we shall get together and drunken ourselves with the best friendship's toasts ever!

Sayings

“I’ve come to believe that each of us has a personal calling that’s as unique as a fingerprint – and that the best way to succeed is to discover what you love and then find a way to offer it to others in the form of service, working hard, and also allowing the energy of the universe to lead you.” 

Oprah Winfrey

"Too often in life, something happens and we blame other people for us not being happy or satisfied or fulfilled. So the point is, we all have choices, and we make the choice to accept people or situations or to not accept situations."
Tom Brady

“I always did something I was a little not ready to do. I think that’s how you grow. When there’s that moment of ‘Wow, I’m not really sure I can do this,’ and you push through those moments, that’s when you have a breakthrough.”
Marissa Mayer

The Determined Me

I feel like I haven't been writing like ages! O my! It is not like I have lost my interest in writing but too little time to write and too much 'lazy' hormone in pouring things out. But yes, life has been great, as always! At some times, I had been activating myself with all the activities, working like a 'real' teacher for the recent teaching practice and travelling around which makes my body to demand for more energy source. At the end of the day, I gain SOME weight and that is an obvious one, poor me! Okay, I know that won't give enough reason of winning everyone's side to feel pity on me. 

That 'pity' feeling is more appropriate to be poured on the recent news in our country. After updating myself with all the recent unexpected cases around Malaysia, it aches my heart! How I wish the world could be much more safer now just like the inactive-Internat reign. But that is how things go, the world is evolving and the people are affected too. Knowing all those things it does trigger the 'educator' side of me. Yet, it does not only fall on our shoulder, but the responsibility goes to everyone: parents, friends, society and the nation. 

Okay, back to the 'weight' story, I shall get myself on track again. Yes, with all the fulfilled days with activities I lost myself against my own diet. Hence, I shall be working on it again for the LEGENDARY comeback! Okay, I know that is too much of exaggerating on things. I am just trying to get myself motivated - that feeling of being determined!

We'll have our annual dinner tomorrow and exam for the days after. In three weeks time, I shall be home and there will be lots of events awaiting! Hopefully, everything will go well. I guess, I will just update everything during the holiday as I will have more time to sit like a 'boss' then.

Before I stop, let this picture entertains you which is on my attempt of getting myself aired higher than the Singapore's flyer but it was a failure. For the next visit, I shall win against that flyer and, of course, with the help from camera trick! ;)

Lastly, I shall get myself to be more determined for the coming exam too!

Hye!

It has been 2 months since my last post which actually makes me close to abandon this site! But, not for now. So many things happened within the months: completing my second phase of teaching practice, BTN course and Singapore Trip! Finally, one of my wish-lists is fulfilled! Perhaps, I will have those stories written when I have longer time to blog. Until then, bye!

Kiroro : Mirai E

hora ashimoto wo mitegoran 

kore ga anata no ayumu michi 

hora mae wo mitegoran 

are ga anata no mirai

haha ga kureta 

takusan no yasashisa 

ai wo idaite ayume to kurikaeshita 

ano toki wa mada osanakute 

imi nado shiranai 

sonna watashi no te wo nigiri 

issho ni ayundekita

yume wa itsumo 

sora takaku aru kara 

todokanakute kowai ne 

dakedo oitsuzukeru no

jibun no sutoori dakara koso 

akirametakunai 

fuan ni naru to te wo nigiri 

issho ni ayundekita

sono yasashisa wo toki ni wa iyagari 

hanareta haha e sunao ni narezu 

hora ashimoto wo mitegoran 

kore ga anata no ayumu michi 

hora mae wo mitegoran 

are ga anata no mirai

mirai e mukatte 

yukkuri to aruite yukoo

slowly towards the future let’s walk

The song that always brings the memories back to Moral class with Sensei, 2004. It has almost been 10 years, yet everything is still fresh in mind.

'Have Faith'

One of my nurtured habits since I was a little girl is keeping a record, or maybe it is better pronounce as a 'diary' kind of things. From the previous post I had written years back, I started to keep the 'diary' when  I was in primary 5, which I guess most girls did too. When I entered SMESH, those habits became less day by day, means not a kind of everyday routine any more. But one thing I love to do is making cards for birthdays or friendship days or anything that similar to it. I guess I made a lot of them and received a lot too! I did also become so loyal writer of those received text messages! Everything is well kept until now. When I entered IPG, I am not really into those stuffs anymore, perhaps maybe because getting too much connected with everyone through Facebook and Twitter. Blog is the only place where some memories are recorded down and that is one of the reasons why I am still active with blogging, not just to pour the emotions out but also as a form of so called 'digital diary'. Yet, I always tell myself that 'thou shall not share everything with the world, there are some things that should be kept inside until the right time comes or perhaps just specifically known by some close souls'. The theme in writing varies through the years. Some might be on memories, plain posts, greetings, wishes, or perhaps the unstable emotions portrays on certain life events! 

