2016 update!

Hello.

So I didn't write anything for the passed months this year and realising the the clock almost tick on the last month this year. How was life? Great as always!

I am glad to the fact that I am still here. Surrounded by people I love. Great job. Lovely kids and everything that just come in between. I wish that I had spent more time on engraving those moments that I have had, but that is okay. Everything is well recorded in my Instagram and Facebook I guess. Still, I miss writing. 

This year, I am just thankful for everything. It is like all the courses are running smoothly and God really keeps me in a great pace. Blessing. 

Milestones. I did achieve some. 

I got myself cling to fitness this early year and lose some kilos. People are talking about it to. That motivate me a lot. And most importantly, I joined runs. I ran for half marathon in my best time. I and had that constant jog stamina. Yet, I am running out of pace these days. I hope I could be back to track as soon as possible. And 1 reason to lose weight effectively in to lower the sugar intake. If possible, don't take it at all. I usually just order a warm Chinese Teh Ping or hot Teh O. Unless I am not in that good mood, you will see Coke by my side.

I went for travelling. Yes, it was an impromptu decision to. But still best things ever happened. Cause that was the time when I get to put away all the unpleasant feelings. I went to Jakarta and Bandung with my colleague. Achievement unlocked!

I bought some *expensive (I would say) for myself. But again when I think about it, nothing to regret. Because I am aiming on living the moment productively and rewarding myself with those things help me to get engage with my task with quality. You know in life you gotta set some standard to yourself and work up to it. Anyway, it helps me to live the moment. 

Work. Not my favourite word but the KIDS. I am in deep love with them all. That is one of the reasons why I love my job so much. I see the growth and progress every day. I got the chance to share and motivate them. Though I am not that motivated all the times. There were days when I have to deal with the parents too. But thankfully up to now nothing serious comes up. And surprisingly, almost everyone is on our side. Kids, we have so much more to do. Let's make more memories!

Lastly, I met him. Yes, we met! 

I am just thankful, blessed with everything. Family, friends, colleagues, everyone and you!

But something that keep me down recently is to the fact that Gary has left Running Man. It feels like part of me are tearing too. No more Monday Couple and Gary. You know that when you are a fan of Running Man, you will get that grieving feeling inside. But that is life. It makes me ponder on things too. Life is like that. Somehow someone or anyone will be leaving though the journey has not ended yet. All the best, Gary oppa!

The day

There is a day when it gets just so tiring of repeating the same things over and over again. The day when it gets too much that it doesn't give out any feeling anymore. For the time being, let just treasure the best we could. Dear young hearts, you'll always the special ones. I don't want to just get through the day. But I would want us to make the best out of each moment. And I know, it is a cyclic feeling. They will come and go but the moments and memories will stay forever.

Those anticipated moments

When I was in my primary and secondary schools, I was in blue sports team. I guess, that was a kind of sign for the things that is happening now. Teaching year 4 Tun Hussein, who are in the blue sport team too, sparks an unforgettable experience that touches the deepest part of the soul.  

One of the most anticipated things in school is my pupils, or better pronounce as my former pupils. I just don't know why I always have this strong feeling inside towards them. Perhaps, those three months together engraved so much memories. I won't deny it that there were days when things were so bitter that I couldn't hold my tears any more, if I could, I would want to just get over with everything that moment, but my heart doesn't want to give them up. I remember some of the first moments together which was on the 'Sorry Party'. I am totally in awe of how they managed to get it done. That was the first time when I failed to hold on myself that I just burst out of the class when the lesson ended and didn't talk to any of them. I knew that was so immature sulking act ever. But things were directed in the other way around and it touched my heart a lot. They came out with a plan to throw a party for me. They even had the floor plan which was photocopied for all the class members. They collected money and bought boxes of KFC. They made a banner, arranged themselves in rows, asked me to stand outside of the class and waited for the surprises behind the door and all sorts of things to ensure the party will be a success. That day, I was speechless, feel awkward, and in total awe. And that was the day when I just feel that they are more than the special ones for me. I might not talk or close to all of them, but I am assure that we have that strong feeling inside. Every now and then, they always brighten the days especially in this toughest month and those coming ones. I guess all of us, the final semester trainees will have that feeling of being overloaded inside. But just a simple greeting and smile from the young ones, it breaks through everything. And I couldn't deny that I miss them all a little bit more each day.

