One of my nurtured habits since I was a little girl is keeping a record, or maybe it is better pronounce as a 'diary' kind of things. From the previous post I had written years back, I started to keep the 'diary' when I was in primary 5, which I guess most girls did too. When I entered SMESH, those habits became less day by day, means not a kind of everyday routine any more. But one thing I love to do is making cards for birthdays or friendship days or anything that similar to it. I guess I made a lot of them and received a lot too! I did also become so loyal writer of those received text messages! Everything is well kept until now. When I entered IPG, I am not really into those stuffs anymore, perhaps maybe because getting too much connected with everyone through Facebook and Twitter. Blog is the only place where some memories are recorded down and that is one of the reasons why I am still active with blogging, not just to pour the emotions out but also as a form of so called 'digital diary'. Yet, I always tell myself that 'thou shall not share everything with the world, there are some things that should be kept inside until the right time comes or perhaps just specifically known by some close souls'. The theme in writing varies through the years. Some might be on memories, plain posts, greetings, wishes, or perhaps the unstable emotions portrays on certain life events!
Reading back everything always shower me with good memories. Just like listening to old songs which always makes the heart warms with smiles and laughters! It makes me to see how the life is transiting, so fast at times! Some days in the past, I never thought that I may end on some positions on this time of life. A little girl who sat at the back of the class who never had any idea that she will be wearing a pair of spectacles someday. A little girl who used to run freely down the road with childhood friends who never had any idea that someday she will be confining herself with more wonderful and amazing friends! A little girl who was paying attention to the teacher in front who never had any idea that someday she will be the one who is standing in front. Indeed, life is just so great!
Yet, doesn't mean that everything looks great depict that I never gone to any bitter situation. I have been there, many times, and I believe that everyone has their meltdown points too. But most importantly, we survive from it. Even though some things will just never be understood why it happened on the very first place because they are just not meant to be understood at all. Perhaps, unconsciously, the impacts of those non-understood kind of situation is for the souls around us, and God is using us to complete the circumstances. There were days when everything was just so wrong. Yet, I come to believe that there are experiences that God wants me to have to prepare me for the future that He holds for me.
Through years, one big lesson that I have come to realise is to learn to have faith, even on the slightest things or when there seems just no way out to be found. Yes, there are days when I have forgotten why I have to stand here, why some things just don't happen the way I plan and why it is me. By reaching out for others, it always makes me ease. Reaching out not just in the form of saying things directly or being comforted on shoulder, but by just reading some words written or stepping out of the door and seeing the life of others. To learn to have faith is a process itself, some days we might fail to do it but never lose hope. Yes, saying 'have faith' to others is a kind of clinches because the phrase is not deeply live. To have faith come from one's experiences, it is a long process and the self needs to define it on their owns.