Reading back everything always shower me with good memories. Just like listening to old songs which always makes the heart warms with smiles and laughters! It makes me to see how the life is transiting, so fast at times! Some days in the past, I never thought that I may end on some positions on this time of life. A little girl who sat at the back of the class who never had any idea that she will be wearing a pair of spectacles someday. A little girl who used to run freely down the road with childhood friends who never had any idea that someday she will be confining herself with more wonderful and amazing friends! A little girl who was paying attention to the teacher in front who never had any idea that someday she will be the one who is standing in front. Indeed, life is just so great!

Yet, doesn't mean that everything looks great depict that I never gone to any bitter situation. I have been there, many times, and I believe that everyone has their meltdown points too. But most importantly, we survive from it. Even though some things will just never be understood why it happened on the very first place because they are just not meant to be understood at all. Perhaps, unconsciously, the impacts of those non-understood kind of situation is for the souls around us, and God is using us to complete the circumstances. There were days when everything was just so wrong. Yet, I come to believe that there are experiences that God wants me to have to prepare me for the future that He holds for me. 

Through years, one big lesson that I have come to realise is to learn to have faith, even on the slightest things or when there seems just no way out to be found. Yes, there are days when I have forgotten why I have to stand here, why some things just don't happen the way I plan and why it is me. By reaching out for others, it always makes me ease. Reaching out not just in the form of saying things directly or being comforted on shoulder, but by just reading some words written or stepping out of the door and seeing the life of others. To learn to have faith is a process itself, some days we might fail to do it but never lose hope. Yes, saying 'have faith' to others is a kind of clinches because the phrase is not deeply live. To have faith come from one's experiences, it is a long process and the self needs to define it on their owns. 

Faith.

I’ll never fully understand how God works. But I know that I can trust Him, & I can trust in His plan even when all my plans have fallen apart (Jeremiah 29:11-14).

3 weeks: 2nd phase of practicum

Three weeks of second phase of practicum had just ended. This time, I feel that time is flying faster than the first phase and yes I am enjoying every single moment of it. Even though with the lack of sleeping hours and too much head-cracked times trying to plan and design the lesson, but it always warm my heart seeing the joy come those young souls. I may be still at the inexperience level of teaching but I am learning to build myself as well as to find the pleasure in teaching. This time the challenges and environment are so much different than the previous one. To tackle the heart of 38 souls at a time is not easy at all. Literally, teaching seem to be easy viewing it from the point of the audience's eyes or perhaps recalling the memories back to school days. Seeing how a teacher delivers a lesson in front with talking and instructing the pupils to complete the tasks is a kind of ABC thing. But the truth, you will never imagine how difficult it is. In fact, I believe that every profession has their own struggles and walking down the path of teaching making me to see the reality of it much more deeper. Some days, it could be frustrated. Not just because of questioning the capability in teaching but also seeing the unbearable impacts glued on some hearts of learning the wrong things or perhaps just can't digest any single word uttered. Yet some days, I just can't take it not to laugh seeing the honesty portrayed, high level of energy demonstrated and playful words said by those young souls. 

Children; regardless of where they are from, they are just being them, unique and adorable in their own special ways. 

Two weeks off from practicum, I should spend some times to look for more interesting and captivating teaching ideas. For now, have your breaks pupils and see you all after the holidays, take care!

Challenge accepted!

To teach and to inspire are not easy. It needs to be learnt and I am in the process of learning them. Had my first day of practicum phase 2 today at SK Satria Jaya. Will be taking Year 2 Zamrud English KSSR class, 38 mixed ability pupils. The situation is different from my previous practicum. But whatever it is, challenge accepted! 

All the best everyone.

Distance

Happy Anniversary!