For the 3 weeks left with them, I just want to treasure and cherish everything. They will always be the special ones in my heart for when I look back at our memories, my heart smiles. 

Hi!

It has been a while since I have been an active blogger. Perhaps, I have been hibernated from blogging for some time and it seems that I couldn't really get everything updated. Well, this will be quite a long post of how life has been so far. 

I will be starting my final semester in few days for my degree year. Oh dear, I didn't really realise how time flies so fast. On the first day of receiving the offer itself, I don't have that clear idea of how the 5 and the half years are going to turn into. But this is it. 5 years and it passed just like that. Perhaps, it may not turn into what my heart wishes the most, but it is what God has in store for me. For that is the one sole reason that keep me going up to now. At some points, I am fully amazed of how things work on and never thought that I am going to end to some positions in life. Some are just heartbreaking, yes it was. Some are just unbearable, but God makes it bearable for me. Looking into everything, I am in awe. So here it goes, the 5 and the half journey has almost come to an end. I hope nothing but to cherish ever moment. 

Student life has been great and yes I am going to miss it so much later. But there is always a little wish inside me of wanting to go through a Uni life as life in IPG now is almost like the normal school life, even we got the same holiday terms scheduled. Perhaps, one day I will go for it. Next year if everything goes according to plan, I will be teaching in my own school. How does it feel? Of course I'm fully excited! I don't know why some just have this misconception about teaching profession for the obvious bonus we got; high pay and long holiday. Yes, that is rewarding enough for a young adult who has just started his/her career. But I am sure that each soul called teacher always has that fulfilment seeing the pupils succeed in everything they do, not just being intellectually competence but develop positively in their personality, talents and other soft skills. To make every young ones to realise their potential and soar higher. I always have that feeling every time when I walk and wonder down the street, that how am I going to fit each and everyone of my pupil in this society, how much impacts could I give to them so that they know their roles in the community. As the impacts that I carry to them could save their whole life or put them into stake. But not all days are going good either, at some points I may find myself mourning inside for the failures caused to the little ones. That's is life. Up and down.

Holiday has been so full though there were times when I found myself doing nothing. But being surrounded by the homey environment, it makes the heart feels good. Good is enough. Yet, there are times when I just feel insecure here. I don't know why but I just don't feel safe at time especially on the raising unwanted cases recently. Need to keep myself alert all the times. I have been going out a lot too, hanging around with friends and of course playing around with cousins, and the highlight; I cut my hair short and this time I just don't regret it at all, but not sure later. Well yes, I really have to cut it short for the weather here is just intolerable. At a point I thought I was sick for sweating so much though the fan is fully functioning, but I was wrong for my aunts told the same thing too. Okay, I am just a normal one. 

Perhaps, I won't be able to record every little things going on in life for the time being. Life next semester will be very busy. I have decided to go for things that I never try before and challenge myself to where I am able to soar. If I fail, it is still good because I know the process itself is rewarding. At least I try. And if there are days when I just feel so drain inside I will challenge myself to at least smile knowing that life is good. I will fully embrace the experience and the learning process and give my best in everything. So challenge accepted, lets do this! ;)

Lastly, I hope that I won't be forgetting the on basic things even if life is drowning me away. Dear people, lets remind each other. Smile and enjoy the ride!

I'll trust in You

There are things that are just kept between some souls. Some that just break the hearts for countless times. Some that just flash unpleasant scents. Some that hit into the deepest edge of the soul. But they are part of the things that made to who I am today. My heart chooses to acknowledge it presence because I know that when I was there, I was smiling. Some things are just meant to be in that way. So let it be. At some points, it gets me discourage a little yet I know that life is to move on, He knows the best and I trust everything in Him :')

Coming home, soon!

