Be strong, be bold

2013, it is a year when I started to do lots of reflections on my own, and with others. Talked with friends how the life transits, how the future gonna be, how a new circle of network is formed, how certain occurrence affects the way we perceive things, how memories from the past burst out laughters or shed  tears. Met new people and made friends. Stepped on foreign land and learn the cultures there. Know how the life transits in other places. Get into nerve-wreaking situations. Almost drawn myself. Thought of giving up when failures knock me down. Challenge myself to do things that I never try. Sat beside strangers and commenced random conversation. Made up tough decisions. Found the mate of my soul. Survived the miles.  And in everything, contemplating on lots of things.

One thing that might highlight the year is the reflection on human relationship. It is not a core subject learnt, but a major taught by Life. Sometimes, relationship gets so complicated. I couldn't understand it either even until now. Rejection and acceptance. Everyone has their on way of perceiving things, that what one said may be interpreted differently by others. To mouth out something is not to proclaim how 'right' one is and I didn't wish for everyone to follow my lead too. Any relationship, there are always challenges that come through it. It depends on each individual how to walk through it. And this major, it will take me a lifetime to understand it as I will meet more people and blend into new circumstances ahead.

Sometimes I'm wandering, what is it really to live a life? To be educated, to be famous, to get the top of everything, to travel everywhere, to make more friends, to sit and observe others, to establish in career, to start a family, to challenge self,  to eat, to attend events and the lists go on. Is it really necessary for one to be fully accepted by everyone, to change self just to fit in with others. Is it right to agree upon everything we hear, see and  read. Something that I couldn't understand either. It thirsts my soul to constantly seeking for the answer by seeing others, going places, witness events.

2014, I will learn to be bold; not afraid of taking risk and making decision. Learning that not everyone will put up hand for you and that is okay. Knowing that some hearts may get annoy just because you do things differently. Understanding that there might be unexpected things bloomed no matter how wise the decision made. Keeping self low, no matter where the grounds will be. Ready to always learn from others, because there are times that you will feel rejections and have to put on that sour face. And that is okay to portray such emotion as that is normal in human nature. Bearing in mind that there will always others who will judge the way you bring yourself and just let them be, because I hold no power to stop them, but to control the way I react and look into it positively. Though to be positive is just so difficult when everything seems to pull you down. But that is part of the learning process.

I guess this year will be lots of mental struggle, not just on the workloads but the relationship with others, the situations faced and the circumstances around. No matter what, dear heart be strong, be bold.

New term with new terms

Attending lectures for just few sessions in these few days bombed me with lots of new terms. Last time, we use to just do thing with the structure given, looking for information, trying to rephrasing in the most simplest manner, and presenting those idea for everyone to digest. But in this new term, you gotta use the mind productively. Deep thinking, deep research. Loading more input for your world, eyes, experiences. Taking into consideration of so many viewpoints, making justifications to which extend to agree and disagree. Weighing things out, digesting and absorbing all the abstract assumptions. Learning that there is no right or wrong ones, just how logic or creative you are in putting things together. Honestly, it was a kind of 'shock' to the mind. 

Though it feels like burdening the thought with so much new terms, but still I'm falling in deep love for the subjects. Very interesting, eye opening, insightful and of course inspiring for the heart and soul. After all those years, I am here, interpreting and analysing words NOT numbers. Dealing with language was one of the hardest things that my mind had once experienced, but now I am slowly adapting to it. Which make sense of the the notion that was exposed today: we couldn't be focussing on building up the strengths only, but also to look into what is deficient and find ways to improve it. Trying to strike balance in everything. Not intend to be a perfect one, but to learn, grow, develop as much as we could in every aspect. That could be one of the strong justifications of why I am walking down the path. 

With this new term, I hope I could get myself blend with the new terms too! 

2014 updates!

Hi!

So here I am again, doodling and rambling on things. I am back to IPG and you gotta believe it that this is my  final year! Finally, after all the sweats and inks poured, I am here standing as a final year student! 

Again, I haven't been writing so much about the holiday, the must tell Christmas story, the New Year celebration and of course the resolutions! As everyone ages up, the way they look, perceive and idealise on things change from time to time. That once, wishing everyone on a festive day through text message is a norm, but in the era of Facebook, tagging will spread the wish much more easier. The same go to other things. The way of how we carry things out will be different from year to year, and it is okay to be that. Won't it be good for everyone to change for the better version of themselves? In short, I just want this year to be a productive one, giving the best in everything that I am venturing into, and discover as much as I can even if the road is paved in such that it brings the heart pounding feeling of riding on the coaster. 

I have change the URL of my blog, which is now officially become - frecyllamay.blogspot.com., the title to 'Blessings in my Life' and the most obvious is my header photo. 10 pictures of my edited-own-self that depict the life I am in, though they are not able to precisely describe every single detail about me, but it gives you some idea on who I am. Again, my smiles, those symbolise the virtual greetings for you from me! Every change is to get the site more into personal look of me. This year, I promise to blog more!