13 July 2009, I met 13 unfamiliar faces and a lady who is my roomate since then! We attended our first lecture together as the smallest group in the IPG, 15 trainees. The group was completed with the coming of the two ladies on the 10th of August. Today, it has been 4 years of us walking down the path together. Used to be the smallest group for years and the most multi-ethnics group in the whole college. Though we are small in number but I am proud to have such wonderful, full of talents and great course mates. Each of us, being hand-selectively, has our own niches in different fields and the what make us Awesome! I am so thankful to have such great lecturers who constantly inspiring and encouraging us to soar high; to discover and maximise our potentials and that is what we are going to aim for in the career we are to be someday. Not just to learn and teach but to inspire the heart of the young generations. Dear TESL mates, I am glad to have each of you and thank you for being part of the 'Time of my Life'. 

Happy Anniversary to all PISMP January 2011 teacher trainees all around Malaysia!

Hi !

Hi, it has been a while! 

I guess I have been too much travelling these few weeks! Going here and there, just like a tour all around Sarawak, but a free one! And yes, I have been to almost all the main cities in Sarawak! It is not just about dancing, travelling or sitting in the bus for hours but those highlighted moments spent with the wonderful company who hyper-actively cracking jokes all the way, meeting new people and creating memories! Those things are the ones that making this journey worth.

And as usual, I had been pampering my stomach with foods! Trying to soak all the sweet and sour delicacies of Sarawak. So for the coming days/weeks/months, I need to put on a strict & healthy diet!

Practicum 2 is coming soon too! It is kind of nerve-racking but I guess it will be an exciting one! I wonder how would my pupils be this time. Whatever it is, let have fun learning together! But yes, I need to prepare myself mentally, emotionally and physically too for everything that lies ahead. Practicum 1 has been a great exploration for me and this 2nd phase will be the time for tying up and  putting things in actions. Let see how it goes later!

Have a Blessed Fasting Month to all my Muslim friends and Happy Practicum 2 to all PISMP Jan 2011 teacher trainees all around Malaysia!

Can't wait for the trips in few months time, pray for everything to go well! *wink*

Keep doing my best!

Reading my old posts is like tapping on the old memories. What a great life transition! It really amazed me how some things unfold through years, and truly God is working things for me and for everyone too. There were points in life that I was just unaware that I will end up to this position one day. And yes, I am glad to walk down the path. The journey, ups and downs, has been incredibly exciting! There may be some things that I am unable to fully comprehend it, but one thing for sure I'm going to keep doing my best!

May God bless each and everyone of us. Lets pray for the best! ;)

Happy Father's Day, my king!

Every father has their own life story; how they preserve just to provide meals, shelter and education to the family. This makes each of them special in their own way. 

Back then, the most fresh memories that I had with my father during my childhood time were when we were sitting on the bench and my father dropped the eye-liquid in my eyes and the day when we were standing outside the video shop to borrow our favourite childhood movie! Through years, many more memories created! 

My father has always been humble in his own way and that is the thing I love the most about him. He is a man with less words and full of patient. He prefers to stay home but if there are events held, he always makes his time for it. He loves singing too and will always grab the mike to sing in events! Through life, he has always be the best role model for me, seeing how he handle things out around the house. Being handy and sometime randomly cracking jokes around make his personality lovable! He, as a person, always inspire my life and I am proud to have him as my dad! We may not showing our love through saying 'I love you' or hugging each other, but love is portrayed through actions and all the time spent together! He has been a great father, a lovable husband, a committed officer, a wonderful friend and he will always be one! 

Thank you so much father for everything. May God's blessings be upon you always!

And if you are wandering who is the best man in my life, here he is! 

Again, Happy Father's Day, my king!

'Leaving On a Jet Plane'

I'm leaving in less than 24 hours and this time my heart is too heavy to do so. But, I have no other choice. So dear heart, lets do this together! 

Holiday has always been great for me, especially when surrounded by families! What I love the most is to just sit and listen to stories told by them. Even on the last week of holiday, I still got my 'sweet escape' to Pitas and Kota Marudu. Last year, during this holiday time, I went for a stay in my cousin's house at KM and got a scarred tattoo after riding on the bike. But for this holiday, I went there and learn to ride the bike which I did! O my! 

As usual, a routine before leaving for IPG, we went for shopping and shopped a lot today! We had our family dinner together too which cost only RM 9.90 per person, Japanese & Korean Vege Buffet at Karamunsing and everyone is to eat as much as he/she wants! 

I met Ellye yesterday and as usual we talked a lot! It makes me to miss the story times we used to have together. Yes, I can't wait for everyone to finish their study! We still have long lists of things to do together!