So, it has been a while and really a while! Well, I'm officially 'running' towards the end line of my 7th semester, one more to nail and I'm absolutely done with it! Yeah, I'm finishing everything, on time which is totally freaking awesome, but it gets me little emotional day by day. Even moving out of my 5 years room, it gets my heart teary inside. But after all, we are staying in a new hostel block which is 3x times bigger than the old one, furnished with pairs of beds, closets and desks, attached with bathroom and most importantly, we get to sleep like a princess with cold breeze, air conditioner! Okay, that was not the main point I would like to emphasize, it is just that everything is getting me so emotional inside! But yeah, just LET it go!

The 7th semester has been great as always, which sometimes I found my self up there smiling for no reason because life is just so so so great! and other time soaking myself with ocean of tiredness, frustrations and sorrow. But that is one of the best thing in life as a final year student I guess! Having those inconsistent mix feelings, a once in a lifetime experience! Like staying up late and try not to look like a zombie in the next day, though it fails! Sometimes, just let the heart see where the experience will bring it, and if you have the heart for something just go for it! Just be bold with things, get drenched out and after that, reward yourself with something good, like food! The main compliment I always award myself which in turn I gain some kilos!

 

Anyway, I'm coming back home soon, and for something big! *wink* may everything be well, and please do! Aims for the holiday before nailing down my final semester: going for a road trip with the loveliest, 'fooling' around with my little cousins, getting a new haircut and a MUST one, diet! Hope it gives me enough energy to get this through!

a MUST

I miss those time when I just have to lie down comfortably with nothing to worry, when I just have to sit and let my mind articulates the words written on every page of my favourite novel, when I just let my eyes wonder around and enjoy every scenery around, when I just have to breath in and out. It is not that I am not going to have those moments like forever, but it is just not now. Sometimes, I was rushing on things, my mind can't just stop admiring those piles of loads, dashing here and there, indulging into so much works that in between I lost myself. But that is how reality goes. This is just a phase in life, maybe on the next phase I might get drawn into everything. Yeah, I should comfort my thought that life is a sweet rose and I have to enjoy everything in between. Yet, I should not do so if it is not really so. That sometimes it is okay to see everything is breaking and none is making sense. But to be grateful and appreciative in the midst of chaos, though that may sound totally challenging and impossible to do, is a MUST. Dear heart, let us survive this. One day, we'll be the unbreakable one.

Feel like a poet

Time seems to flow so fast in this practicum season. Days could be like repetitive chores. Sometimes it goes so well that my heart is full of joy. But there are times when I just feel like hiding under the pillow forever. The mental struggles get tough every day. Trying my best to cope in all the situations, stop where I should, hold on if I have to. 

Reminding myself that this is a crucial stage, not to give my heart up at all though the bullets just seem not to stop showering down. It is the final sprint for most of us but that does not mean that the finishing line is the only sole target. But in between, treasure the moments with those people who are running with you and those audiences who are cheering for you. It is amazing how little situation in life, depict the real scenario in life. Running does not exist physically during the sport day but emotionally and mentally in life's sprint. I hope everyone is doing great in all the things they are pursuing into. 

At time, when the heart feels like giving up and losing hope, remind the soul to take one step back and rest a little. Build the energy and courage to step forward again. Life is not a running track but a beautiful path to be enjoyed and savoured, that in each little step there are moments to be remembered,  there are memories that are to be treasured for a lifetime.

*The day when I feel like a poet and decide to look life in a figurative side. 

Be strong, be bold

2013, it is a year when I started to do lots of reflections on my own, and with others. Talked with friends how the life transits, how the future gonna be, how a new circle of network is formed, how certain occurrence affects the way we perceive things, how memories from the past burst out laughters or shed  tears. Met new people and made friends. Stepped on foreign land and learn the cultures there. Know how the life transits in other places. Get into nerve-wreaking situations. Almost drawn myself. Thought of giving up when failures knock me down. Challenge myself to do things that I never try. Sat beside strangers and commenced random conversation. Made up tough decisions. Found the mate of my soul. Survived the miles.  And in everything, contemplating on lots of things.

