Sometimes I wish that I could calculate all the written words and came out with an analysis or answer of the given text. But that is impossible. Until now, I still can't believe that I am doing TESL. I am dealing with English language which was my last choice of subject during my school days. I don't know why I am not really into language. I prefer to work with all the calculation than to analyse a text or whatever is it to do with language. Even, to be part of the English society is my last choice. I just don't understand why am I walking in this path. Can I just stop and turn myself into new direction, new path but not English. I do ever wish that I can speak English fluently one day, but not to master the language wholly. Pretending to feel okay is really hard. Slowly, I realise that I have forgotten almost all my knowledge in Mathematics. When I flipped off my certificates file the other day, I saw my Australian's Mathematics certificate. Suddenly, my mind was captivated with all unanswered questions and unwanted thoughts. I am so pathetic. I feel something burdened inside. From the beginning when I said YES to this course, I know that there will be some points in my life where there is a little regret surfaced in my heart. And it happens so many times since then. I know that I am a slow learner when it comes to language. Still, I believe that one day, I will get the answer why am I walking on this path. It takes time for everything to happen. Someday, there will be time where I will be doing good with the language just as I am good with the mathematics.
5 comments:
sumtyme i do feel the same..
u see,i am wondering why i got maths when it is my last choice..i like to analyse text rather than to analyse numbers..i admit that i am not good at numbers..well,we contradicted with each other rite?
but we have mutual feelings n situation..
however,i realized that the path we have now is our present. and we have to face it no matter what. at the end of the day, when we put hard work plus determination n preserverance in evrything we do, success is in our hand. besides, maths n english r both knowledge. tell u something, i always inspired by our english teacher since our school days..i respect them coz i think english teacher is different from other teacher. they r more open minded n ready to argue with critical thinking..
i guess u will be one of them, where student will owez be proud of u..
dont worry fren..God'll help u along ur journey.
cheers..^^
ahahahaha but then there are no turning back .. right..?? life must go on .. although you life is bad.. just carry on .. who know.. they will be a happiness after all the bitterness .. for i am in a bitterness too .. :)
alyn: yaa.. thats true alyn.. i do realise that english teachers are different from the other teachers.. huhu.. maybe this is one of the challenges that i have to face in life.. i am willing to take it, but sometimes it just to hard for me to keep doing the things that i don't really like.. i just wish things are easier all the times.. huhu..but its okay... i believe that God will help me.. tq so much for the motivated advices alyn.. we are in the same circumstance.. huhu.. God will help both of us to face all these..^^ Be blessed !
kulas: yaa true, no more turning back, life must go on..i do believe that God has His own reasons for all these.. one day we will know the answer and one day everything will fall into the right place...tq kulas, Gbu kulas..be blessed !
hahahha.. yup must go on .. that is the art of life.. :) and be blessed you too.. :)
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