In one month time, I will be having my second practicum which is around Kuching too. As usual, will be having lectures, BIG and some events! I am not wishing it to be an easy semester but I hope that all of us will have the strength to endure together on whatever that may come along the way and wisdom to handle all the things that we are to do. Stay the course!

For now, dear Mr. Pilot, who ever you are, get the jet ready! :)

A relationship

The Breaks

I have so much to write, but so little mood to do so. But today, I MUST write!

Two weeks of holiday had passed with every little wonderful moment filling the gaps in between. 

What I love the most in this holiday is that I went to Ranau, which mean I did pass by Bundu Tuhan and Kundasang, breathtaking places! Though we were stuck like almost 4 hours on the way from Kundasang to Ranau, which it was supposed to be less than half an hour drive. Still, it was great to meet cousins and relatives from far. 

I met my childhood playmates too after almost 15 years! And one of them is married now and we met in her wedding reception. It did strike me a while when my grandma said that these day it is quite difficult for us to visit the relatives 'songgiro poh mongoi piruba, aiso no dii pagantakan' (okay, this is my own Dusun version). Indeed, the world is so busy nowadays, that sometimes we do not even have time to say hello to our own far away relatives or friends. So, if there are events held with holidays in between, we should always grab that opportunity to attend, meet and get to know relatives/friends.

My mother and I did also join the volunteers team for 'Sukan Sabah (SAGA) VI' under DBKK. Though at the very first place, I did not plan to join either because I just feel to be home and do nothing but it was too late to back off. Yet, it was a great experiences! I met lot of new people from various part of Sabah, with the different personalities and attitudes they exhibit. I did also make an attempt to serve the food just like the people in my Secondary school's dining hall, though that was not part of the job. I am sure that someday, I will be part of this big event again, not as a volunteer but perhaps from the school community. I might have to bring my own pupils to participate in one of those sport events. Apart from that, I did meet some old friends, see wonderful fireworks colouring the dark sky and experience live performances from the Sabahan's artists. Yes, it was tiring and I got to eat a lot! OMO!

The rest of my time was spent at home: doing cleaning up, arranging my wardrobe, watching movies, updating myself with FB's events, having Zumba session with my mother, playing around with little Amber, cooking for the whole family, reading books, singing karaoke with my little sister or alone!, having small celebration for my mother's birthday, driving aimlessly around the residential area or just sitting alone like a princess! I did go for outings too: hunting for books which I did get one for myself, meeting some friends, seeing the beauty pageants walking on  stage during the Giant's Kaamatan Day and the lists go on. Okay, I know I am writing every single things I did! O my me!

But yes, I love writing things out. That is part of way to record the memories and  the feelings. At least, one day when I read my old posts, that 'One day me' will say, 'Oh, I had been there before, wonderful!'. 

I have been doing so much of reflective thoughts too, I guess, after reading some thought provoking novels and watching inspiring movies: 

That sometimes, we are so busy growing up until we forget that our parents, grandparents and  everyone are growing old too. When we have the opportunity, do spend little time with them at least. Treasure the moments.

That some little things that could bring joy is forgotten. After going through tiring days, ourself needs a little break and there is nothing wrong just to sit down and  do nothing at one point of your life. Perhaps spend the time with the things you love the most, by yourself or with people you love. 

That in this world, we all have different ways of viewing things and we can't expect people to act they way we want. When people are showing their 'true' colour it is a good sign actually that we are knowing them more. Sometimes, we don't need to fit with them, but just accept them the way they are. 

That in every struggles, there is a purpose and great lessons tagged along. When life is turning its way around, it is not wrong to humbly ask for help from others.
That I am so thankful and blessed to have wonderful people around: family, friends and someone. It amazed me too how some things unfold beautifully at the right moment.

Again, it did hit me when there were days when i was so busy learning all the lesson in school that I have overlooked the little lesson that Life is teaching on me on each passed day. Even in the midst of business or brokenness, I know there is small little thing that makes life sweeter. I am blessed to be given the grace to understand Life, though it may take days, months or years to do so. From now on, I want to savour and treasure every single moment in life with everyone, even in a simple manner, and make them the best time in my life!