One thing that might highlight the year is the reflection on human relationship. It is not a core subject learnt, but a major taught by Life. Sometimes, relationship gets so complicated. I couldn't understand it either even until now. Rejection and acceptance. Everyone has their on way of perceiving things, that what one said may be interpreted differently by others. To mouth out something is not to proclaim how 'right' one is and I didn't wish for everyone to follow my lead too. Any relationship, there are always challenges that come through it. It depends on each individual how to walk through it. And this major, it will take me a lifetime to understand it as I will meet more people and blend into new circumstances ahead.

Sometimes I'm wandering, what is it really to live a life? To be educated, to be famous, to get the top of everything, to travel everywhere, to make more friends, to sit and observe others, to establish in career, to start a family, to challenge self,  to eat, to attend events and the lists go on. Is it really necessary for one to be fully accepted by everyone, to change self just to fit in with others. Is it right to agree upon everything we hear, see and  read. Something that I couldn't understand either. It thirsts my soul to constantly seeking for the answer by seeing others, going places, witness events.

2014, I will learn to be bold; not afraid of taking risk and making decision. Learning that not everyone will put up hand for you and that is okay. Knowing that some hearts may get annoy just because you do things differently. Understanding that there might be unexpected things bloomed no matter how wise the decision made. Keeping self low, no matter where the grounds will be. Ready to always learn from others, because there are times that you will feel rejections and have to put on that sour face. And that is okay to portray such emotion as that is normal in human nature. Bearing in mind that there will always others who will judge the way you bring yourself and just let them be, because I hold no power to stop them, but to control the way I react and look into it positively. Though to be positive is just so difficult when everything seems to pull you down. But that is part of the learning process.

I guess this year will be lots of mental struggle, not just on the workloads but the relationship with others, the situations faced and the circumstances around. No matter what, dear heart be strong, be bold.

New term with new terms

Attending lectures for just few sessions in these few days bombed me with lots of new terms. Last time, we use to just do thing with the structure given, looking for information, trying to rephrasing in the most simplest manner, and presenting those idea for everyone to digest. But in this new term, you gotta use the mind productively. Deep thinking, deep research. Loading more input for your world, eyes, experiences. Taking into consideration of so many viewpoints, making justifications to which extend to agree and disagree. Weighing things out, digesting and absorbing all the abstract assumptions. Learning that there is no right or wrong ones, just how logic or creative you are in putting things together. Honestly, it was a kind of 'shock' to the mind. 

Though it feels like burdening the thought with so much new terms, but still I'm falling in deep love for the subjects. Very interesting, eye opening, insightful and of course inspiring for the heart and soul. After all those years, I am here, interpreting and analysing words NOT numbers. Dealing with language was one of the hardest things that my mind had once experienced, but now I am slowly adapting to it. Which make sense of the the notion that was exposed today: we couldn't be focussing on building up the strengths only, but also to look into what is deficient and find ways to improve it. Trying to strike balance in everything. Not intend to be a perfect one, but to learn, grow, develop as much as we could in every aspect. That could be one of the strong justifications of why I am walking down the path. 

With this new term, I hope I could get myself blend with the new terms too! 

2014 updates!

Hi!

So here I am again, doodling and rambling on things. I am back to IPG and you gotta believe it that this is my  final year! Finally, after all the sweats and inks poured, I am here standing as a final year student! 

Again, I haven't been writing so much about the holiday, the must tell Christmas story, the New Year celebration and of course the resolutions! As everyone ages up, the way they look, perceive and idealise on things change from time to time. That once, wishing everyone on a festive day through text message is a norm, but in the era of Facebook, tagging will spread the wish much more easier. The same go to other things. The way of how we carry things out will be different from year to year, and it is okay to be that. Won't it be good for everyone to change for the better version of themselves? In short, I just want this year to be a productive one, giving the best in everything that I am venturing into, and discover as much as I can even if the road is paved in such that it brings the heart pounding feeling of riding on the coaster. 