Talking about this semester, we only have two subjects and 3 months of standing in front of 30-40 pairs of eyes moments. One of the subjects will be on Action Research, major paper. Honestly, I am curious and scared at the same time of imagining how would the sail be. I hope I could get the right direction of which way to head. Only two subjects? Yup, I have ample of time to have fun, being lazy and a loyal sleepy head! Still, I will force myself to be a productive soul. 

In 3 weeks time will be my third teaching practice, 3 months! This time, I hope that I could elicit and deliver as much as I could. Even though still standing at the inexperience level, but I will try my best to build great rapport with the kids as well as providing opportunities for them discover their own potentials and at the same time trigger their self-learning and self-discovering sides. I know that sounds so much of ambitious, heavy and what the what? Pointing this out is not just merely constructed sentence or disseminating some kind of educational philosophies. But something that come from inside, to realise that the joy of teaching do not come from the grade you get from the mentors, or the praises of how well you did in front of the class but the small little matters that come from the pupils. The joy that they experience from learning, the happiness portray when they are able to do something, the smiles of getting their efforts praised and so on. For this phase, I will give myself as much chance to learn and discover the 'pearl' of teaching too.

In 2014, I get to read and know that most of us want something new, something better and something great for our life. More happiness, lively life, great health, success, wealth and the lists go on. In my own age group, some have started to settle down with career. I love knowing about their stories of working life and actually couldn't wait from my turn too! I believe that everyone has special part and role in building the nation. No matter which profession you are, you could make a difference, carry impact and get people inspired!

Again, before the speech ends, I am not in favour for the road to be easy or sweet all the times. Let it be a challenging one, for I know that He is always in control of things, through the uncertainty and unpredictable journey. It is not just to feel thankful and blessed for the good times but to have faith that during the tough time, He wants us there for purposes and reasons. 

Lastly, I hope and wish everyone to have another great year!

The Journey

Promising to self to blog more this holiday but it was a fail. Maybe, I am not in that mood to write anything down. As holiday has almost come to an end, I decide to stay away from connecting with the Net. Spending more time on lively activities or just pondering my surrounding area. Getting to know, learn and understand how things work out,  how events carry the rippled effects and how people idealise their life. Weeks ago, few big rocks bumped into me, figuratively. At first, I thought that it was the end, but the story still need a continuation. Came another one which almost sunk me down and ripped the whole thing out. This time, I saw blank. I just felt like hiding under the blanket forever. But God triggers me. It was not the finishing line but the starting of another chapter.

As I age up, I realise that I am making so much assumptions, thinking and figuring on all the events in life. It is not just merely crowning one as a champion or a failure but it is a real, planned JOURNEY to be travelled. Regardless of all the things that happened, it gives me more opportunities to carry out new 'missions', commence conversations with those unknowns and experience the difference emotional states. True, that life can be 'suck' at time. There are people out there who will treat you the way you never expect, who will take you for granted, who want to show you that they hold the power to make you feel tiny. Still, there are many who own big hearts, who will give you opportunity to strive, who unconsciously share their stories to light you up and so on. Through everything, I learn that, no matter what the result is,  do acknowledge it because it is journey to be travelled, even when it goes to the downhill. I promise you that there is always light of hope at the end of the dark tunnel if you never give up hope. The reasons might not be unveil soon, but perhaps years later. 

Maybe, the road that I am going to travel later is a hilly one, and that is one of the reasons why I had been put into that situation. The experience gained from that journey, I will embrace it in my heart forever. 

What if...

Each soul must have ponder the same phrase, each day, each moment in life. I have been thinking the same too. Sometimes, I have so much positive vibes inside that I always describe life as GREAT! And I'm wandering if that word really precisely pointing on all the things that are happening, or am I just being positive with everything, pretending that life is really just great, or it is just a comforting word to tell everyone that I am happy enough with everything. The transition of life has been so fast at some times, and flows slowly at times. In between I found myself contemplating for so many times with big 'What if' accompanying each thought. There are just so much things that is unsure, unpredictable and incomprehensible. That one small thing happened could bring so much effects to the things around. Some just break my heart a lot. I thought that with all the exposures and experiences gained could make me strong enough to stand everything. But I was wrong. It is not just about achieving things, but to learn and realise the lesson tagged in each moment. 

For each fall back, I believe that it is a golden moment for me to reflect back everything. I couldn't just move  forward without analysing the surrounding. It is not just about being contented but to feel blessed for whatever states of life that overtake us, knowing that He is in control and letting Him works things out. To detach some feelings, pains and wounds are not easy, but it is a worth experience to shape, strengthen and heal the mind, heart and soul. Even if the road is just unsure, I will keep on walking and putting everything wholeheartedly in His hands.