'Jab Tak Hai Jaan'

Photo source

This is not a story of courage, its not a story of... miracles!

lts just a simple story of love, undying love that a man had for a woman, unflinching love that a woman had for a man, and unending faith that God had on their love

Love that breaks you, but still keeps you together, love that creates distances, but still brings you closer, love that is true, and forever...and l learnt that, if you have the power to love like that, then God makes sure that your love finds its way

All you have to do is just hang in there and wait... wait for your time

Movie and Me

I had been spending most of my free time watching movie for these past few weeks. It is like A LOT! It is not just about for entertaining or sitting like a boss on the chair, pulling all my sight on the screen, but more than that. Just like reading a book, it brings my mind to a wonderful journey to travel through the various life stories portray in those movie. I am sure there are so many underlying values that we can learn from movie. Like how to go through certain situations, how to handle some things or how to deal with those unbalanced emotions. It provides an insight, a wonderful one if we look into in positively! 

Sometimes, when I am walking down the road, I see many people with diverse appearances. Somehow by seeing them physically, I could predict how their life are. Like how their smiles tell me that something good has just happened to them or the anger shown as if someone has hurt them. Or by simply looking on their attires, it tells me the kind of job they are into or the life struggles they might be facing on that moment. Yes, my interpretations may not be all true but somehow it makes me to ponder, to spend some time to think about the little things in others' life, to build some empathy on the life of others and to come into understanding that some things are like that. This might be because of the 'schemata' built through watching movie. 

We might be stepping on the same ground but the world we are living is different in so many ways. The challenges, the hurdles, and everything in between. But, one thing i am sure about, we are all blessed in so many ways that we could never imagine of. Each of us, regardless of the vague differences, reciprocally complete each other. 

Again, there is no same interpretations of how we come into conclusion through the stories depicted in the movie. Because somehow, even we are agree upon a thing, but the degree of 'agree-ness' may varies.

But yes, movie and me, they click perfectly together!

Someone

Happy Mother's Day!

When i was in my Primary school, my mother saw an old friend and said to me, 'She is one of my friends in high school and now she is a teacher'. I was so little to understand why my mother said so.

When i was in my Secondary school, there was one time my mother suddenly told me, 'When i was at your age, i wanted to be a teacher when i finish my school years'. But, she did not further explain the story.

When i got my interview result for Teacher Training Institute, my mother was constantly reminding me to give my best for it.

When i was accepted to the Teacher Training Institute, my mother was the happiest person.

Now, i understand why.

For some reasons, i am walking down this path for the blessing that comes from my mother. Though she didn't get the chance to be one, but her daughter is. 

Back to 1988, on my parents' wedding day. I am not sure how did my mother feel when she was wearing the bride's gown and saying out her wedding's vow on that day. But I am sure that God has planned a wonderful journey for her as a loving wife and caring mother. Indeed, she is more than that, a blessing!  

Happy Mother's Day dear mother. May God bless you always.

A Thought

I went for my second jog today after one month did not have one, finally! Such a refreshing feeling! I have always love to jog! It is not just for health or to maintain my slimness! But more than that. At times, I love spending time alone, looking at the wide sky, seeing the sun setting, watching the people playing sports, listening to the song of flying birds or simply feeling the warm breeze. What a peaceful feeling! In that calmness, i get myself some time to reflect about life as whole. Thinking about the past events, the things that are happening now and the awaited future moments. For everything, all i could say is 'what a great journey travelled, and yes i can't wait for the next adventures!'

I did spend some time for outings, watching lots of movies, talking randomly and sleeping with no alarm set.  I am savouring and enjoying every moment of it! Yes, i need some breaks after the one month practicum. Listening to some stories on practicum from other friends makes me feel that 'yes, everyone is fighting their own battle, dealing with various challenges'. It was not just the teaching part that makes the tiredness grow but the process of planning and everything. We only have like 10 periods of teaching and given small tasks for this practicum. But when we are in the real world of teaching, we have to take like 28 periods per week and given some big responsibilities along the way. The challenges in physically, mentally and emotionally will be bigger than before. Life must be quite busy then. Sometimes, i wonder if i am able to cope with it. But i believe i could and everyone could too. Now, is the process of learning and training to prepare us for the real challenges. Most importantly, never give up trying and don't loss passion in what you are doing. This is not just happening to us, future educators, but to everyone in whatever profession they are into or going to be in. 