I have change the URL of my blog, which is now officially become - frecyllamay.blogspot.com., the title to 'Blessings in my Life' and the most obvious is my header photo. 10 pictures of my edited-own-self that depict the life I am in, though they are not able to precisely describe every single detail about me, but it gives you some idea on who I am. Again, my smiles, those symbolise the virtual greetings for you from me! Every change is to get the site more into personal look of me. This year, I promise to blog more!

Talking about this semester, we only have two subjects and 3 months of standing in front of 30-40 pairs of eyes moments. One of the subjects will be on Action Research, major paper. Honestly, I am curious and scared at the same time of imagining how would the sail be. I hope I could get the right direction of which way to head. Only two subjects? Yup, I have ample of time to have fun, being lazy and a loyal sleepy head! Still, I will force myself to be a productive soul. 

In 3 weeks time will be my third teaching practice, 3 months! This time, I hope that I could elicit and deliver as much as I could. Even though still standing at the inexperience level, but I will try my best to build great rapport with the kids as well as providing opportunities for them discover their own potentials and at the same time trigger their self-learning and self-discovering sides. I know that sounds so much of ambitious, heavy and what the what? Pointing this out is not just merely constructed sentence or disseminating some kind of educational philosophies. But something that come from inside, to realise that the joy of teaching do not come from the grade you get from the mentors, or the praises of how well you did in front of the class but the small little matters that come from the pupils. The joy that they experience from learning, the happiness portray when they are able to do something, the smiles of getting their efforts praised and so on. For this phase, I will give myself as much chance to learn and discover the 'pearl' of teaching too.

In 2014, I get to read and know that most of us want something new, something better and something great for our life. More happiness, lively life, great health, success, wealth and the lists go on. In my own age group, some have started to settle down with career. I love knowing about their stories of working life and actually couldn't wait from my turn too! I believe that everyone has special part and role in building the nation. No matter which profession you are, you could make a difference, carry impact and get people inspired!

Again, before the speech ends, I am not in favour for the road to be easy or sweet all the times. Let it be a challenging one, for I know that He is always in control of things, through the uncertainty and unpredictable journey. It is not just to feel thankful and blessed for the good times but to have faith that during the tough time, He wants us there for purposes and reasons. 

Lastly, I hope and wish everyone to have another great year!

The Journey

Promising to self to blog more this holiday but it was a fail. Maybe, I am not in that mood to write anything down. As holiday has almost come to an end, I decide to stay away from connecting with the Net. Spending more time on lively activities or just pondering my surrounding area. Getting to know, learn and understand how things work out,  how events carry the rippled effects and how people idealise their life. Weeks ago, few big rocks bumped into me, figuratively. At first, I thought that it was the end, but the story still need a continuation. Came another one which almost sunk me down and ripped the whole thing out. This time, I saw blank. I just felt like hiding under the blanket forever. But God triggers me. It was not the finishing line but the starting of another chapter.

As I age up, I realise that I am making so much assumptions, thinking and figuring on all the events in life. It is not just merely crowning one as a champion or a failure but it is a real, planned JOURNEY to be travelled. Regardless of all the things that happened, it gives me more opportunities to carry out new 'missions', commence conversations with those unknowns and experience the difference emotional states. True, that life can be 'suck' at time. There are people out there who will treat you the way you never expect, who will take you for granted, who want to show you that they hold the power to make you feel tiny. Still, there are many who own big hearts, who will give you opportunity to strive, who unconsciously share their stories to light you up and so on. Through everything, I learn that, no matter what the result is,  do acknowledge it because it is journey to be travelled, even when it goes to the downhill. I promise you that there is always light of hope at the end of the dark tunnel if you never give up hope. The reasons might not be unveil soon, but perhaps years later. 

Maybe, the road that I am going to travel later is a hilly one, and that is one of the reasons why I had been put into that situation. The experience gained from that journey, I will embrace it in my heart forever. 

What if...