Through days, i learn that the assignments given, the lectures held and the events organised are not just merely there for us as college students. But that is part of the training for everything that lies in the future. Because in later days we are not only to deal with our career but also the people and things around us: family that need to be taken care of, friendship circle that need to be kept, relationship that need to be built or simply making time for ourselves and the lists go down. Having my practicum for one month too makes me feel like 'Oh, this is my working life in the future'. And yes, i was really rarely in contact with everyone. After everything ended, I just had that overflowed feeling of missing everyone. But this is just the earlier stage. There are still lots of things i need to learn and through the process i believe that i will be able to balance everything and everyone will too. 

I don't hope for something bombastic to happen in my life. I just want to live it, savour every moments, even through the difficult and hectic times, with the people around and feel the blessings that God has for me. 

I miss them a lot :')

pagiku cerahku,matahari bersinar
kugendong tas merah ku di pundak
slamat pagi smua ku natikan dirimu
didepan kls mu menantikan kami

guruku tersayang guruku tercinta
tanpamu apa jadiny aku
tak bisa baca tulis mengerti banyak hal
guruku terima kasih ku

nyatanya diriku kadang buat mu marah
namun segala maaf kau berikan

slamat pagi smua ku natikan dirimu
didepan kelas mu menantikan kami

guruku tersayang guruku tercinta
tanpamu apa jadiny aku
tak bisa baca tulis mengerti banyak hal
guruku terima kasih ku

nyata diriku kadang buat mu marah
namun sgala maaf kau berikan

guruku tersayang guruku tercinta
tanpamu apa jadiny aku
tak bisa baca tulis mengerti banyak hal
guruku terima kasih ku

Listening to this song and thinking that there will be no more saying 'Good morning boys and girls' tomorrow saddened me a lot. On the last day, i purposely did not want any of my pupils to cry because with all my heart i could not stand it too if it really happens. I will be in tear too. I tried my best to handle that feeling, to hide the sadness of separation behind those smiles. At one point, i just feel so emotional inside when everyone was looking at me while i was giving my 'last' advices. Of course, it is not that we are not going to meet again like forever. But somehow, between those four weeks of practicum it has formed some kind of strong emotional attachment between me and them. Plus, they are the first group of pupils i am teaching and that what makes them so special to me. There were days when i can't stand their behaviours and i scolded as well as shouted to them. With all my heart, i was so guilty after that. But that is part of the learning process for me. I should handle by emotion carefully. Despite of all the challenges, the ups and downs, the laughs burst, the awkwardness sparked, the happiness shared, i do miss them a lot. I hope they will grow not only in their knowledge but also in their personality and life as whole.

4C & 5A, SK Tabuan, you will be miss :')

Happiest couple

'I won't give up'

Having my practicum now is like a dream turns into reality. Years ago, i saw some seniors went out for practicum and i wandered when would my turn be. And today, it is real, i am teaching my own pupils. And yes, they were still so many things for me to learn and to improve as well as to adapt with this life changing transition. Months ago, we were having our lectures on all the theories in learning but right on this moment, we are out there, applying all the theories into practical. It is really like a 'Dream Come True' feeling. 

After two weeks of practicum, i have seen some of the 'ugly true' in teaching. There were days when i was just so demotivated with things, questioning my ownself, my own ability as teacher. It was just a blurry sight that i think i had almost lost hope. I was wandering if my pupils did learn at least a thing in my class or they were just wasting 30 minutes of their lifetime sitting in my class. But after talking to some friends, it widen my perspectives to view things. It is still at the earlier stage. Lots of mistakes done but it is okay. That is part of the learning process. I can't expect myself to deliver a 'perfect' lesson either as i don't have that much experience. And again, there is no such 'perfect' things where all the pupils will get what is being taught. In fact, life-long learning: there is no stop of learning even if i am into the profession too someday. I have learnt too, that it is okay for the lesson to be the most simplest one at least pupils learnt something and the fun element is there as English is something really foreign to them. To inject the 'love' towards the language might consume a longer time. 

Sometimes, we are focussing more on future investment, saving too much things or money for the future that we forget that life is happening right at this moment. We should invest something for this moment too because when it passed there is no other way for turn back time. With that thought in mind, i have always get myself to be excited and positive everytime i enter the class. Get some exciting activity for the pupils as well as injecting the positive environment for learning. It is okay either for me to spend some money and time to make all the teaching aids, to plan my lesson activity to suit with the pupils or to buy some extra materials. Because i believe with those investments, it will not only give something for the pupils to learn but will make their knowledge one step further for their future benefits. Sometimes, i might be complaining on things but it was just to let go the feeling and to ease the worry. I know after the 'fall' i will rise again and i will always. 