Each soul must have ponder the same phrase, each day, each moment in life. I have been thinking the same too. Sometimes, I have so much positive vibes inside that I always describe life as GREAT! And I'm wandering if that word really precisely pointing on all the things that are happening, or am I just being positive with everything, pretending that life is really just great, or it is just a comforting word to tell everyone that I am happy enough with everything. The transition of life has been so fast at some times, and flows slowly at times. In between I found myself contemplating for so many times with big 'What if' accompanying each thought. There are just so much things that is unsure, unpredictable and incomprehensible. That one small thing happened could bring so much effects to the things around. Some just break my heart a lot. I thought that with all the exposures and experiences gained could make me strong enough to stand everything. But I was wrong. It is not just about achieving things, but to learn and realise the lesson tagged in each moment. 

For each fall back, I believe that it is a golden moment for me to reflect back everything. I couldn't just move  forward without analysing the surrounding. It is not just about being contented but to feel blessed for whatever states of life that overtake us, knowing that He is in control and letting Him works things out. To detach some feelings, pains and wounds are not easy, but it is a worth experience to shape, strengthen and heal the mind, heart and soul. Even if the road is just unsure, I will keep on walking and putting everything wholeheartedly in His hands.

LIFE: 'Subjective'

For all the things that happened or are happening, I have grown so much and I believe everyone does too.

Through the days, months and years, I come to learn that LIFE is SUBJECTIVE. That everyone has their own definitions and versions of it. We might discover the same things and facts in life but the degree of what kind of judgement we put into it are vaguely big, HUGE! 

And the clinche-ly quote always goes 'Don't judge, don't judge, and don't judge!' but the real fact is that people judge all the time, ALL THE TIME! 

For me that is okay! and I would be happy enough knowing that everyone is judging even though sometime it hurts. Why so? Because we couldn't run from not judging others. Why do we learn all and memorize all the Mathematics formula once upon a time: it is no other reason than to make your brain keep on calculating, thinking, analyzing, making the wise decision and be more critical! Which in short: use your brain productively! Just because we learn all the formulas, that doesn't mean that we need to encounter them literally on daily basis, but the implicit skills learnt through the process are the ones should be highlighted. 

I am not practising favouritism of proving everyone how useful the subject is just because I am a number lover. The underlying things that I would like to surface is the reason why people keep on judging and it is okay to do so. 

At some points, we might not realise that actually people do judge but the judgement made met with the expectation that we goal for, and in turn it becomes a compliment for us, a reasonable justification. 

But when it is the negative outcomes, the war starts! All in all, it always depends on an individual how he deals with the situations. Because everything that comes out is a great lesson if we look into it positively. At some points, we have to dare to stand no matter what are against us. Learn to step out from the comfort zone, trust your own opinions and be brave enough to walk on the road not taken. 

For all the things that happened along the way, which some make my faith shakeable, I am still feel grateful because it leads to where I am now, the ultimate blessed state and it is a testimony of how great God's love is.

P/S In case people are judging you next time, let them do it. As life is SUBJECTIVE, you define your own stance! ;)

'A Letter from Heaven'

Dear God, grant peace in their souls. RIP. 

Miles Apart

I never thought that my days in SMESH will be filled with wonderful memories which is a lifetime lasting. Not just about the memories, but the people I met, knew and connect with! Being together, as a group, or perhaps like a 'gang' has no intention to create any gang-up culture. Yet, the friendship among the 11 of us is unconsciously built but intended by Him. He has reasons for putting each of us on the line, regardless of the time of meeting. And yes, so much cherish-able memories created in those years until this moment.

 4th - 7th Nov 2007 marks the first trip we made through together (excluding Jenny and Nancy). It has been 6 years since then. I miss those moment! Honesty, I have no idea that I am going to meet such wonderful company which are more than friends, they are like sisters! I miss those days spent together, telling dramatic stories, laughing, shedding tears, eating, singing, dancing, portraying some so-called-teens-crimes and the lists go endlessly. I couldn't write everything descriptively because it will take forever. High school days, they always remain me of good old times, memories created that are imperishable. 