Dear pupils, 'I won't give up'.

Fireproof

"Never leave your partner, especially in a fire."

Happy Practicum !

Nothing beats than seeing the pure joy from the young souls.

I am having my first practicum in SK Tabuan Kuching from 1st of April to 26th April 2013. Will be taking two English classes, 5A & 4C, five periods in each class. Both with almost 40 pupils per class. Wish me all the best!

Hello boys and girls, I am Miss May! Nice to meet you all!

Blessed Good Friday

Months ago, one of my friends said to me why i always 'Thank God' in everything, like every blog post i have written that word. At first, i was not aware of it, but i come to realise it each day. Yes, because the situations that i went through before have taught me to thank God in every state of life, no matter how positive and negative things were. I believe that God must have been preparing me in different situations before, to occupy myself with certain qualities, to enrich myself with various eye opening experiences before i could step on this life position. I believe that with everything that is given to me has something to do with the things around and the people i meet in this stage of life. I believe the same thing happened to everyone too. If not now, you are almost there. 

Happy Good Friday :)

Hey Rooster!

Hey Rooster!

Finally, the show was over. It was great indeed! I know everyone had given their best and most importantly, we enjoyed it so much being in The Rooster family!

I would like to express a heartfelt gratitude to our beloved mummy, Madam Angelia. Such an inspiring woman, she has always been so excited, motivated and determined in everything she does. She teaches us not only for the sake of passing the exam but the knowledge on life as whole. She is not only a producer and director for the drama but a blessing for us. She helps us to explore the different sides of ourselves as well as to discover the beauty in life and to experience so many new brand things like having ourselves on air, being published in the newspaper and even being cheered on stage just like all the actors and actresses. Even people inside and outside of the college are talking about the drama and us! What a strong vibe reflected and  i am sure that not everyone has the chance to be in that position but because of her, we were there. Yes, it saddened me too knowing the fact that she is going to retire soon. I hope she will have a great time enjoying the rest of her lives with loved ones. Once again, thank you Madam Angie! 

To my Tesl siblings, it had been a great room for us to bond and understand each other being in the production. It is not just merely on completing the assignment but a valuable learning process for us to build our profession as future educator. I know it was quite difficult for us to work things out sometimes, we even get into conflicts, reflecting some negative vibes. But i know, at the end of the day, those things are the ones that help us to understand each other more. After all the hard works and hectic times, we deserve a long pleasurable rest and that retreat was the best gateway. I know, it was quite a last minute for me to join but yes i did have a great time though it was just a short one. But i am sure that everyone was having a lot of fun there. I hope we could have another class trip in the future when everyone is able to join and create some great memories together before we graduate. And, I am sure that it will be an awesome one! :)

I would to say thank you so much too to our choristers and the helpers for willingly joining us. We really appreciate your efforts. You guys really help a lot in helping us to complete this assignment. Thank you too our beloved Director for the supports. Not to forget all the lecturers, the teacher trainees and IPBL-ians as whole. We are blessed too to have all the sponsors coming unexpectedly; Secret Recipe, Milo, Scholastic, Uni Bookstore and etc. And to Jennifer Lau, we really have a great time being on air with you the other day, thank you so much! Last but not least, thank you to our parents, friends and everyone for the undying supports. Above all, thank you God for making all these things possible :)

Sleeping puppy!

This is how i feel today!

God I pray

Kejohanan Olahraga 2013 IPBL

I know I got so many things to be completed and submitted in these few hours to go, but i couldn't resist myself to just write short and quick updates on the KOT. 

I am so thankful that everything went well. Everyone was working cooperatively and dedicatedly. I was amazed that things were working so fine and smooth. The lecturers were so happy and feel proud of us. PISMP January 2011, i couldn't pass the thank you word to each of you, but i know that everyone had given their best in the tasks assigned. Not to forget all IPBL-ians, thank you for the supports. 

As usual, i am taking events too! Last minutes decision, but indeed i was satisfy and completely overwhelmed. 'Winning over medals and against other people is good, but winning against yourself is much more better.' True! Amazingly, this time i was actually savouring all the moments while running, seeing how each and everyone whom i passed by never stop supporting along the way and even the crowds were cheering actively! My heart was fascinated! Indeed, that is how life goes! 

Picture with the 'Olahragawan' 2013, the Woody Stick a.k.a TESL sibling, Mr. Wan. He deserves it after months of preparing and practising! Congratulation Wan!

I have seen too some souls whom run with full of determination. Giving their best! That is one of the reasons why i have always love Sports Day. The athletes were awesome! Indeed, the best scene in Sport Day was not on the one who reached the finishing line first but on the one who run at the last place towards the finishing line with full determination. 

Yes, at first I quite worry that things won't run as planned, with all the last minutes preparations. But i have faith in it. Seeing everyone working and things run smoothly on the days were like a miracle. I truly believe that God puts me in certain position to learn from a new angle, to leave some impacts to some souls and for 'real' purposes. Above all, I thank God for everything. :)

I'm so fine!

Breath in, breath out. I'm fine. I'm so fine! :)

Prayer

I pray that everyone will look into this 'hectic' time as an opportunity to learn something, not as a burden. Let spread the positive aura and attitude around. I know it will be sleepless nights for us all. Yet, rather than spending your day with gloomy and tired face, smile, it could make your day and people around you too :)

One Day!

Photo Source

I'm going for this. One day!

The Rooster Who When to His Uncle's Birthday Party

“The Rooster Who Went to His Uncle’s Birthday Party” is a play specifically written for children and the young at heart. The play has its plot taken from an old Cuban tale (retold by Alma Flor Ada) and written into a children’s play by Mdm Angie. We, the TESLians of the Institut Pendidikan Guru Kampus Batu Lintang are proud to bring this play to life. Follow us on our journey with the Rooster to his Uncle’s birthday party. Join us for the play AND the party on 23 March 2013 at 9.00 a.m.; at the Tun Ahmad Zaidi Adruce Auditorium, IPG Kampus Batu Lintang, Kuching.

Becoming a teacher: A blessing!

Every profession is 'special' in its own way. Yet, it depends greatly on one of how he wants to set the degree of specialness.

Why being a future educator is so special for me? Because a teacher is a life saver of someone's entire life. The impact, no matter small or big, that teacher brings to the class could jeopardize one's future or could turn him into a great person one day!

Studying in teacher institute is not just merely of passing the examination, or scoring the highest pointer, or joining activities around campus, or having fun with course mates, or performing in an event, or staying up the whole night just to finish assignment. It is more than that. It is a process to prepare me for the real challenges in the career that i have chosen.

I don't want to graduate with just an excellent achievement in degree course, but i want to graduate with a smile on my lip and satisfied heart seeing back all the journey that i have travelled for years which has turned me to be my 'real' self. I don't want to graduate just as a knowledgeable teacher in my major field, but with the heart to share the knowledge I have with others. I don't want to graduate with just a title as 'Teacher' in my hand, but I want to stand with the title as a passionate teacher. Because the road that i am going to travel later is a long one, and just merely graduating might fade away the 'spirit' in myself. Studying for five and the half years is a room for me to build that endless passion as a teacher who don't only teach and educate but also inspire the heart of young generations. 

Being in college for five and the half years is a great opportunity for me to explore the different sides of myself through the activities, even the simple one, that are held. The assignment given every semester is not for me to just complete it, but it is a medium for me to improve and do better than the previous one. The events held are not just for me to join and enjoy but also a great paradise for me to discover the talents in myself. Maybe, some prefer to travel the journey in just a simple manner. As long as they pass, as long as they graduate, it would be okay. Yes, I do agree that simplicity is the best. But won't it be great to travel on the up and down path, on the challenging road, just like riding a roller coaster which bring a heart pounding excitement! 

Being a TESL student at first was something that my heart don't favour at all. Too hard to cope, especially when doing things that is not for your heart or something that you are not good at. But looking back the journey that i have travelled so far, it is more than worth. I am walking down this path for various 'real' reasons. Not just to be good at what i am not good at, not just to love at one I don't, but to be the 'blessings' for others that I met and going to meet along the way. There are many paths that i have travelled, some bring me to the down side, some to the up side, but i have no regret travelling on it. Because if i haven't taken some paths that are so different from others, i won't reach at this stage of life, and i won't meet the people in this position of life. But i have and i never regret it. 

In this stage of life, with the good and bad things, with the positives and negatives auras, with the up and down feelings, i still and always feel blessed. Indeed, God's plan is greater than i know. 

Becoming a teacher is not just a special call for me, but a blessing! :)
It is a long way to go, but i am sure i am able to go through it with God's grace.