Though we are now stepping on different ground, get rarely in contact or meet, but still the bond is strong, so strong! And sometimes, I thought that we could read each others' minds that at the point of breaking, some of them will show up at that exact moment. God must have created us in such away that even we are miles away, we are inseparable and unbreakable. It is not just about being understanding or accepting each other flaws but more than that. Most of the time, it is putting up with each other, the good and the bad, the right and the wrong, the best and the worst. Yet, just because we look perfect together doesn't mean we never experienced conflicts, we did and so many of them. But the blessings that come together with the friendship are strong enough to win against the all odds.

Though we are miles apart, but we are close at heart. On one fine day, we shall get together and drunken ourselves with the best friendship's toasts ever!

Sayings

“I’ve come to believe that each of us has a personal calling that’s as unique as a fingerprint – and that the best way to succeed is to discover what you love and then find a way to offer it to others in the form of service, working hard, and also allowing the energy of the universe to lead you.” 

Oprah Winfrey

"Too often in life, something happens and we blame other people for us not being happy or satisfied or fulfilled. So the point is, we all have choices, and we make the choice to accept people or situations or to not accept situations."
Tom Brady

“I always did something I was a little not ready to do. I think that’s how you grow. When there’s that moment of ‘Wow, I’m not really sure I can do this,’ and you push through those moments, that’s when you have a breakthrough.”
Marissa Mayer

'Have Faith'

One of my nurtured habits since I was a little girl is keeping a record, or maybe it is better pronounce as a 'diary' kind of things. From the previous post I had written years back, I started to keep the 'diary' when  I was in primary 5, which I guess most girls did too. When I entered SMESH, those habits became less day by day, means not a kind of everyday routine any more. But one thing I love to do is making cards for birthdays or friendship days or anything that similar to it. I guess I made a lot of them and received a lot too! I did also become so loyal writer of those received text messages! Everything is well kept until now. When I entered IPG, I am not really into those stuffs anymore, perhaps maybe because getting too much connected with everyone through Facebook and Twitter. Blog is the only place where some memories are recorded down and that is one of the reasons why I am still active with blogging, not just to pour the emotions out but also as a form of so called 'digital diary'. Yet, I always tell myself that 'thou shall not share everything with the world, there are some things that should be kept inside until the right time comes or perhaps just specifically known by some close souls'. The theme in writing varies through the years. Some might be on memories, plain posts, greetings, wishes, or perhaps the unstable emotions portrays on certain life events! 

Reading back everything always shower me with good memories. Just like listening to old songs which always makes the heart warms with smiles and laughters! It makes me to see how the life is transiting, so fast at times! Some days in the past, I never thought that I may end on some positions on this time of life. A little girl who sat at the back of the class who never had any idea that she will be wearing a pair of spectacles someday. A little girl who used to run freely down the road with childhood friends who never had any idea that someday she will be confining herself with more wonderful and amazing friends! A little girl who was paying attention to the teacher in front who never had any idea that someday she will be the one who is standing in front. Indeed, life is just so great!

Yet, doesn't mean that everything looks great depict that I never gone to any bitter situation. I have been there, many times, and I believe that everyone has their meltdown points too. But most importantly, we survive from it. Even though some things will just never be understood why it happened on the very first place because they are just not meant to be understood at all. Perhaps, unconsciously, the impacts of those non-understood kind of situation is for the souls around us, and God is using us to complete the circumstances. There were days when everything was just so wrong. Yet, I come to believe that there are experiences that God wants me to have to prepare me for the future that He holds for me. 

Through years, one big lesson that I have come to realise is to learn to have faith, even on the slightest things or when there seems just no way out to be found. Yes, there are days when I have forgotten why I have to stand here, why some things just don't happen the way I plan and why it is me. By reaching out for others, it always makes me ease. Reaching out not just in the form of saying things directly or being comforted on shoulder, but by just reading some words written or stepping out of the door and seeing the life of others. To learn to have faith is a process itself, some days we might fail to do it but never lose hope. Yes, saying 'have faith' to others is a kind of clinches because the phrase is not deeply live. To have faith come from one's experiences, it is a long process and the self needs to define it on their owns. 

Keep doing my best!

Reading my old posts is like tapping on the old memories. What a great life transition! It really amazed me how some things unfold through years, and truly God is working things for me and for everyone too. There were points in life that I was just unaware that I will end up to this position one day. And yes, I am glad to walk down the path. The journey, ups and downs, has been incredibly exciting! There may be some things that I am unable to fully comprehend it, but one thing for sure I'm going to keep doing my best!

May God bless each and everyone of us. Lets pray for the best! ;)

The Breaks

I have so much to write, but so little mood to do so. But today, I MUST write!

Two weeks of holiday had passed with every little wonderful moment filling the gaps in between. 

What I love the most in this holiday is that I went to Ranau, which mean I did pass by Bundu Tuhan and Kundasang, breathtaking places! Though we were stuck like almost 4 hours on the way from Kundasang to Ranau, which it was supposed to be less than half an hour drive. Still, it was great to meet cousins and relatives from far. 

I met my childhood playmates too after almost 15 years! And one of them is married now and we met in her wedding reception. It did strike me a while when my grandma said that these day it is quite difficult for us to visit the relatives 'songgiro poh mongoi piruba, aiso no dii pagantakan' (okay, this is my own Dusun version). Indeed, the world is so busy nowadays, that sometimes we do not even have time to say hello to our own far away relatives or friends. So, if there are events held with holidays in between, we should always grab that opportunity to attend, meet and get to know relatives/friends.

My mother and I did also join the volunteers team for 'Sukan Sabah (SAGA) VI' under DBKK. Though at the very first place, I did not plan to join either because I just feel to be home and do nothing but it was too late to back off. Yet, it was a great experiences! I met lot of new people from various part of Sabah, with the different personalities and attitudes they exhibit. I did also make an attempt to serve the food just like the people in my Secondary school's dining hall, though that was not part of the job. I am sure that someday, I will be part of this big event again, not as a volunteer but perhaps from the school community. I might have to bring my own pupils to participate in one of those sport events. Apart from that, I did meet some old friends, see wonderful fireworks colouring the dark sky and experience live performances from the Sabahan's artists. Yes, it was tiring and I got to eat a lot! OMO!

The rest of my time was spent at home: doing cleaning up, arranging my wardrobe, watching movies, updating myself with FB's events, having Zumba session with my mother, playing around with little Amber, cooking for the whole family, reading books, singing karaoke with my little sister or alone!, having small celebration for my mother's birthday, driving aimlessly around the residential area or just sitting alone like a princess! I did go for outings too: hunting for books which I did get one for myself, meeting some friends, seeing the beauty pageants walking on  stage during the Giant's Kaamatan Day and the lists go on. Okay, I know I am writing every single things I did! O my me!

But yes, I love writing things out. That is part of way to record the memories and  the feelings. At least, one day when I read my old posts, that 'One day me' will say, 'Oh, I had been there before, wonderful!'. 

I have been doing so much of reflective thoughts too, I guess, after reading some thought provoking novels and watching inspiring movies: 

That sometimes, we are so busy growing up until we forget that our parents, grandparents and  everyone are growing old too. When we have the opportunity, do spend little time with them at least. Treasure the moments.

That some little things that could bring joy is forgotten. After going through tiring days, ourself needs a little break and there is nothing wrong just to sit down and  do nothing at one point of your life. Perhaps spend the time with the things you love the most, by yourself or with people you love. 

That in this world, we all have different ways of viewing things and we can't expect people to act they way we want. When people are showing their 'true' colour it is a good sign actually that we are knowing them more. Sometimes, we don't need to fit with them, but just accept them the way they are. 

That in every struggles, there is a purpose and great lessons tagged along. When life is turning its way around, it is not wrong to humbly ask for help from others.
That I am so thankful and blessed to have wonderful people around: family, friends and someone. It amazed me too how some things unfold beautifully at the right moment.

Again, it did hit me when there were days when i was so busy learning all the lesson in school that I have overlooked the little lesson that Life is teaching on me on each passed day. Even in the midst of business or brokenness, I know there is small little thing that makes life sweeter. I am blessed to be given the grace to understand Life, though it may take days, months or years to do so. From now on, I want to savour and treasure every single moment in life with everyone, even in a simple manner, and make them the best time in my life!